Good news comrades!

In our darkest hour we get help from the Saintly Heroes of old.

Saint Bono has been sent by the pope to perform the miracle of "peace through song" in the faraway lands of the Islamic State.

He even deemed us simple mortals good enough to give us some geopolitical advice on how to defeat the terrorist organisation ISIS:

([prog off] grab hold of something before falling over, laughing hysterically:)

“It's like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power.

So I am suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer and Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you."

As we all know, Bono is the perfect leftist statesman to solve the world's complex geopolitical problems, because:

1. He is not an elected politician, so he is a good man. Elections only help imperialistic capitalists, as we all know. It's best to have the party pick the candidates.
   
2. He is extremely rich. It's common sense that the wealthy know a lot about the lives of common beet-shovelers like ourselves and the daily problems we face, like "were did i park my private jet", or "what car will I buy today? i can't decide on the color!"
   
3. His job as entertainer gives him a lot of day-to-day training in solving complex, deep-rooted problems between different cultures.
   
4. If his solutions fail, it has absolutely no influence on his life, because nobody can hold him accountable for his propaganda, since he does not have any government mandate. This "free spirit" gives him the power to perform miracles.

Good luck Saint Bono!

UPDATE:

Just after printing this article, we received this news: The Islamic State just released a picture with a caption:

"Now please send Amy Schumer and that jew, Baron Cohen."

We'll call this operation...
Clash of Clowns

UPDATE:

A fantastic example of the use of "doublethink ™ " by our glorious comrade, senator Lindsay Graham.

Sen. Lindsay Graham Backs Bono's Marshall Plan: ‘You're Not Going To Win This War By Killing Terrorists'

"He said he “could not agree more” with Bono's op-ed in the Times, and argued that in order to stop the radicalisation of people from the Middle East and North Africa, the U.S. and her allies need to spend more money in the region.

“Germany and Japan were very radicalised populations…” he opined: “the Marshall plan did work”."

There you have it, comrades. The USA, with the help of its allies, did not win the second world war by fighting a long, costly and bloody string of battles.

That is captitalistic propaganda!

The USA apparently won the second world war by spending money through the Marshall Plan, thereby magically de-radicalising the Nazis and the Imperial hardliners in the Japanese army, without any need of military action whatsoever.

It's good to know that progressives like Lindsay Graham attribute West Germany's postwar economic success to socialism and massive government programs. Funny, I thought for a second that silly KKKapitalists like Ludwig Erhard who reformed German currency, ended rationing, price controls, and wage controls had everything to do with economic growth in West Germany. Silly me, now I know that forced collectivization, controlling how much food people are allowed to eat, and a minimum wage is the answer to a growing economy. Little did I know that a thoroughly broken German people would've acted just like the 7th century savages Honor Students of: Eritrea, Chad, Somalia, Syria, Libya, Saudi Arabia, et al. if they hadn't been given some money (all the while the Allies were extracting a larger sum than the Germans were receiving). It's good to know that the all-knowing hand of an ever-expanding central government is the solution to all our problems. Glorious!