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Show Trial of The Century! Comrade Buffoon; et al.

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Reiuxcat wrote:Comrade Colonel,

It Depends!

If an increase in my already unlimited supply of fresh salmon is in order, then perhaps I did.

If an elimination of my unlimited supply of fresh salmon has been decided, then certainly not! I was framed. Probably by the three criminals now on trial!
I was thinking some halibut and a clean litterbox, but if you prefer salmon...

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I am now curious if the thoughtcriminals have any connection to Ford. Perhaps Comrade Car? Most suspicious. Most suspicious. DEFENSE! Where is your defense to my random and possibly unsubstantiated allegation?

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:
Reiuxcat wrote:Comrade Colonel,

It Depends!

If an increase in my already unlimited supply of fresh salmon is in order, then perhaps I did.

If an elimination of my unlimited supply of fresh salmon has been decided, then certainly not! I was framed. Probably by the three criminals now on trial!
I was thinking some halibut and a clean litterbox, but if you prefer salmon...

Alaskan Halibut? Have you heard from DDR Komerad?

I'm all ears!

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He caught it before the Palin Monster could.

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Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:
Comrade Buffoon wrote: NOTE: I shamelessly seek party approval by unashamedly admitting I am #1 fan of the Czarweary dialect...

Buffoon, you of lowly prolishness, are you to be of engagement to do the buttering on me?

YES! And not that silly imitation butter Fabio couldn't believe, the real salted and churned kind

As for our my liberation of family flowers thus denying the child'uns a 7th century education, I simply thought I wewas doing them a favor. There are those who would righteously fling acid on silly girls who have no right to (Czarweary dialect) "need to be of knowing two plus two."

But I do offer apologies if I have given you grief and I offer to marry wife #2 thus moving you up to wife #21. That twinkle in her eye has me "of feeling funny in the pants."

What size boot is her head?

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:I am now curious if the thoughtcriminals have any connection to Ford. Perhaps Comrade Car? Most suspicious. Most suspicious. DEFENSE! Where is your defense to my random and possibly unsubstantiated allegation?

Just sayin...

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Ford escaped the snare of government control last year and has turned a profit ever since.

Suspicious?

LET'S DANCE!


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Comrade Judge, I've been waiting and waiting for the Defense to offer....ummm...any defense. Apparently I have produced an air tight, incontrovertible case which my esteemed colleague Snoogie can not refute. Apparently he dare not even allow his clients to take the stand in their own defense. This case has dragged on now for 3 pages. The defense has offered no bribes or evidence. I make a motion that the court find the defendants guilty of all charges and hand down the only sentence possible.

Oh, and I have a number of freshly dug graves in my backyard which are available for a modest fee.

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I hope I'm not too late. Comrade Judge, if I may approach the Bench? Thank you.
I have additional evidence. I found the missing Egg. It was being sold on eBay by a Hong Kong company called BC Jac Limited. I won the bid at 500 Euros and had it shipped to Commissarka Pinkie. BC Jac Limited???????

I second Comrade Whoopie's motion!

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I do not deny my involvement with Mr. Ford and even admit to owning a vehicle produced in Capitalist Amerikkka, but I would like to point out to the court that nowhere on the external parts of the car will you find the "Ford" brandname, such was the shame of the engineers of their bloated Amerikkkan automobile that they would only allow it to be called a "Mustang", no longer something they considered a work of Ford.

As such, I drive it in reverence to the workers uniting in revolution against the Capitalist CEO's of their company.

If the court should see it fit, I shall rebrand it the Lada Mustang!

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Comrades Whoopie, and Grigori; your motions have been accepted. Also, please keep in mind, I may be the only Comrade it is impossible to be too late with.

Comrade Whoopie; I find you guilty of digging without proper permits.
Comrade Snoogie; I find you guilty of not presenting enough bribes to the court.
Commissarka Pinkie; I find you guilty of being alluring, available and swinging the meanest shovel in this or any other timeline.

And now on to the ThoughtCriminals Chedoh, Buffoon and just_a_car.

Comrade Chedoh, I find you guilty of absconding from justice, reappearing for justice, hoarding tasty cheese snacks, hoarding of multiple avatars, and practicing capitalism without a license.

Comrade Buffoon; I find you guilty of wearing an unapproved hat (boots are for the feet, not the head!), black marketeering, engaging in capitalistic enterprises, unauthorized distribution of hammers, theft of pebbles, and passing a field sobriety test.

Comrade just_a_car; I find you guilty of the playing of much creepy music, association with hooligans and capitalists, sharing the same toothbrush with Chedoh, serving as an unwitting dupe for the schemes of Buffoon and Chedoh, and for having a purple and gold paint job on your Lada.

Comrades Whoopie, Snoogie and Pinkie. You are hereby sentenced to a week at The Pup's Pleasure Palace for your hard work and sacrifice for The People(TM).

And as for the Capitalist Three; the trio of thoughtcriminals this court was summoned for;

You are hereby sentenced to step through the door on the left. You will pay the guard 5 rubles for the cost of executing your sentence, and shall be escorted to the inner chambers of the Inner Party to complete your punishment. May Stalin have mercy on all records concerning your existences.

COURT IS ADJOURNED! (unless it isn't, but we have wormholes and phone booths for that sort of thing).

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Colonel 7.62 wrote: Commissarka Pinkie; I find you guilty of being alluring, available and swinging the meanest shovel in this or any other timeline.

And as for the Capitalist Three; the trio of thoughtcriminals this court was summoned for;

You are hereby sentenced to step through the door on the left. You will pay the guard 5 rubles for the cost of executing your sentence, and shall be escorted to the inner chambers of the Inner Party to complete your punishment. May Stalin have mercy on all records concerning your existences.

COURT IS ADJOURNED!

A very fair and balanced sentence your honor, the People™ commend you for your diligence (as usual).

And may I say that you are absolutely correct about Pinkie. She's so smokin' that you could get arrested for doing her on an airline flight.

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ONE rope, Whoopie? Really? My Lenin, you could screw up a rock fight! How many thought criminals are gathered at the base of the gallows? Shall we count them? I see one...two...three.

And only one rope.

Now, unless we plan to open that noose up really wide and let them depart this life as really close comrades, I suggest we get somebody out there to swing up a couple more derricks and string a couple more neckties, or we're going to be standing in the rain all day long running them through a short drop ceremony one at a time. (and they all deserve a short drop so they can kick and gargle for our entertainment...Lenin knows they owe us a little.)

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Why didn't I think about it before?

7.62, I have another treasure map that leads to a crate of buried top shelf vodka, if I can possibly get a easier sentence I just may negligently leave it laying around in your housing unit.

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Honorable Judge and fellow Comrades,

A must fair sentence your honor and I have no intention of filing an appeal. These three thought criminals have proven themselves to be most worthy of further punishment in the privacy chambers of the inner party.

The defense and my three clients as a final gesture would like to offer the court a small token of its appreciation for the hard work you've done to ensure a most fair people's show trial.

For services rendered in the case of the "Pebbles For Profit" it is with great pleasure to present to all of you your own personal............


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Ivan Betinov wrote:ONE rope, Whoopie? Really? My Lenin, you could screw up a rock fight! How many thought criminals are gathered at the base of the gallows? Shall we count them? I see one...two...three.

And only one rope.


Not seen in the picture is a rain canopy for the spectators to stand under. You're right it is fun to watch them kick, that's why I wanted to drag it out by doing them one at a time. I also thought it would be fun watching them tussle over who gets to go first. Plus building a bigger gallows would entail chopping down more trees and that would be murder.

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I think the judge should now officially finalize this speedy trial with a closing statement.

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Please forgive me; I was infiltrating a capitalist gang and disguised as a sales agent which distracted me. It's horrible. Did you know some people can work without unions? I was shocked. But I digress.

Comrades, Thought Criminals, my fellow Progressives; I would like to thank you all for attending another Show Trial(TM). As always this was a collective endeavor. Sadly, I cannot name names, because The Court has once again ran out of vodka, and my memory is hazy. Besides, one should take comfort in knowing that they toiled for the Greater Good(TM) and not seek vain recognition.

The People's(TM) Justice moves swiftly, with fairness, and blind to outside influence (Oooh, krugerrands!) We have made a stern example today of The Capitalist Three to show The People(TM) that crimes against the collective will always be punished. You may rest easy tonight in your hovels knowing that The Party(TM) never stops watching you (GET A ROOM YOU FREAKS!) or your actions; this ensures that all receive their fair share and none are left out.

As you stumble home in a semi drunken stupor, remember that The People's Justice(TM) touches each and every one of us. (Except Pinkie, but she's special that way).

Comrades Chedoh, Buffon and just_a_car; you have received only the punishment which you deserved. As you spend the remainder of your days toiling for the collective, remember that it was your actions, and only your actions that brought this punishment upon you. You will forever serve as an example for the collective whole.

Court is adjourned!


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Comrade Buffoon wrote: But I do offer apologies if I have given you grief and I offer to marry wife #2 thus moving you up to wife #21. That twinkle in her eye has me "of feeling funny in the pants."

What size boot is her head?

I think I to give to one other boot to head! You can not be of marrying second wife you... you... BUFFOOOON!

And I already to be first wife - that is why I to have all the underwives. Have you not been of listening to any of my wordings?

How you got to be of passing Show Trial is beside my point. ALA ZEG!

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Comrade Putout wrote:
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Comrade, are you mad that I chose another? Well now is the time that we need to set aside the past and all rally under one red flag against the capitalist threat! We only have until November!

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Red Square wrote:I think the judge should now officially finalize this speedy trial with a closing statement.
CongressThe Inner Party Members and Assorted Commissars wish to have one final televised series of grandstanding, crap spouting self promotion to assist in their re-election plans.
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ThePeoplesComrade wrote:The Inner Party Members and Assorted Commissars wish to have one final televised series of grandstanding, crap spouting self promotion

Comrade, your malicious criticism of the Inner Party leaves me speechless. Denouncement seems inadequate. I will hold my tongue until my rage subsides. Perhaps cooler heads can instruct you in the error of your ways.

(Hey is that Lenin swearing allegiance to the Party?)

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Chedoh wrote:Comrade, are you mad that I chose another? Well now is the time that we need to set aside the past and all rally under one red flag against the capitalist threat! We only have until November!

Chedoh - you don't seem to be rallying driving for our side...

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