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Progressive Beauty Tips Include 'Non-Gender Beards'

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U.S.—A new beauty shop in New York is offering facial follicle facilitation for progressively-minded individuals born with “female” bodies. Karen Dunham of Brooklyn was interviewed outside New York's recently-opened gender-neutral clothing outlet “The Phluid Project”, where she is trying to get her new female beard formula to catch on:

“We're tired of being beardless in Bolivia,” said Karen with non-sensical alliteration, “…beards are a patriarchal sign of oppression. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I shouldn't have a beard.”

Holding up a “Non-Gender Beard Kit”, Karen then demonstrated how a hair-loss gel in connection with hormone therapy administered rectally could initiate facial follicle growth. The formula appears to work swiftly. After applying the gel and bending at the waist to insert the hormone solution, Karen's eyes widen, her nostrils flare, and hair sprouts on her cheeks like patchy grass breaking through the sand on a desert plane.

“A beard should only be for a face,” Karen continues, “And it should be for any face that wants one. Our Non-Gender Beard Kit isn't just for those born biologically female, either. Those born biologically male who enjoy soy can experience the facial hair they've always wanted as well.”

At the time of this writing, Karen has a patchy beard that looks better than that of biological males in many equatorial regions, and would be right at home in a group of avid D&D enthusiasts rolling dice in a basement.

When asked whether biologically-born females who grow facial hair naturally would find this offensive, Karen responded: “When I learned about Marxism, I learned that gender is a tool of the oppressor. A biological woman who thinks growing hair on her face is bad doesn't understand freedom.” As the interview drew to a close, Karen added she is: “…single, and ready to mingle.”

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Tsk. Do we not know that one is not "biologically born" as any gender but has a "gender assigned at birth" and then selects one's own gender identity? Comrade Dunham needs a Jiffy Lobo™ vocabulary enhancement.

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RedDiaperette wrote:... one is not "biologically born" as any gender but has a "gender assigned at birth" ...
And it goes even further!
I just right now peeked into my paper assigned at birth.

Himmelherrgott, zey assigned me a "name"!
What, "Genosse"? Nah! Aaand, "Dummkopf"? Nope!

Felidaean Komradette, it's all so confusing, so confusing.....

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:
RedDiaperette wrote:... one is not "biologically born" as any gender but has a "gender assigned at birth" ...
And it goes even further!
I just right now peeked into my paper assigned at birth.

Himmelherrgott, zey assigned me a "name"!
What, "Genosse"? Nah! Aaand, "Dummkopf"? Nope!

Felidaean Komradette, it's all so confusing, so confusing.....
I too am confused about so many things. Were we not taught, as early as kittengarten (ketzelegarten?), that "what the State has assigned let no man entity put asunder"? And yet we are now being told that what the State assigned at our birth is to be put asunder, aside, and assiduously at will. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

No matter. I will do as I am told by whoever seems to be in power -- I mean intersectionally marginalized.

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Don't worry, comrades! After the revolution, the state will assign you such gender which will be the most useful to the cause of the toiling masses. It will be a lot harder to change that than the incorrect spelling of your name on the driver's license at the DMV.

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RedDiaperette wrote:... as early as kittengarten (ketzelegarten?) ...
Sweet!
Korrekt!
And know what?

With ketzelegarten, you're in Yiddish territory.
With Kätzelegarten, you would enthrall Swabians (Schwoba Dialäggd is great for diminutives!).
With Kätzleingarten, you go full Hochdeutsch.
With Kätzchengarten, you are in Kätzleingarten for toddlers.

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The only difference between men and women is that females are one hole up. The reason for that is unclear, but in some extremely progressive LGBTXYZ circles women are seen as the freaks of nature.

Apart from the hole count, everything else is exactly the same. A truly progressive comrade shouldn't discriminate whose or which hole to use, lest he be exposed as a fascist Trump supporter.

Pheromones are the kapitalist invention by Monsanta that has polluted our bodily fluids.

Our friend, Dr. Rich Swier, has posted this update:

LGBTQ Safe Sex Guide provides ‘alternative words for readers to use for their genitals.' Feminists Outraged! Hillary responds…


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Will all the pussy hats and vagina costumes now have to be redesigned as front-hole hats and costumes for the next protests? But how does one represent a hole as a garment? Will the head and/or torso of the wearer disappear? This is all very confusing.

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RedDiaperette wrote:Will all the pussy hats and vagina costumes now have to be redesigned as front-hole hats and costumes for the next protests? But how does one represent a hole as a garment? Will the head and/or torso of the wearer disappear? This is all very confusing.
It will be similar to Code Pink's Front Hole Costumes. In their case, there's just a front hole with the head sticking out of it. In this case, there will be a front hole in the place of the head, with the rest of the body handing down from it.

In your feline community this is known as the Cheshire Cat effect. Only in this case, the front hole appears first, and everything else materializes around it. Conversely, everything vanishes except the front hole, which exists independently of the body and just hangs in the air.

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Red Square wrote: Pheromones are the kapitalist invention by Monsanta that has polluted our bodily fluids.

Monsanta? I see what you did there.

As for the rest, the actual quote is "sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids."

- SK

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Red Square wrote:
RedDiaperette wrote:Will all the pussy hats and vagina costumes now have to be redesigned as front-hole hats and costumes for the next protests? But how does one represent a hole as a garment? Will the head and/or torso of the wearer disappear? This is all very confusing.
It will be similar to Code Pink's Front Hole Costumes. In their case, there's just a front hole with the head sticking out of it. In this case, there will be a front hole in the place of the head, with the rest of the body handing down from it.

In your feline community this is known as the Cheshire Cat effect. Only in this case, the front hole appears first, and everything else materializes around it. Conversely, everything vanishes except the front hole, which exists independently of the body and just hangs in the air.

Cheshire-Cat-We-Are-All-Mad-Comforter-Cover.jpg

This definition is bound to cause much consternation and wringing of hands within the golfing community as they frantically search for a PC interpretation of the phrase;
.
"...he made his first hole-in-one on the front nine."


 
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