Check this out! It sounds like someone here wrote this article from the Onion. I demand a purge to find out who leaked this article out to the onion!

USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program

MOSCOW, USSR—Less than a week after the return of the Atlantis orbiter marked the end of the U.S. space shuttle program, the crowded streets and textile factories of Moscow erupted in celebration as the USSR officially declared victory over the United States in the Space Race.

"At long last, our great Soviet republic has conquered the West and achieved technological and ideological superiority over America," Kremlin representative Sergei Voronin said Wednesday, announcing the achievement to an audience of joyous beet farmers and steel factory laborers assembled in Red Square. "We have established our unrivaled dominion over the stars and planets and stand now at the dawn of a new era, an era in which the tenets of communism shall echo loudly across the Earth's entire expanse."

The termination of NASA's space shuttle program marks the end of a nearly 54-year rivalry between the USSR and the United States to achieve superiority in space exploration. The communist state's solidification of its place as the world's predominant superpower has been observed with lavish military parades and celebrations in cities from Leningrad to East Berlin.

Truly a cause for celebration, comrades! And brought to you by ObamaCard™!

Comrades,


I must confess that I like what Obama's done for our Human-Space-Exploration Missions:




--Minister of Truth

Comrades, manned spaceflight had to be shut down. Some people think that it is a noble endeavor, a true achievement. Some fools think that the Space Shuttle was the most complicated machine ever built and the biggest technological triumph.

Rubbish. It had to go because Dear Obastard doesn't want anyone looking up except at him. Space Shuttles fly overhead and that won't do.

Also because Dear Odimbo has no education of any importance which would let him do something quantifiable.

Rumors come from late-night sessions at the White House: "if you can put a number to it, it's bad. A number might show that we are lying."

From my perspective as a black progressive female, I would think that once we train enough black rocket scientists and astronauts (through the Ka-Daffy scholarship fund), I bet Comrade Odimbo will find enough money in his stash to start the program up again.

Leninka, I think that you are right. And after fifty years of sensitivity training and diversity workshops they might make something, only forty years after Rutan has done it by private money. So Rutan must be destroyed.

Really. He is only interested in doing it right. He doesn't care how aluminum might feel if it was replaced by carbon fiber or titanium. He doesn't understand diversity.

Defunding of NASA must be viewed as a glorious redistribution. Imagine the numerous jobs saved by redistributing the excesses of a decadently competitive space race to our more deserving proletariat. With fists held high in victorious solidarity and hands outstretched in greedy entitlement, we pay Obamage to the State which provides equally to all.

Yes, and we should only look up from the rows of beets and potatoes to salute Air Force One as it goes on another vacation for The One.

Speaking of aluminum, I bet Comrade Moochelle can squeeze and compress an aluminum can better than Dear Leader, hands down. As for Air Force One, I'll be looking up to the sky to see if he throws down any discarded ribs from an in-flight feast of Kobe beef. I've been hankering for some Q.