Prog Fantasy Magazine: The Palin Issue

Subscription is mandatory.


h/t Snoogie Woogums

Inside This Issue: Location of her underground lair. Evil Sarah's Deadly Arsenal: Ray Gun, Mind-Numb Robot Army, Mind Controlling Dog Whistle, Insanity Inducing Target Map, Hypnotizing Sex Appeal. 10 Things You Should Know About Sarah: Dumb yet brilliantly evil. Thinks the planet is only 47 years old. Shoots kittens and puppies for sport. Violates the Prime Directive just for fun. Our Friends Are Stealing From Us: the New York Times, ABC, CBS, NBC, and CNN are selling our ideas as hard news. Brain Exercises: How to trick your mind into believing facts are fiction and vice versa. New Study: All conservative speech is vitriol and leads to violence. Progressive speech will align your chakras. Next Issue: The Tea Party's plan to summon Cthulhu and control the world.
 

Good Gawd. Ten stars!
 

Comrades,

Is there some cross over between the 47 years and 57 states. Perhaps she really said she has 47 fears and was misquoted!
 

Comrades, I wish to announce that the Office of the Department of The Commissar of Time is committed to ensuring that Cthulhu never arrives on earth, and even if He does, that we will be able to summon Him before the Tea Party does. Now we are asking for volunteers to step through the wormhole. Lord Cthulhu requires attendants!
 

I knew the Cthulhu worshipers among us would not disappoint.
 

Ah, the future of our beloved MSM has arrived.
 

Superkommissar Maksim,

Brilliant, just brilliant..........

For this outstanding work I am also pleased to inform you that The People's Navy has just awarded you the prestigious:


 

SHOOTING PUPPIES AND KITTENS! This woman is truly evil. Superkommissar Maksim, you have shown once again, your brilliance in presently this accurate portrayal of this woman.
Now I must go to Jiffy-Lobo to get my brain washed mind cleansed and have my eye bleached to remove her image.
 

For the youth!


 

Next election, why vote for the lesser evil? Vote for Cthulhu instead.

Maksim, who says all that stuff about Palin is a fantasy?
 

Cthulhu ensures true equality by making sure we are all equally dead. Just think. No more man made disasters, no more global climate disruption, no more Faux Nooz. I'm not surprised the Reichwing wishes to summon Him before we can.
 

Having just been appointed Editor in Chief of the newest Progressive nature magazine, FEEL & SCREAM, I'm pleased to debut the inaugural issue on the Most-Progressive website for truly Progressive Progressives:







--Peeples Journalist
 

Olbermann's breaking it wide open tonight.




If we're going to summon him ourselves we better do it before Keith demonizes him.
 

INGSOC, haven't you heard? In the wake of The One's call to tone down the harsh rhetoric, Keith Olbermann is going to rename his "Worst Person in the World" segment to "The Person Most Like Sarah Palin."

In the meantime, I intend to subscribe to PROG FANTASY, and will proudly display it on my Coffee Party approved Coffee Table along with my other favorite magazines, OBAMA BEAT and BEAT PALIN.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

INGSOC, haven't you heard? In the wake of The One's call to tone down the harsh rhetoric, Keith Olbermann is going to rename his "Worst Person in the World" segment to "The Person Most Like Sarah Palin."

In the meantime, I intend to subscribe to PROG FANTASY, and will proudly display it on my Coffee Party approved Coffee Table along with my other favorite magazines, OBAMA BEAT and BEAT PALIN.
I had heard that the segment was going to be renamed "2nd Worst Person in the World!" because is is understood/assumed that Palin is auto #1. They must be kicking around several options.

P.S. Palin looks like a bark covered Avatar on that Feel and Scream mag cover. Keep it away from Gore, he might be weakened by the eco friendly image and her hairy/tree like allure. I might even call the image subversive.
 

INGSOC

* * *
P.S. Palin looks like a bark covered Avatar on that Feel and Scream mag cover. Keep it away from Gore, he might be weakened by the eco friendly image and her hairy/tree like allure. I might even call the image subversive.

Dear INGSOC,

I fear you are right. That image is having the effect of partially restoring my wooden nature (as a tree). I hunger for bark. I bark for hunger. I'm feeling disloyal to GAIA. Must resist. Must resist. Lenin help me. Chakra mooloo! She's controlling my mind! Heeeelllllp! Must speak truth heresy about AGW! Where is Tipper when I need her?

The Sasquatch's Mind Force is morphing me into something I'm not-- must get back to myself. Must get ..... Must ....


Aaaaaayyyyyeeeee!
 

Colonel 7.62

Cthulhu ensures true equality by making sure we are all equally dead. Just think. No more man made disasters, no more global climate disruption

Colonel, you are true thought provocateur. Is climate change like a tree falling in the woods? I mean, if there are no people, would climate change matter anymore?
 

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Superkommissar Maksim,

Brilliant, just brilliant..........

For this outstanding work I am also pleased to inform you that The People's Navy has just awarded you the prestigious:

May this make a nice addition to your numerous Beet Of The Week awards!

Thank so much Comrade Woogums, this is quite an honor. Just a note, I prefer my shipmates medium rare.
 

Comrade Gorbels Cube,

I understand from INGSOC that after seeing the image posted earlier in this thread by Comrade Peeples Journalist (a half-size copy of which is immediately below) ...
.

... you said this:

Gorbels Cube

* * *
That image is having the effect of partially restoring my wooden nature (as a tree). I hunger for bark. I bark for hunger. I'm feeling disloyal to GAIA. Must resist. Must resist. Lenin help me. Chakra mooloo! She's controlling my mind! Heeeelllllp! Must speak truth heresy about AGW! Where is Tipper when I need her?

The Sasquatch's Mind Force is morphing me into something I'm not-- must get back to myself. Must get ..... Must ....


Aaaaaayyyyyeeeee!

Well, my dear Comrade Gorbels Cube,

The Sasquatch is covered with fur, not bark, so you (and INGSOC) may need glasses. On the other hand, it may be one of her mind-control tricks to make you think she's covered with something so appetising to you that the mere sight of her gives her the ability to make you involuntarily return to your wooden nature.

Now if you'll stop grabbing at my beads, I can help you.



Now, let me help you get relieved from being involuntarily controlled by her image. It's really quite simple: Close your eyes and begin concentrating on a hagiographic image that is burned into the memory of all loyal Progressives-- You know the one I mean. For any new member of the Peoples Cube Collective in whose mind the image has not yet been burned during the Jiffy Lobo process, I've provided a copy of it immediately below.
.

I'll bet you feel better and more relaxed already.

--GAIA Minister Neytiri
 

!!!

I want to subscribe to this magazine.
 

It is with understanding of this department that Evil Sarah's deadly arsenal also includes Mega-Shmega Bionic vision, giving her ability to see into our minds from her backyard. Therefore all comrades will be issued mind protection helmets* immediately. Please submit helmet size on Form HS9843c by office closing time of 1:15pm this Friday.


Com. V D Sphincter
Ministry of Head Gear



*helmet not to be used during visits to Department of Thought Reform
 

You forgot to include this evil exploiter witch's most powerful weapon: cross-haired maps! They have the power to control even the insane!
 

You never want to mess with the perpetually cross hare named Waznmentobe.



 

Tissues, I need tissues!
 

Greetings my progressive friends, I apologize for my unexcused but necessary absence...

I now deeply regret allowing my PF subscription to expire. I salute Supercommissar Makism for his most equal contribution to the collective.

If I may be so bold, there is one slight bit of understanding I can add to a misleading statement on the cover. SP's lair is hidden but not impossible to find. While staring at the night sky after a metaphysical encounter and in a catnip-induced fog, I was able to divine the direction to her lair...and following the trail of moose antlers and fish guts, was able to take an interminable series of hops in a bush plane to a remote island where Clan Palin was found gnawing bones and gnashing their teeth. Or were they gnawing their teeth and gnashing bones, I am not clear on this point. As for the flight back, it was a hallucinogenic blur, I think they put something in the Kitten Chow they offered me. I awoke from my stupor with a clear sense that the collective is morbidly fixed on this fiend, and that I have a craving for pork dumplings.
 

Comrade General! It is so good to see you again! I was afraid you and Pup had a clash to the death since he too has been absent.

Hey, wait a minute. You hitched a ride with Hu to get back, didn't you?
 

Thank you, comrade Reiuxcat! Yes, I was an attache to Hu's entourage. He is not as smelly as Mao was, and is more liberal with the canned cat food. But Mao knew how to run the trains on time, as they say...no clue what Hu knew.
 

Teen Glued 5,800 Mirrors Onto Satellite Dish For SOLAR DEATH-RAY
 

Silly pimplefaced twink, you can get a giant Fresnel lens made of plastic for less than $90.

He shoulda saved his allowance and bought one of those high powered blue laser pointers. Then he could set his sister's dress on fire from across the room ($200) and it fits in your shirt pocket.

Kids these days! No imagination.
 

April 3, 2012, Matt Lauer symbolically beats Palin with his glasses during an interview in which she turns the tables by revealing he uses hair spray to appear on TV; then his female co-host runs her hand from back to front on his balding head in a clear demonstration that Lauer is just eye candy............ or something just as useless.
 

Into the thought modulation room. The sponges are soaked and ready and we have ample electricity from Chernobyl II.