Smelly beavers cause climate change with methane emissions

Climate change: Beavers boost emissions with 800 million kg of methane every year

Methane gas has a previously overlooked source. Beavers are emitting enough methane that researchers are concerned with an imbalance of the "methane budget" and the long term effects on global climate warming season change modifications.

The science is settled and any challenge of such is racist. The methane budget will be amended by continuing resolutions, but mankind is still facing the problem that can't be licked: the smelly beaver.

What will the Goracle reveal? How deep is our government into this beaver business?
 

Do not let this news trouble you, Comrade Stakhanovets: Smelly beavers are not a threat to the worldwide spread of Communism the planet's ecosystems.

Some of our best Progs are smelly beavers! Two of them are vying right now to be our next Dear Leader, both of whom are 100% committed to our Glorious cause of destroying Capitalism via the phony Global Warminsk hoax the World of Next Tuesday.

So rest easy, Comrade, Global Warming Climate Change Climate Chaos is still, always has been, and always will be caused by Kapitalism [spit] and nothing else. Oh, and George Bush [spit, spit]. Who despite his name, is not actually a beaver but is certainly very smelly.

Now let's all get back to work making Climate Change propaganda. There is still much work to do.
 

.
.
Comrade Ivan the Stakhanovets - you have reached a new low...

THANK YOU SIR!
.


 

Dearest Comradelette May,

Rest assured, I do not make these stories up. I provide a link to a source, and sometimes a photo.

In this case, my concern for the environment caused me to read the link, and ponder such weighty issues as who pays the carbon credits for a beaver? Is there a difference between free-range beaver and domesticated beaver? (I would never pet a wild beaver...). If beavers were fed Moochelles school lunches, would the change of diet resolve the issue of methane production?

You see, beavers are a deep topic, difficult to breach, but once opened up, can provide a true release of feelings and anxieties, I can see where some would keep their beaver issues to themselves, and others may not even like beaver at all! Not that there is anything wrong with that...
 

On my part, I'm concerned about the changing diet of the world's beaver population that causes the undesirable emissions. Perhaps, our First Lady can share some tips as to maintaining a healthy beaver diet that can help prevent Global Warming.



 

Comrade People's Director, you are correct, as who can better make the connection between methane and diet than FLATUS?

I'll bet she knows plenty about smelly beavers....
 

Well, when it comes to college sports, The Beavers need special attention:



The Gamecocks left no doubt Tuesday night, leaving (The Beavers) bruised and erasing all those memories of being upset in the second round a year ago.


 

An actual day care center near Corvallis, Oregon (home of the Oregon State U. Beavers). Perhaps they teach them how not to be smelly?
 

I've lived on S Carolina, I'm no big Cock fan, but they are tough to beat.

The Beavers last outing ended in a close shave, didn't it?
 

Get it lathered up, and give it a good scrubbing with stiff bristles.


 

I don't know about the 'close shave' last outing of The Beavers but I do know that beating the 'Cocks is something that The Beavers consider to be a stroke of genius and are pleased to bring to a climax.

The Beavers definitely feel ashamed when they are forced to lay down and take a pounding.
 

.
.
Ahhhhh... the fresh air of the great outdoors!
.
.


 

Competition is all about who can score, but equality of results ensures a happy ending for all,

 

Why Comrade Ms. Putout! Don't you have one attractive beaver there!

Thanks for letting me pet it.
 

My pussy seems unimpressed with beavers



 

Soon to be extinct comrades,

It's worse than we could have imagined - far worse. Free range beavers, and the noxious methane gas accompanying them, have been detected by NASA's planet rover Curiosity! Yes my friends, you heard correctly - wild beaver have joined the planet killing cows in an all out effort to encircle the Solar System itself!

NASA's Mars Curiosity rover has measured a tenfold spike in methane, an organic chemical, in the atmosphere around it and detected other organic molecules in a rock-powder sample collected by the robotic laboratory's drill.

"This temporary increase in methane -- sharply up and then back down -- tells us there must be some relatively localized source," said Sushil Atreya of the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, a member of the Curiosity rover science team. "There are many possible sources, biological or non-biological, such as interaction of water and rock."

 

Mmmmm...Martian beaver!
 

.
.
I used an image similar to this recently... so sue me!
.
.


 

Beavers remind me of snappers...
 

 

 

Although Global-Warming Science reports that beavers contribute 800 million kilograms of methane to the atmosphere every year, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) emphasizes that "The undisputed science proves that wild beavers emit far less methane into the atmosphere than does the domestic variety."

Underscoring PETA's assertion is a companion scientific note to women urging them to learn an important lesson from the mistake of Tipper Gore: "Poor Climate Hygiene Causes Divorce."

Through Gmail data-mining of meta-data from email communications (including the content of text deleted from such drafts) between Al Gore and Tipper Gore shortly before their divorce several years ago, such data-mining algorithms (a.k.a. Al Gore Rhythms) reveal the actual thoughts of Al and Tipper leading to their divorce.

When Al pushed-away from Tipper's attempts to embrace him, Tipper was thinking. "Why is he pushin' me away?" At the same time, Al was thinking, "Uh jus' can't tell 'er how she's hurtin' Mother Earth."

The caption below the picture of Al rejecting Tipper's embrace poses the question "Why Does He Avoid Her Embrace?"

Below the caption is the answer based solidly on the Science of Climate Hygiene: "Nobody told Tipper that beaver methane emissions contribute to global warming." Case closed.

Indeed, this has been part of the Science of Hygiene since the 1950's, which can be found by searching for the text "Fault With Women" on this Collectors Weekly page.

--KOOK
 

Hey, Comrades,

Regarding this Smelly Beaver thing:

I have spent days wondering if I should actually click on this post. I was wondering if it was leading to a place that I thought it was leading.

Click!

Yep, there it was! The very place I thought it was leading.

After pulling myself off the floor (I couldn't breathe because of the laughter) And, after grabbing my inhaler, I gathered myself together and wondered what I could possibly add to this brilliant discourse.

At first, nothing. That is my usual reply.

Then I recalled an incident where I received a call from a supplier who wanted to give me his company's address:

It went like this:

Supplier: Do you have a pencil?

Me: Yes.

Supplier: Are you ready?

Me: Um, yeah. I'm ready.

Supplier: That would be: 54321 Big Beaver Drive! Did you get that?

Me: Oh, yeah, I got it, right on the first try. Thanks!

Supplier: Just to make sure, it's 54321 Big Beaver Drive! I'll repeat! It's 54321 BIG BEAVER DRIVE! Did you get that?

Me: Oh yeah, I most definitely got that.

Supplier: Good! I just wanted to make sure. Eh, eh.

This is a true story!

Seriously!
 

It's all about protecting the environment!
 

We can all do our part to prevent Beaver Emissions. Reducing the size of one's "Beaver Footprint" is the responsible thing to do for the enjoyment of others.

 

Gee Mom, I think maybe it's time to give the Beaver a bath.
 

KOOK

Although Global-Warming Science reports that beavers contribute 800 million kilograms of methane to the atmosphere every year, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) emphasizes that "The undisputed science proves that wild beavers emit far less methane into the atmosphere than does the domestic variety."

Underscoring PETA's assertion is a companion scientific note to women urging them to learn an important lesson from the mistake of Tipper Gore: "Poor Climate Hygiene Causes Divorce."

Through Gmail data-mining of meta-data from email communications (including the content of text deleted from such drafts) between Al Gore and Tipper Gore shortly before their divorce several years ago, such data-mining algorithms (a.k.a. Al Gore Rhythms) reveal the actual thoughts of Al and Tipper leading to their divorce.

When Al pushed-away from Tipper's attempts to embrace him, Tipper was thinking. "Why is he pushin' me away?" At the same time, Al was thinking, "Uh jus' can't tell 'er how she's hurtin' Mother Earth."

The caption below the picture of Al rejecting Tipper's embrace poses the question "Why Does He Avoid Her Embrace?"

Below the caption is the answer based solidly on the Science of Climate Hygiene: "Nobody told Tipper that beaver methane emissions contribute to global warming." Case closed.

Indeed, this has been part of the Science of Hygiene since the 1950's, which can be found by searching for the text "Fault With Women" on this Collectors Weekly page.

--KOOK

Grooming is important. Removal of undesirable parasites such as fleas, ticks and small crustaceans is an important step in ensuring environmental harmony. A clean beaver is essential for a clean environment and a happy home.

An example of a well groomed beaver is shown below:



 

Furry comrades,

How many times have we heard the old cliche “man bites dog” in referencing a bizarre news story? Well, Craptek News Services would like to offer an alternative cliche which we tentatively label the “beaver eats man” story.





ROCHESTER, New York - In a fit of rage - possibly over disputed water rights - an angry beaver dragged Mike Cavanaugh out of his kayak and attempted to eat him for lunch. Nate Reynolds, a local kayak instructor and part time beaver tamer, whipped out his custom made Sun Shadow Crank and leapt to Cavanaugh’s defense. The fierce battle ended when Nate hammered the overstimulated beaver into submission with his paddle. Nate survived with nothing to show for his bravery but a broken shaft clutched in one hand.
 

Liquidating a threat to the globe never tasted so good!
 

[quote="Captain Craptek"]Furry comrades,

How many times have we heard the old cliche “man bites dog” in referencing a bizarre news story? Well, Craptek News Services would like to offer an alternative cliche which we tentatively label the “beaver eats man” story.


Beaver-Tamer.jpg

ROCHESTER, New York - In a fit of rage - possibly over disputed water rights - an angry beaver dragged Mike Cavanaugh out of his kayak and attempted to eat him for lunch. Nate Reynolds, a local kayak instructor and part time beaver tamer, whipped out his custom made Sun Shadow Crank and leapt to Cavanaugh’s defense. The fierce battle ended when Nate hammered the overstimulated beaver into submission with his paddle. Nate survived with nothing to show for his bravery but a broken shaft clutched in one hand.[/quote]

I hate it when that happens. The pain and expense can be quite disheartening. Not to mention the embarrassment of being caught in public, standing in the middle of a puddle, with a wet beaver and a broke shaft in your hand. There's a fine line between heroic bravery and shameless perversion, in a case like this.
 

A giant Sport Utility Beaver took revenge on a group of environmentalists who were gathered to express their disdain for the smelly varmint. The fury critter has been deemed by science as a threat to the stability of the global climate. The sport-utility beaver was aroused to an uncontrollable fit and responded with a furious assault on its tormentors.