Progressive Monopoly

Comrades, I am delighted to inform you that I have a glorious new revolutionary game for the Unwashed Masses!


 

So where do I place my dog?
 

In space capsule, of course! In the name of all things Lenin, do we have to think of everything for you?!?
 

I thought we all just had one shoe with holes in it?
 

I think all we get is a thimble, to store our remaining wealth in.
 

I dunno, Solidarity, "remaining wealth" sounds dangerously close to that old saw, "a penny saved is an IRS oversight."
 

I think the thimble is for the SHARED remaining wealth of ALL Comrades.
 

I denounce this game for not having an "Income Tax" space!
 

Comrades, wealth is diminished of course by progressive politics and economics, but that is fair, is it not? It is not fair that some people have more money than others. Unless of course you're a rich Democrat or a Made Progressive, in which case it's perfectly okay for you to have money. And as much of it as you can get.

It's for the People(tm).
 

I'd like to know what's up with the "Free Parking." In the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, the masses will be liberated from their gas-guzzling vehicles and ride public buses instead, ergo no parking, free or otherwise, is necessary.

Or does it refer to the use of hospital corridors under Obamacare?
 

Commissarka Pinkie

I'd like to know what's up with the "Free Parking." In the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, the masses will be liberated from their gas-guzzling vehicles and ride public buses instead, ergo no parking, free or otherwise, is necessary.

Or does it refer to the use of hospital corridors under Obamacare?

Yes, Commissarka, it does indeed refer to the use of hospital corridors.
 

Comrade Joe,

Thank you so much for creating a game I can understand. The original monopoly was way too complicated, with all that property selling and buying, for my little prog parrot brain. And keeping track of the money? What a pain that was. As you know, we progs, don't like doing math one little bit. A trillion here, a billion there, it's all ACORNs to me.
 

As a cost-saving measure, hospitals under Obamacare will be managed by a merger between the DMV and the Postal Service. This will insure the proper rationing of health care to make it affordable and people who do not make the cut in triage will merely be filed in the dead-letter department.
 

Comrades,

What will the new playing pieces be? A shovel, a beet, a star, and an acorn? The shoe should be kept both to honor tradition and reinforce the notion of effective redistribution by ending pairs of shoes.

{prog off}
While I hate both, I'll choose the DMV over the USPS any day. There's a better chance of being known personally in the DMV and, since it's at a lower level of government, the people are slightly more human and friendly, if equally (un)productive.
{prog on}
 

Commissar Theocritus

As a cost-saving measure, hospitals under Obamacare will be managed by a merger between the DMV and the Postal Service. This will insure the proper rationing of health care to make it affordable and people who do not make the cut in triage will merely be filed in the dead-letter department.
(off)
So what you are saying is the healthcare will be slow to respond with a lot of angry receptionists who will shove you along? How is that any different from socialized medicine in Canada?
 

A woman on fascist talk radio today said she was in home health care and had patients from Britain and Australia who had come to AmeriKKKa to avoid socialized medicine.

This means that Jiffi-Lobo will have to open international franchises.
 

I denounce this counter revolutionary Monopoly board game for allowing uppity kulaks free parking. Al Goracle has denounced the internal combustion engine as the source of all evil in the universe so all private vehicles must be confiscated & recycled into environmentally friendly spare bedrooms.
 

Comrade Lysenko

I denounce this counter revolutionary Monopoly board game for allowing uppity kulaks free parking. Al Goracle has denounced the internal combustion engine as the source of all evil in the universe so all private vehicles must be confiscated & recycled into environmentally friendly spare bedrooms.
Good point there comrade, while we're at it, let's change the name from "Monopoly" to "WealthSpread" or even "StreetShare" if you prefer that way of distributing money evenly.
 

Comrade Lysenko,

I'm still waiting for those potatoes to grow into pineapples. Your research still resounds even to the regressive and reactionary corners of the globe.

The free parking, however, does not trouble me because (1) it is free, like health care, mouth froth, and the cost to buy a dead citizen's vote and (2) we're all progs here, so we understand it applies only to Priuses, Teslas, horses, mules, and other eco-friendly modes of transit. Surely that is written somewhere in the fine print, which exists even in Prog societies, where it usually says, "In case of trouble, the undersigned is already found guilty of all charges."

I note that fine print may also be added ex post facto.

Comrade Elliott,

Perhaps "Pimp-ly" or "Unigov" might be options?
 

Tovarich

I note that fine print may also be added ex post facto.
Of course. Or why even do that? Notice that a few years ago the problem was "global warming." Some of the smarter progs noticed that it was not in fact warming, and replaced it with "climate change."

What genius. It's getting hotter, so tax and control things.
It's getting different, and we don't know how, so do the same thing.

That's like going to the doctor who says, "You may have diabetes so we'll give you insulin." The blood work comes back and you are hypoglycemic. And so you still take insulin. Because the insulin manufacturer really wants you to buy the insulin.
 

I denounce this game for having any borders or boundaries at all!

I NEED MORE INSULIN!
 

Just to make sure, have some insulin and a #2 bag of peanut M&Ms.
 

#2 ??? (*Rooster cocks his head*)
 

Comrade_Tovarich

Comrade Elliott,

Perhaps "Pimp-ly" or "Unigov" might be options?
Hmm. . . so many options, so little time, but time is not important to The Party.