Reporting:

Undersecretary Comrade DDR Kamerad
Pimp of the Proletariat
Commissar of Millinery
Quartermaster General of the Proletariat Pimp PX
and other honors you may wish to bestow.

Rejoice, Comrades! It has only been 15 days into the Glorious Revolution of The Big O (sound of the bassoon, the whoopie cushion, the Canadian goose, with a 21-popgun salute, and you MUST bow down!) and already, much progress has been made. But such is the destiny of Progressives! We can't help but progress, if only in our own minds!

Following the Grand Chairman's plan to obliterate, attack, rethink, redesign, reinterpret, properly implement the Bill of Rights amendment by amendment, we have taken a systematic approach. Addressing the First Amendment, the Committee for Proper Appropriation of the Media has introduced the "Fairness Doctrine" in light of our apparent lack of success in invading talk radio. The capitalists claim ventures like Air America fail because people get enough of the Current Truth (subject to change)™ through other media venues. But we, being more in touch with the will of the People (as they are represented in the Inner Circle) know full well the People's desires for left-leaning propaganda, doublethink, half-truths, procrustean representations of current events even representation in the Media. We look forward to how the Committee brings this to pass. We have the power!

We have followed up on Grand Chairman O (sound of the tuba, the marimba, the squib, the boot on cowpie, and all MUST bow down!)'s agenda by focusing on the Second Amendment through a http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/200 ... ets_t.htmlbill being passed through the House.

Allow me to divert for a moment to say I am eagerly looking forward to putting the match to the Fifth Amendment! Then we will satisfy both justice and the People's desire for quality, informative entertainment in one stroke with ShowTrials™! And the 20th Amendment! It will be soooooo invigorating to have the Chairman in power for 25 years, just like Comrades Castro and Chavez (and you won't have to be bothered with campaign reforms, nor bribing filthy peasants or digging through death records for viable voter names voter registration)!

But allow me to return from my enthusiasm over good things to come. Our great forebear, Lenin, said "One man with a gun can control 100 people without one." This means that there are 25 billion people being controlled without Party Approval! And since Comradeka Pelousy has pointed out that there are at least 200 million more undocumented Americans in this country (possibly more, 500 million per month, depending on whether or not the stimulus package gets passed--and they are no doubt living in secret oppression in the seven states of the Union our Chairman exposed on his great road to the throne of power), we have reason to believe the accuracy of this number. To bring this grossly uneven misappropriation of power under control, we intend to pass this bill, which will force these cowbow wannabes to register their guns, even if they owned them beforehand (screw ex post facto), or face fines.

It worked for Lenin, it worked for Stalin, it even worked for that Fascist pig Hitler, who was so unimaginative when it came to people control, that he had to copy our great revolutionary duo!

I do, however, have some concerns about the shortcomings of this bill:

- It mentions nothing about summary executions, which Lenin called for time and again. This strikes me as being far too compassionate for a proper revolutionary measure.

- It makes no provisions for The People's Rifle™, but I believe Comrade 7.62 had the incredible foresight to design the weapon so that it sidesteps the conventional criteria for a firearm while still being a useful tool against the enemies of the Revolution. We will still have to implement certain safety features into it (like pouring concrete down the barrel, and replacing the steel bayonet with a rubber chicken) in the interests of preventing it from being used against us by counterrevolutionaries, but these design flaws are being worked out.

- No assurances are made for Commissars to keep, on their person, their mandatory People's Morale Enforcer™ handy. I believe in equality in a classless society, but some offices are more equal than others (as Pupovich so faithfully points out time and again). However, once we have destroyed the Constitution, done away with rule by a piece of paper carrying the writings of Dead White Men, established power in the hands of the Party People, I am certain this will be a non-issue.

And that, Comrades, is my report. Long Live the Chairman! Long Live the Party!

Kamerad,

Your sound effects are truly memorable, particularly the boot on the PTC. My Obamissar's Morale Enforcer, I fear, will never officially become known as "pre-ban". Why? Cuz I ain't gonna register it. Ever. When they come to search my house, I'll kiester my Glock if I have to. Why do you think I got the medium-frame model 23? Small enough to insert but large enough that it won't go too far and become unretrievable. Your report truly made me sick to my stomach. Seeing evidence of how long O has been talking about distribution affirms that it wasn't an off the cuff remark.

I hope you saw Glenn Beck today. He was incredible! Michelle Malkin addressed him as Comrade Beck, after he dispalyed a beautiful graphic of how the road to socialism leads to communism. His entire program made me think he's a member of the Cube. He's my new hero...

-OV

I get a tingle up my leg everytime I hear our Obamasiah destroy a portion of the once crapitalist U.S. of KKKA. I just wish we'd get rid of these damn RethugliKKKans in Congress!

Comrade DDR:

I would be remiss in my duties not to point out that Obama also wants an immediate cut in Military spending to the tune of $55 Billion this year alone. In his infinite wisdom he feels that this will help save the economy. Some Rethuglicans have the Audacity (ooppss) nerve to say that it would cost a tremedous amount of American jobs. Ha! Clearly they do not understand Obama's (President for life) bigger plan.

In addition to The Peoples Rifle^TMObama also plans to arm the US Military with the weapon as outlined below. It worked well during his campaign and he feels that the US Military should use it. Besides, he creates an abundant supply of this on a daily basis especially when outlining his economic strategies.......

Comrade Robot, yes, the Committee on People'sdisArmament had deliberated long over this alternative use for the People's Tasty Creme^tm. Commissar Gourmet brought in representatives from his Committee on the People's malNutrition with some objections, since he hates to see a waste of good excrement, but since the Bureau for the Public Glorification of the Chairman had passed the PTC among its instruments for joyful noises (which often tend to be followed by shots from People's Morale Enforcers^tm...the peasants seem to be catching on, but there are still some Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednegos to throw into the People's Fiery Oven^tm), he had precedent on which to approve yet another use for the PTC.

You must have gotten the conceptual promotional poster, Comrade. One concession the Committee made to Comrade Gourmet was that you replace "Eyes" with "Mouth."

As manufacturer of The People's Rifle ™ I believe I must be allowed to keep my Morale Enforcers in order to protect the factory from angry proles, and also simply because if they were redistributed, there would be 13 or 14 (I lost track) Morale Enforcers loose. Isn't it better for ONE person to have them, than scattered about?

Comrade DDR:

I must warn you comrade that it appeared that you were pointing out possible gaffes that our cherished Speakress of the House Nancy Peolsi may have been making. These of course were all lies perpetrated by our enemies at Faux Fox News.

The real quote concerning the exaggerated numbers unemployed, which was an unfortuante error on the media's part is shown below:

Comrades,

I think we need 57 states so we can confiscate even more dangerous "toys for boys." If we grab most of Canada, that will have already been done for us, won't it?

There's even a "57-State rap" of sorts. Surely Theresa Heinz-Kerry will contribute since her company has 57 varieties of ketchup (or is that "EU catch-up"?) that nevertheless all taste the same. Anyway:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/dMo0WlSvrIY&c ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/dMo0WlSvrIY&c ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

EU...isn't that the sound Betty makes when he sees something particularly distasteful?

One left to go... As if there were any other way besides left.

-OV

I look forward to the glorious day when the capitalists have their guns and religion, to which they cling so tightly, taken away from them. We should use our abilities (of which of course we all have the same amount) to ensure this happens. I will stir a dose of Obama's Wealth Spread ™ into my vodka for extra courage!

While I am in my Dacha of Delights^tm, recovering from my recent run-in with my Bolshevik Beotches, I am selecting a new wardrobe (my hat was ruined), and have settled on this:


Additionally, I have had time to sift through the Revolutionary Archives and answer this very important question regarding the disArmament Committee's purpose:

WWJD?
What Would Josef Do?

Order No. 171, given to General Tukachevsky on 11 June 1921 to deal with an uprising in the Tambov Province, listed, among other things, these three methods to dealing with the populace:

1. Shoot on sight any citizens who refuse to give their names.

2. District and Regional Political Commissions are hereby authorized to pronounce sentence on any village where arms are being hidden, and to arrest hostages and shoot them if the whereabouts of arms are not revealed.

3. Wherever arms are found, execute immediately the eldest son in the family.