For the giant toymaker, Hasbro, record-breaking sales of its Play Doh toy cooking-kits for Christmas, 2014 unfortunately led to the record-breaking costs of a post-Christmas "recall" program providing replacements for an important component of the toy cooking-kits.



What caused this massive catastrophe for Hasbro started at the Emma Garner-Kuttahyoar-Bohlzov-Quigley** (scroll down for ** footnote) household on Christmas morning after the three-year-old daughter began playing with the toy cooking-kits when she held up the cake-icing decorator tube and asked her Emma: "Why does this look like a Durex® condom rendered defective by the hole in the tip?"

Emma promptly hired a lawyer, Al Pseuia (with the firm Pseuia Slax Sox & Schirtov), who simultaneously launched a Twitter® campaign (Hashtag #MakeHasbroWithdrawPenisToolsFromToyCookingKitsForAllGenders®) and immediately contacted Hasbro with a demand that Hasbro pay damages to the traumatized girl and immediately issue a "remove/replace" campaign providing gynecolic-shaped tools to all purchasers as substitutes for the offensive phallic-shaped tools.

Revealing the image below to explain why she founded "GOOPH" (Gynecolic Organizers Opposing Phallic Hegemony), Emma asks, "Is this what the mysogynistic Hasbro wanted to teach our young daughters???"
~

To placate Gynecolicists, Hasbro recalled all penis-shaped tools and replaced them with gynecolically-shaped tools bearing the Phalaenopsis Orchid logo, the symbol of Gynecolicism.


Explaining how her forcing Hasbro to withdraw the phallic tools whetted her appetite to expand her campaign against other phallic offenders, she said: "Isn't it obvious that these Phallic Hegemons want young girls to plant un-gynecolic thoughts in to young girls minds so that when they become young women they'll be conditioned to want only cosmetics designed to serve Phallic Hegemons? Just look at a tipical ad for lipstick:"




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Hair-Color products:


Shampoo and lotion products:



Indeed, experts have long recognized that Phallic Hegemony pervades all kinds of cosmetic and health products marketed to women.

However, even though Hasbro immediately complied with such request and immediately commenced the "remove/replace" campaign, Emma decided this episode had merely brought to light the pervasiveness of phallic shapes throughout our culture and society, so she started her own Twitter® campaign to mandate replacement of phallic shapes (which symbolize thrusting agressiveness) with gynecolic shapes (which sumbolize receptiveness).

The Hashtag for her campaign is "#ReplaceAllPhallicShapesWithGynecolicShapes®."


Complaining that for too long "Big Agriculture" has tried to corrupt the minds of young women by growing and marketing phallic-shaped food such as cucumbers, bananas and carrots, she also launched a "#DePhallicizeOurFood" campaign demanding that cucumbers, bananas and carrots be banned until hybridization can produce gynecolic-shaped varieties.

When asked by a reporter to define "gynecolic shape," she said "It's any shape that's not phallic." When asked for an example, she said "The most authentically gynecolic shape is the Phalaenopsis Orchid."

Turning the subject back to other food, she siad, "Just look at the difference between a strawberry and a carrot. It's only the partiarchial nature of Big Agriculture that led to the breeding of phallic-shaped carrots, bananas and cucumbers."


And, "Most obvious of all," she said, "hot dogs should be banned until they're made in valentine-heart-shaped treats," and they could become known as "Hot Valentines":


Although her "#DePhallicizeOurFood" campaign generally raised no objection about potatoes, she did warn the potato industry to guard against mutations that sometimes produce frightening shapes such as the one she encountered at a Hole Foods Store several years ago:



Womyn Should Avoid Dick-Taters-- Too Many Carbs

Emma added that "Big Agriculture" should emulate Mother Earth (a.k.a. GAIA) by taking note of the fact that when GAIA carves shapes out of nature, she always prefers to carve a gynecolic shape:



Phallic Hegemony not only permeates our entire culture, it's also responsible for the nuclear arms race. The brilliant social philosopher, Helen Caldicott, made this clear way back in the Reagan Era of Maximum Phallic Hegemony by undergirding "national security" justifications for larger and larger missiles to satisfy our Phallicist Military's affliction with "Missile Envy."


Obviously, the nuclear-missile race would pose far fewer dangers if we were to mandate that all phallic-shaped missiles be replaced with gynecolic shapes:


**Progressive Family-Name Geneology of the "Garner-Kuttahyoar-Bohlzov-Quigley" family: Emma Garner-Kuttahyoar married Richard Bohlzov-Quigley Emma's mother, Natty Garner, had married Willie Kuttahyoar, and they chose Garner-Kuttahoar as their last name. Richard's mother, Wanda Bohlzov, had married D'Witt Quigley, and they chose Bohlzov-Quigley as their last name.

--KOOK

If this is the case could not Dictator (different spelling than above) be considered as well?

I'm no doctor, but this sounds like Play-doh interruptus, and it seldom works as planned.

Some would argue "withdrawal" is the not the same as removal.

Ahh, yes! The historical Lorena Bobbit solution!

One evening a drunkard named Bobbit
Persisted though wife warned him stop it.
She took out a stilleto
Cut off his "palmetto"
And out her car window did lob it.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Ahh, yes! The historical Lorena Bobbit solution!

One evening a drunkard named Bobbit
Persisted though wife warned him stop it.
She took out a stilleto
Cut off his "palmetto"
And out her car window did lob it.

I'd call that redistribution of the most intimate (and painful) variety.