OK....here's the deal.

Our beloved commissar and local propagandist, Red Square, is nowhere to be found !
Therefore, I, Krasnodar, have enlisted some "volunteers" to help ascertain his whereabouts. As usual, after these disinformation tours of his have concluded, he goes missing. We researched the police sheets and obituary columns from the Greater Houston area to no avail.......That's a' negatory.......One big zip, compadres.

So, to spare the Collective of those bothersome middle of the night knocks on the door,followed by intense questioning while having a flashlight shined in your face, we'd like to know if anyone has seen or heard something regarding Red Square.
You know..... like how we report someone on Attack Watch.

This is Krasnodar, fabricator of truth and vagabond of the outer parts, signing off.

Krasnodar wrote:OK....here's the deal.

Our beloved commissar and local propagandist, Red Square, is nowhere to be found!.

Has it occurred to you Krasnodar, that perhaps Red Square being in Texas was disinformation too?

You mean... abducted by aliens or possibly even robotic extraterrestrials???

Comrades,

Not to worry. I just received a picture on my cellphone:


--KOOK

I see no one was sleeping during the Peoples Diversion Tactics Class. Outstanding! I'm sure the Peoples Director has a couple extra vodka rations when he gets back from his super secret covert mission disinformation tour.

Don't not believe the previous unsubstantiated gossip regarding our dearest leader... he was detained while having an enjoyable evening of comradery. He will be returning some time after waking up . . . we think.

Red Square is indeed dedicated to the Cube.
Why, look at him.... bending over backwards for another comrade.

This is true socialism in action, folks !

Oh...... I didn't mean that ..........I mean....... well ...... he's passed out, yes ? Let's hope so.

After all, he's in Texas, not San Francisco.

Krasnodar wrote:Red Square is indeed dedicated to the Cube.
Why, look at him.... bending over backwards for another comrade.

This is true socialism in action, folks !

Oh...... I didn't mean that ..........I mean....... well ...... he's passed out, yes ? Let's hope so.

After all, he's in Texas, not San Francisco.

ah yes, it would be most dangerous and suggestive to our gay comrades in the Bay area to tempt them with a bent over, unconscious comrade. I hate to think what might . . . . but as you say, dear leader was is in Texas, the land of illegal comrades of the utmost integrity. (cough)

He appears to be deep in some metaphysical cogitation. It was wise enough not to bend over front wards where he could easily be placed in compromising position. he may be moved to a more comfortable parallel position by the local constabulary, may not!

We should wait for a detailed report upon his return!

Krasnodar wrote:OK....here's the deal.

Our beloved commissar and local propagandist, Red Square, is nowhere to be found !
Therefore, I, Krasnodar, have enlisted some "volunteers" to help ascertain his whereabouts. As usual, after these disinformation tours of his have concluded, he goes missing. We researched the police sheets and obituary columns from the Greater Houston area to no avail.......That's a' negatory.......One big zip, compadres.

So, to spare the Collective of those bothersome middle of the night knocks on the door,followed by intense questioning while having a flashlight shined in your face, we'd like to know if anyone has seen or heard something regarding Red Square.
You know..... like how we report someone on Attack Watch.

This is Krasnodar, fabricator of truth and vagabond of the outer parts, signing off.

Is he spying on Bushitler?

Astonishing.....
I didn't know that the Keebler Elves were Soviet sympathizers.

Krasnodar, they were living in a commune in a hollow tree, toiling to produce baked goods that they then distributed according to one's needs, long before many of the current Young Pioneers were a gleam in the collective's eye.

Comrades, this very day I received a postcard from Comrade Red Square -

As I suspected, he has everything under control and is simply vacationing.

Now he's making another one of those commercials with the dwarf Giraffes and the hot babes:


--KOOK

Its an unusual look on his face. I think he's under duress, and is trying to send us a cry for help, since even a half-smile is not a facial expression used by Party Officials. Ever.

He's held captive somewhere in Central Texazistan, perhaps some of the revolutionary Komrades at the Kollege in Austin may know where he is being held...

I cannot bear to think of the torture he is being forced to endure--Drinking Lone Star Beer chased by Tequila Shots, Eating Barbecued Brisket and Fajitas, being taunted by Bush/Perry Rethuglican operatives like these...

True Members of the party know these womyn couldn't shovel a beet if they were starving.... Somebody FIND RED SQUARE, get him out of there, get him a glass of Vodka and a bowl of Borscht!

Tovarichi wrote:He's held captive somewhere in Central Texazistan, perhaps some of the revolutionary Komrades at the Kollege in Austin may know where he is being held...

Our FSB operatives interrogations of our Fellow Travelers at the Kollege in Austin has led to the location of the Peoples Directors Zil. Alas, there was no sign of our beloved most equal leader. Anyone with a lead can submit it directly to AttackWatch.com\?lostaleader.

Well, Red Square better get back soon....

Some miscreants managed to slip past the Collective's elite security detail :


and pilfer a few bottles of his best hooch......... Directorate's Vodka.*


* You know, the good stuff..... well at least its a notch above what the proles drink.
They take the regular vodka and filter it through a sock....
( Hey, it's been washed ...... we are not unkulturny, you know ! )

Anyway, they filter out all the crud that floats off from inside the barrel first. Smooth.

If those operatives take Comrade Red Square to Hippie Hollow, they will surely torture him with sunburn to places normally not exposed in daylight. Such misery! The horror...the HORROR !

In such circumstances, Tovarich, recall this piece of wisdom from Mel Brooks :

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger.... comedy is when you fall in a open sewer and die ".

He has said many things of such philosophical significance.

It is my duty to go to the rocky north shore of Lake Travis, face these undressed operatives, move every boulder, and explore every nook and cranny until Red Square is released by his captors. For the Party, and the Children...

Comrade T,

You are quite the " Young Pioneer ", no ?

Anyway , be careful up on the North Shore..... I've heard things .......terrible things.

He might be held captive here:



It is disturbing to think what deeds these "cowgirls" may perform on Red Square if he has
been taken to this hell hole of capitalist squalor.

Courage, Comrade.......courage !

Tovarichi wrote:It is my duty to go to the rocky north shore of Lake Travis, face these undressed operatives, move every boulder, and explore every nook and cranny until Red Square is released by his captors. For the Party, and the Children...

I was kinda likin' on the mermaid, myself...

Krasnodar wrote:Astonishing.....
I didn't know that the Keebler Elves were Soviet sympathizers.

Komrade, those "elves" have been plotting the Peoples Revolucion long before you or I.

Komrades, I must report that I have not found Red Square, but I have not abandoned the hunt... I still believe him to be in the area of Hippie Hollow on the North Shores of Lake Travis in Texazistan, at least that's where I'm looking. This is an odd place, as clothing seems to be optional. This causes great discomfort, as I do not have places to hide a sidearm that would be readily accessible. I experienced this once on another assignment in West Germany at a Schwim-Bad (indoor pool). Swimsuits were not required.
The tea-bagger operatives in the photos above were the ugly ones. They try to influence me with beer and barbecued meats and sausages (not a beet in sight!) but I remain loyal to the search for at least 45 minutes each morning.

This is what the world would look like if all of womyns went blonde, and were limited by statute to 120 US Pounds (convert to kilos at your own liesure). I think they are breeding a master race of brood-wenches with a high tolerance for alcohol. They cannot be much good for keeping warm on cold gulag nights.

In the meantime, I'm trying to blend in. We have a volleyball tournament this afternoon, and the sunburn I feared for Red Square is affecting me in a similar fashion, but it is needed that I blend in with the locals.

Fear not, I shall find Red Square here (sooner or later) and convert as many of these to our ways as I can. The truth of the party is without doubt.

Tovarichi..... I could not help but wonder of the probability that Texan capitalist operatives would taking someone as important as Red Square to " Hippie Hollow ". Just say'n.
So, maybe after your next volleyball game you should put on some clothes and check-out a local steakhouse or two. People with money are more likely to go to places such as this.

PS: Good luck with that sunburn, comrade. Just put some Windex on it ........

Krasnodar wrote:We researched the police sheets and obituary columns from the Greater Houston area to no avail.......That's a' negatory.......One big zip, compadres.

Well, I would not put much confidence in police blotters and obituary columns right now were I in your position... we do not keep very good records in the midst of a mindless purge. In fact, if anything, all memory of missing persons are usually erased as well...furthermore, it is generally not in the interests of one's health to inquire as to the whereabouts of missing persons in the midst of a mindless purge.

And now that we are in the midst TWO mindless purges, the stakes are even greater!

But if you must insist on searching furhter, you may look in the voter registration files submitted by ACORN. If he's been liquidated, you should find several records of his promotion to Nectroproxy.

Rumor has it that Red Square has resurfaced somewhere within the Cube.

Everybody keep your eyes open, report if seen to AttackWatch.com or your
supervisory officer.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPREHEND ! ( We don't if he's been brainwashed or infected with anything catch'n.)
R.S. , if your reading this, please remember that everybody's been wondering where you went off to. Why, Comrade Tovarich got his private property sunburned while searching for you at Hippie Hollow, consoled in his discomfort by only a plentiful supply of beer.And it's been a few since we heard from him !However, we did learn that the Keebler elves are, indeed, tree-dwelling Marxists, which has made this whole search and rescue bit worthwhile.

FYI: Store #66 took money from my bank account to pay for the mug I ordered.
I know... I too am shocked by this blatent capitalistic incident.

Rumors and lies! I shall remain at this post! I will continue to blend in with the natives and work on eliminating those pesky tan lines while searching for the elusive captors of Red Square. Like the drunken driver who drops his keys in the alley and searches under the streetlamp where the light is better, I will search this portion of Texazistan! I'm working on a recipie for barbecued beets that might appeal to local taste, y'all...