:: SPECIAL PEOPLE'S ANNOUNCEMENT::

I'm urging everyone, and I mean everyone, not to go to this website and call the number provided. If you do you will be forced to have a bubble bath with me, spot lights on and with cheesy New Age music. Once again, do not let me hear about you calling the Amnesty Hotline and telling your Senators that you oppose the Shamnesty Bill. I have my rubber ducky ready, and I'm not afraid to use it!

-- The Commissar General

P.S - No snickering at the word choice of "Special" and "People's". No one is special under our enlightened and totalitarian system! NO ONE! We are equal and only those the Party selects from a victimized group may consider themselves "special" - "Undocumented Americans" being the perfect example. BUBBLE BATH WITH ME ENFORCED!

Mr. Reno, here on the border I have special love for this bill. I have deported the Indians who own the old motels and have sold the furnishings of many colors, but when Miguel and Saranita come in, they won't be used to furniture and so I won't need it.

I'll have them all instantly go down to apply for benefits, which I will take, telling them that I will make sure that the benefits keep coming. And I'll have the skilled artisans contracted out laying tile for swimming pools.

Win/Win. Come to think of it, it's time to put on a little pressure.

...Lupe! Lupe! Here's the key to the closet where your family is locked. Tell them they can see the sun tomorrow if they just do a little telephone time for me. Don't snivel, woman, and don't think I'm getting soft. I'm a Democrat after all, and you're just vote fodder for me, and get back on my floors!

And I'll have the skilled artisans contracted out laying tile for swimming pools.

Oooohh! Gold and diamond encrusted pool tiles! It would like a jewelry box on the ground! And the bottom of the pool should be made of highly polished silver so it looks like a mirror, but then there might be problems with high sewage content in the water after the party is over....

Ah, Betty, what an idea. A mirrored swimming pool. We can fill it with Mazola and Mr. Reno can sit on the edge and splash his hooves in the water, while Our Many Titted Empress floats on it. But will Mazola do? I know that our Many Titted Empress will float on water for cellulite is lighter than water, but it is lighter than Mazola?

But we cannot have her float on water for the water would not have her and she on bad nights channels back to one of the witches in Salem who died from the ducking stool.

We could just tie a bunch of balloons to her like Lawn Chair Larry.

What about blown-up rubbers taken from shipments to pre-school children in their sex-ed classes? A day's supply for the Kennedy compound could raise the Titanic, and ought to keep dear Hill afloat.

Ingenious! Those preschoolers don't need condoms anyway. They can just use their used lunch bags and rubber bands.

It's not to be used by the pre-schoolers, but by the priests in Albuquerque who want to take them on school outings.

Oh. My bad. We won't have any religion except The First Church of Climatology, and a rubber won't protect you from Algore.

Maybe they should be made out of some kind of eco-friendly material that will not harm the environment.

I started to say pig bladders, but since I'm a vegan that won't work. What about the bladders of white heterosexual men? But if you really want big bladders stretched by lots and lots of piss, the bladder of our Many Titted Empress will float anything.

I believe that Ted Kennedy's bladder might be bigger, seeing as how it could have been used by the occupants of the Titanic (yes, all of them at the same time) as a life raft, but he is much too valuable to the party. Maybe the bladders of those who have... um... "expired" while working in our re-education camps. they won't be missed, and everyone who is sent there has to sign a waver that donates their bodies to science. (And our Empress does count as science because I do believe she was created by one Dr. Frankenstein.)

Commissar Theocritus wrote:But will Mazola do? I know that our Many Titted Empress will float on water for cellulite is lighter than water, but it is lighter than Mazola?

No worries. For that specific purpose our Iranian comrades have built a Heavy Water Facility in Arak. Heavy water will make anyone and anything float like flies.

https://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/worl ... arak16.htm