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Scandal Looms for Cobra Commander

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Betty, I think your candidate may have some esplainin' to do....

A disturbing photograph has surfaced that may damage the candidacy of Cobra Commander. The photo shows the Presidential hopeful caught in the act of apparently kicking a small dog in an alley behind the Headquarters of Fox News.

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A spokesman for the National Association for the Advancement of Canine Americans was quick to condemn the photograph and the candidate.

"Is this the sort of behavior we can expect from this man should he become President?" asked Rex Lupine, Senior Policy Canine Assistant for the NAACA. "The candidate needs to be brought to heel for this act. We demand an immediate apology and a pledge to curb his emotional outbursts in the future."

Cobra Commander was not available for comment.

I bet Cobra Commander wouldn't dare try that with Commissar Pupovich! If he did, Pupovich would help himself to a pair of "guest soaps".

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I am outraged! Shocked and Outraged! Premier Betty, is this the sort of behaviour we can expect from your candidate? Is this his idea of uniting us for Hope and Change?

As a Canine American Democrat, I know I speak for the entire pack. We CAD's demand an explanation for this behavior, and not your usual flimsy ones, no, we demand an explanation! Oh and an apology!

I demand an explanation and an apology, that is all I need.
No wait, I demand an explanation, an apology, and a subsidy to offset my anguish. That is all I need.

Er... I need an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, and a female comrade to help me ease me through the night. And that is ALL I NEED!

Except, I need an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, female comforting, and one of those bright red chew toys covered with diamonds and hot pockets hidden in the middle. THAT IS ALL I NEED!

ALL I NEED is an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, female comforting, a bright red chew toys covered with diamonds and hot pockets hidden in the middle, and a new limo with a Kennedy Cop for an escort. THAT IS ALL I NEED!

Uh, an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, female comforting, a bright red chew toy covered with diamonds and hot pockets hidden in the middle, a new limo with a Kennedy Cop for an escort, and a supply of edible Frisbees that have a mp3 player built is is IS ALL I NEED!

Did I mention a subsidy? A very large subsidy!

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Comrades, this one is a no-brainer--even if Betinov came up with it.

It's obviously George W. Bush in disguise. He eats kittens AND kicks puppies. I don't even want to tell you what he does with bunny rabbits.

Heck, you don't really believe the Jeremiah Wright you see on Faux News 24/7 is the same one the Obamessiah associates with, do you?

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That is clearly George Bush, Comrades. I highly doubt a progressive like Cobra Commander --- who always keeps his jackboots looking spiffy -- would be a degenerate puppy-kicker. This is too low, Comrades. Too low for even Fixed News.

Now then, where did I put PETA's number? They need to grab that puppy and euthanize her before some caring asshole tries to adopt her and force her to live in perpetual servitude.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Heck, you don't really believe the Jeremiah Wright you see on Faux News 24/7 is the same one the Obamessiah associates with, do you?

An extra ration of beets and toilet paper for Pinkie!

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I have seen Troofers displaying posters with a collage of pictures of Osama that look different, as evidence that the US government used footage of different people to fool us "sheeple" into thinking that it was Osama who organized 9/11.

We can do the same thing with Obama and Jeremiah Wright! Make up a claim that the people on video saying "God damn America" and other things attributed to J.W. are not in fact J.W.! Take a troofer statement from one of those websites and rewrite it to make it sound like them, about suppressed rumors, leaked info, and some obscure scientists from the boondocks making a case that what was passed for Obama's spiritual adviser were, in fact, discarded clips from America's Most Wanted, rants by discriminated prison inmates, victims of racial profiling arrested for drunk driving, and simply hired actors in blackface (one of them Rob Schneider). It was all a political hit job by Fox News, ordered by George W. Bush!

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This probably even deserves its own conspiratorial website, something like WrongWright.org or better.

The point is, while this subject is gradually fading away, to resurrect it by pretending to be Obama's supporters who defend Obama from the right-wing conspiracies. It's in Obama interest not to raise this issue again, but with friends like us who needs enemies?

We'll raise the question for him - and make it look even more ridiculous than it already is.

O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma!

Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change - Hope - Change!

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I stand against cruelty to all animals, even dogs.

However, we must carefully consider the situation in the picture before making harsh judgments against Cobra Commander. Isn't that dog Spot, the Bushitler's token canine? Spot was probably torturing kittens, or selecting some for a snack for his master. They ran away when CC came to dispense justice. Without knowing more, we must reserve judgment.

There must be an investigation - a lengthy one - with a large budget and a car and driver for the inquisitor. Only a cat could cook up discover the truth in such a matter. A human's judgment would be too clouded by that sexist 'man's best friend' garbage, and dogs are too stupid to figure something like this out.

I can begin the inquisition immediately, after submitting the requisition for tuna and catnip. And a case of Tsingtao. And some female companionship of the kitten kind. And some of those little mints that are green out the outside, but taste like chocolate, you know the ones I mean?

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:I am outraged! Shocked and Outraged! Premier Betty, is this the sort of behaviour we can expect from your candidate? Is this his idea of uniting us for Hope and Change?........
Uh, an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, female comforting, a bright red chew toy covered with diamonds and hot pockets hidden in the middle, a new limo with a Kennedy Cop for an escort, and a supply of edible Frisbees that have a mp3 player built is is IS ALL I NEED!

Did I mention a subsidy? A very large subsidy!

Gol damn Americans! Especially American dogs like Pupovich!
I have salt filled tears in my eyes remembering the sad tale of The Jerk.

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What is this comrades? Do my eyes deceive me? Is the Chairman, Pinkie, the Cat, all claim that I am not deserving of a subsidy and those minor tidbits I suggested? Even if these stories that it was not Cobra Commander and instead a Bushitler stooge, that just means I am even more deserving of an explanation, an apology, a subsidy, female comforting, a bright red chew toy covered with diamonds and hot pockets hidden in the middle, a new limo with a Kennedy Cop for an escort,, a supply of edible Frisbees that have a mp3 player built in, and oh yes, a memorial day to draw attention to Canine Abuse!

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Betty remains curiously silent in this thread....

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Sorry, I've been busy with other things...

*coughCrysiscough*
*coughF.E.A.R.cough*
*coughGTAIVcough*
*coughMassEffectcough*
*coughTF2cough*

Excuse me. My allergies are starting to get to me.

Anyway, what is in a picture anyway? Do we see only what is being portrayed, or do we ask questions, search for the real truth behind the paper and ink? Do we know the motivation behind this action? Why did he kick the dog in the first place? How do we know that the dog is not a kkkapitalist rethuglican? How do we know whether this action is deserved or not? If we give people the choice to rip unborn children out of themselves and kill them for no reason, why can't we simply kick a mutt for no reason?

Maybe he is just unleashing some of his aggression at not being promoted as much as the other presidential candidates.

http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/vid ... _View.html

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What is your motivation for covering up this atrocity Premier? Are you on someone's payroll? All dog's are innocent as I have already demonstrated in the past. Just what sort of candidate are you trying to promote Premier? Perhaps you would like Michael Vick as VP as well? Canine abuse is never excusable! Niw where are my reparations?

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Motivation? Do you know who you are talking to here? Since when do "Premier Betty" and "motivation" exist in the same sentence without the words "no", or "nonexistent"? I have no motivation. Thus, based on your first sentence, your entire argument is null and void.

And who doesn't want to see a weather dominator? I'm just saying, maybe the dog was asking for it. How do you know that the dog isn't a masochist who Cobra was doing a favor for so that it could go forth and populate the world with more dogs? Just look at the expression on the dog in the picture! Who are you to say that the dog is in pain?

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It does not matter Premier! Image is everything, and this is not the sort of image you or the Party should promote. Now where are my reparations!

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Do what you will, but Cobra Commander isn't too intimidated by dogs in pink frilly doggie costumes. You will be lucky if he only tests out the weather dominator on you and doesn't combine you with frog DNA and use you as a guard dogfrog.

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I will crush the Cobra Commander! Unless of course he becomes the Party nominee.

<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickp ... "></center>

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Never fear Comrades! As my work at the People's (formerly William J. Clinton Memorial) Reeducation Center and Eco-Friendly Uranium Mine draws to a close, a new mission is at hand. This is no less than a complete makeover of Cobra Command into the Cobra Revolutionary Front. Of course, the modus operandi of Cobra will not change but it will now be done in the name of the International People's Revolution (aka Communism). Seen in this new light, anything done by Comrade Cobra Commander is justifiable and forgivable since he is doing it for the greater good. Remember Comrades, the ends justify the means, the issue is never the issue, the revolution is the issue.

COOOBRAAAA... For the Greater Good!

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I should mention also that this arrangement between the The Party and Cobra came about because The Party needed an unassailable, messianic candidate who could speak utter bullshit in comforting, meaningless platitudes and defeat Hillary in the primaries. There were only two organizations that could create such an Ubermensch on relatively short notice. One was the vast clone labs of Halliburton (obviously not getting any help from there) while the other was Dr. Mindbender's Cobra Genetics Lab. Better to buddy up to Cobra than Halliburton, right? Using techniques first tried during the creation of Serpentor, they soon had the ultimate candidate up and running. They even gave him a muslim-sounding name for an added bonus!

Besides, we can trust a world conquering, violent terrorist organization to do the right thing as long as they see that our intentions are good, right?

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So does that mean that after the election Cobra Commander will be the leader of the shadow government and puppet master of useful idiot elected prez?

Victory for Cobra!!

COOBBBRRRRAAAAAAAAAALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAA!!!!!

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Premier! I thought we had your meds problem straightened out. How can you expect to build the World of Next Tuesday with a leader that abuses the most loyal and useful of it's citizens, the Citizen Canine? All animals are equal, and the Citizen Canine is more equal than the others. Even if that was a toaster dog the Cobra was kicking, it would be wrong. Now unless you have proof that this was a criminal of some sort, then you must renounce this behavior.

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Even if that was a toaster dog the Cobra was kicking, it would be wrong.

Especially if it is a G.E. toaster; they are the Green Ecomagination company!

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Cobra still would be a better leader than Hillary, Obama, or McCain.

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Premier Betty wrote:Cobra still would be a better leader than Hillary, Obama, or McCain.

Your half digested medicated Hotpocket can make that claim.....

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Premier Betty wrote:So does that mean that after the election Cobra Commander will be the leader of the shadow government and puppet master of useful idiot elected prez?

Victory for Cobra!!

COOBBBRRRRAAAAAAAAAALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAA!!!!!

Nope, that'll be George Soros.

I'm thinking this will turn into another one of those situations like the Serpentor vs. Cobra Commander problem only with The People's Messiah taking the role of Serpentor. I was never quite sure of how that turned out but I notice that I still see Cobra Commander action figures at retail but it's been a long time since I've seen a Serpentor figure. Hmmm.... I'm jus' sayin', tha's all.

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:How can you expect to build the World of Next Tuesday with a leader that abuses the most loyal and useful of it's citizens, the Citizen Canine? All animals are equal, and the Citizen Canine is more equal than the others.

In their usefulness, Commissar, canines are somewhere between lemmings and panda bears. All their slobbering, tail-wagging loyalty doesn't amount to a hill of rice, by my calculation. They are lazy and dishonest (leave sleeping dogs lie), greedy (every dog has his day) and the lowest mammal in the collective ('she treats him like a dog').

Comrade Commissar, you should direct your misplaced devotion to the flea-endowed towards the party we all love, and towards The Greater Good. That's a good doggie!

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I think panda bears are cute.

You should know that every time you buy bamboo furniture or bamboo sheets, you are stealing food from the mouths of cute panda bears.

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Now as everyone can attest.... It was not I that stirred up the competition between cats and dogs. No, in fact, I have refrained from spilling information I have in my possession about the alleged disappearance of a certain feline. Being of a more noble species than others. I shall for the time refrain further. But as a certain cat did mention, every dog has his day.....

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I think panda bears are cute.

You should know that every time you buy bamboo furniture or bamboo sheets, you are stealing food from the mouths of cute panda bears.
Thanks Pinkie. I can always count on you for my eco-sensitivity talking points. What would we do without you here to remind us of our Gaia destroying ways?

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What about radioactive mutant panda bears that eat people?

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Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I think panda bears are cute.

You should know that every time you buy bamboo furniture or bamboo sheets, you are stealing food from the mouths of cute panda bears.
Thanks Pinkie. I can always count on you for my eco-sensitivity talking points. What would we do without you here to remind us of our Gaia destroying ways?

I have just prostrated myself before the Goddess and asked forgiveness for my bamboo
floors...indeed,I would not have known to do this,if not for Pinkie. She is an inspiration to us all.

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Like I said, we could solve this with Cobra technology and then feed thought criminals to them. It's a win, win situation. If only everyone could see the genius of Cobra Commander!


 
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