Secret Service Agents Hired Non-Union Prostitutes

Dear Comrades,

The Universal Unionization Section of the Department of Organized Labor for the USSA has launched an investigation into news that a Drug Use Enforcement Agency officer obtained a non-unionized prostitute for two Secret Service Police officers in Columbia, who were detailed to protect the Party Chairman, Comrade Barack Barackovich Obama during his April 2012 visit to the South American nation.

The Section launched its probe after a review of Columbian law, which does allow some prostitution with ‘tolerance zones,’ but offers neither Unionized collective-bargaining rights nor Universal Health Care to sex workers.

As a result, the DUEA officer and two Secret Police officers are suspected to have violated Party discipline, which forbids all contact with non-unionized workers.

While the Department of Organized Labor refused to denounce the prostitute as a ‘scab’ due to the non-unionized plight of sex workers in Columbia, this situation is nonetheless considered a serious offense, grave enough to merit an official inquiry.

Columbia is known as a Capitalist den of iniquity - not only for problems with human trafficking and child prostitution - but, more importantly, for opposing the expansion of Socialism under Comrade President Hugo Chávez of Venezuela, who is a great ally of B. B. Obama and has enthusiastically endorsed his candidacy for Party Chairman.

The reactionary bourgeois classes of Columbia have reacted violently toward the progressive stance of Venezuela on oppressed innocent peasants, who are engaged in subsistence Coca-leaf farming without the benefits of collectivization, unionization, subsidized housing, or free state-run health care.

The Party has been assured by the Department of Social Justice that at no time was Comrade Barack Barackovich endangered by the entertainment choices of these Secret Police Officers.

Of course, the Party does not judge the personal lives of its members, even when their personal needs must be met using State-owned telephones, email, vehicles, or even State-provided accommodations.

All citizens are reminded that all contact with non-unionized workers is forbidden, except for the purposes of agitation or unpaid sexual services (with consent, but without a ‘relationship’).

Agitate for Collective-bargaining Rights for Prostitutes! Unionize Sex Workers Now!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Proletarian Red-noser
 

The struggle for empowering sex workers in Columbia or any other reactionary state is an Internationalist concern to all worker's in socialist solidarity.

To wit, the United Nations Congress of Worker Empowerment has adopted the 'card check' system of certifying union representation of a given bargaining unit.... be it of female masseuse workers or prostitutes of any date dynamic gender identification.

Columbia is committed to automatic enforcement of U.N. legal dictates with respect to certain IMF and World Bank loan covenants.

So, after the ships from the latest humanitarian relief of besieged Gaza become available, the U.N. in New York will be transporting volunteer union stewards of prostitution to Columbia... here is a picture of one of the first volunteers.....



the love of a union steward is a special kind of love...
 

Street Walkers, Unite! Discover the power of collective bargaining! Join the sex workers union for guaranteed employment regardless of age, skills, health, or pre-existing sexual characteristics.

PutOutTogether.org



Unionize Sex Workers Now!It's just what the Party needs!
 

Comrade Director, Aren't all of the Socialist Agitators especially attractive?
 

Class warriors are sexy? If you say so...



 

COMRADES PROSTITUTES!
Demand collective bargaining rights! Join our Sex Workers Union Now! Always remind your
customers to look for the union label.
 

Comrades, Here is the reason why any old prostitue will do.......
 

Street Walker's Union, we control so you don't have to.
 

Union hookers make me do all the work, that's why I don't hire them.
 

Glad to hear that Colombia is not a "Right to Fluke" state.
 

ThePeoplesComrade

Street Walker's Union, we control so you don't have to.
Comrade Peoples Comrade--

When you're advocating "control," I hope you're not advocating gun control -- I remember basic training all too well. Let someone else control?

--KOOK
 

Buy American, comrade!



 

Dear Comrade Director,

I was sitting down for my usual evening cocktail (the Tear of the Komsomol Girl is this evening's available mix), when I nearly spilled it for joy with these new Agitprop Posters! These are worthy of every Young Socialist's dorm room walls!
 

It warms my cold, hardened heart, comrade, that you are familiar with the Soviet classic by Venedikt Erofeev, Moscow to the End of the Line, which offers recipes for many glorious beverages of the proletariat - among them "Tears of a Komsomol Girl," made with mouthwash, nail polish, lemon soda, lavender toilet water, verbena and herbal lotion.



 

Just curious, my fellow comrades; when sub-contracting a properly unionized prostitute (I would never make such an arrangement directly...) Just WHERE would this union label be located? Spasebo...

(I wouldn't want to spoil the fun by running across it too soon!)
 

Dear Comrade Director, The scene with the Chief Ticket Inspector Semyonych was one of my most formative literary moments. After that book, I never read 'fiction' book again.
Here is my copy, which I keep close by at all times to remind me how bad it can get.

Red Square

It warms my cold, hardened heart, comrade, that you are familiar with the Soviet classic by Venedikt Erofeev, Moscow to the End of the Line, which offers recipes for many glorious beverages of the proletariat - among them "Tears of a Komsomol Girl," made with mouthwash, nail polish, lemon soda, lavender toilet water, verbena and herbal lotion.

The attachment Moskva_Petushki.jpg is no longer available
 

Tovarichi

Just curious, my fellow comrades; when sub-contracting a properly unionized prostitute (I would never make such an arrangement directly...) Just WHERE would this union label be located? Spasebo...

(I wouldn't want to spoil the fun by running across it too soon!)
 

Believe it or not, I found this on the SEIU site - a temporary 2x2" tattoo to display membership in Sex Employees International Union. But doesn't having a temporary union tattoo feel like cheating? Isn't it meant to be for life - something to show to you grand kids?



 

 

Comrade Director, Is this something like a Temporary User Permit... you know, just so that Young Socialists can experience some work without having to entirely give up on their State Education Plan?

Red Square

Believe it or not, I found this on the SEIU site - a temporary 2x2" tattoo to display membership in Sex Employees International Union. But doesn't having a temporary union tattoo feel like cheating? Isn't it meant to be for life - something to show to you grand kids?

SEIU_Tattoo.jpg
 

Here's your union label. "Proud to be a local..." whatever. This gal could use some waxing, although tastes differ and who am I to judge?



Live and learn. Here's a "Buy American, Buy Union" tattoo - from Wall Street Journal:

Quote:

United Auto Workers union local 594 president Don Skidmore showed off his “Buy American, Buy Union” tattoo outside his local union in Canton, Mich., Tuesday. General Motors said Monday it plans to close nine more plants, including one Mr. Skidmore’s union represents, as part of its bankruptcy. (Rebecca Cook/Reuters)
No worries, you will always have the streets, baby! And with all scab street walkers driven away, you'll get to pick your own clients at prevailing wages, due to seniority and status in the organization, and a nice gift to your sex shop steward on holidays. They'll pay and no one will have the right to say no or you'll file a petition with the National Labor Relations Board or bust his kneecaps, whichever comes first.



 

Back to cocktail recipes - I understand now that this book has a few different English translations with different titles. In the Mother tongue it's called "Moskva-Petushki."

I read it back in the Motherland when it still circulated in the form of underground faded photocopies. Now, of course, it had many editions with different covers and the author could be finally rich if he hadn't died in 1990. This is my favorite cover, with jubilant toilers holding flags that display various cheap wine labels popular among the drinking masses.



 

Red Square

Here's your union label. "Proud to be a local..." whatever. This gal could use some waxing, although tastes differ and who am I to judge?
Comrade Square, may I be so bold as to direct you to a photographic representation of a new App I'm in the process of writing which will answer this - and all other - gender-based questions?
 

Street Walker's Union, always check the label.



 

Alternative location for permit...
 

Suggestion to the boys in Agit-Prop: Do not place the words "scab" and "sex worker" on the same poster.
 

Uh-oh! And now we learn, that Senator Bob Menendez (D, N.J.) has been hiring prostitutes in Dominican Republic. At least one of his choices was only 16, when they first met (age of consent is 18 in the country) and thus could not possibly have been a union-member.

Is it any wonder, union membership fell more during Obama's 4 years, than during Bush's 8?
 

Thanks Uncle "Bob" Menendez. See you soon from Your Little Pookie.
 

Comrades, I fail to see why the hubbub, bub. After all, we've all been Obama Hos for a long time. Why bother with unionized sex workers? Our very humanity has been unionized with Obamacare, PBUH. Our health. If all cannot have it, none can. Except for the nomenklatura, and since we're all nomenklatura here, what's the problem? I mean, seriously. We're all whores for O, and the union doesn't mean anything because Lord O is in the process of unionizing every single atom in the universe. PBUH.
 

Senator Menendez loves the children (underage) like all democrats.
 

Could it be that in the wonderful democrat tradition of bwarney skank and jerry studds, maybe menendez eschews the use of a bookmark, instead preferring to bend over his pages?
 

Oh, Kow Bell, Bonnie Fwank bends over himself. Don't you know anything? He eats all your money, then bends over so you can keep it in him with a good poke and a prod.

It has to be. He can't move his upper lip. Savvy?
 

Father Prog -This lowly Kowbellian stands in humble acquiescence to your remarkable insight regarding the methodologies of “bonnie” type progs. Bending over oneself is indeed an accomplishment worthy of collective prog admiration, as they often march in unison adorned in @ssless chaps to emphasize this point. Further, I suspect that bonnie’s upper lip is capable of moving fantastically, but only when it involves a particular form of gratuitous tubular poking or prodding, or maybe while running a male prostitution ring or destroying the mortgage market. No, not quite savvy, but more of a proggish savoir-faire, limp wristed insight.
 

Kow Bell, I do take your point about Bonnie. But remember that Chris Dodd and Teddy "Chapaquiddick" Kennedy, the Lion of the Senate, and hear me roar, cough, cough, once made waitress sandwiches as a local Washington watering hole. Where they abused the waitresses. Which, as prog Senators, they had every right to do.

BTW, I don't believe that you've been to the Rancho del Rio Grande here in Texas. I extend you an invitation. I have here the finest of sweetmeats and other victuals and every Friday I have a mass impaling of Unsatisfactory Proles on the South Forty. In other words, people who say things which diminish the shine on my self-applied halo. Just like any other prog's halo but better, of course.

Bruno would love to see you too. He has so many tales of his, er, experiences, yes, experiences, with our Many Titted Empress Hillary, and can point out the divots in the terrazzo left by her hooves.

Oh, just to make sure that you have no problems, please send me in private message the details of your bank accounts.

This is for your own good, you know.
 

I'm Father Prog and you'll never learn any cheaper.

If you survive.
 

Papa Prog Poet-Dude –

I want to thank you for confirming that piano legged Hillary, she who suffers from “kankles”, exhibits exceedingly strong ungual tendencies. Due to your positive reinforcement I shall continue to refer to her as “hildabeast: the buck toothed moron”. But, and she as a big butt, there always seems to remain the problem of repairing the terrazzo and cleansing her stables. Lesson learned: never allow a hildabeast into your Texas home, less the terrazzo becomes imprinted.

Rest assured, your self-applied halo (auto-erotihalo?) remains intact. My unfortunate statement regarding “…more of a proggish savoir-faire, limp wristed insight” was not directed at you, but intended in the context of bonnie fwank’s multi-titted behavioral exhibitions. This robust equivocation is my error. As suggested earlier, your insight is fabulous indeed.

In any event, here are the particulars on my bank accounts: BB&T: 0. Wells Fargo: 0. 401k: Soon to be nationalized by the Kenyan. As for Bruno, just shave her @ss and have her walk backward towards Florida. Then simply give me a heads-up, and I’ll take care of the rest.
 

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, ‘Is this a union house?’
‘No,’ she replied, ‘I’m sorry it isn’t.’
‘Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’
‘The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,’ she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, ‘Why yes sir, this is a union house. ‘We observe all union rules.’
The man asked, ‘And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’ ‘The girls get $80 and the house gets $20..’
‘That’s more like it!’ the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde .

‘I’d like her,’ he said.
‘I’m sure you would, sir,’ said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, ‘but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she’s next.’