Stock market crash foretells third coming of Bush

User avatar

Six days of stock market losses that have erased trillions of dollars of global wealth are being taken as a sign that the long-awaited Third Coming of Bush is at hand. Those gifted in the dark art of political prognostication have reportedly been awaiting this omen for many months.

Well known oracle Karl Rove was the first to recognize the significance of the financial portent, tweeting “As it was in 1987, as it was in 2000, so will it be in 2016. Let the Third Bush come forth and the world tremble at his glory!”

David Brooks, Chief Conservative Augur for the New York Times, elaborated in an op-ed, “[t]he election of a President Bush is always foreshadowed by a massive stock market crash. The Black Monday crash of 1987 ushered in the presidency of George H. W. Bush in 1988. The 'dot com' crash that began in March 2000 signaled the rise of George W. Bush later that year. The past few days have witnessed the decimation of world markets and a 1,900 point loss on New York Stock Exchange, and I am pleased to proclaim that, without a doubt, Jeb Bush will be the Republican nominee, and the next President of the United States.”

National Republican Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, also a talented and connected political soothsayer, called the GOP faithful to action, saying, “the prophecies tell of the Third, or 'Charmed,' Bush that will lead America to greatness. But before that time, the enemies of the Charmed Bush must rise up against him, so that they may be revealed and smitten. I urge the party faithful not to be seduced by the enemies of the Charmed One; rather, they should support, endorse, and give generously, so that they may be rewarded when the Third Bush ascends to his throne.”

Not all political clairvoyants agree with the interpretation that the market crash is a harbinger of a Bush presidency. DNC prophetess Debbie Wasserman Schultz noted, “I am aware of the appearances, but this event is not so much a presage of the Third Bush as a ghostly vestige of the Second Bush, akin to the crash of 2008, which forebode the coming of Barack the Majestic, may he live forever. I think our candidates stand a very good chance.”

User avatar
Komrade Kilroy, there's a lot of pseudoscientific jargon attached to these Rethuglikan politicians of which you speak. Are you a secret member of the Bush Underground? Or an All-Powerful Stooge in the Holy Order of Bushmen? I'd like to know, I have a 3-line phone and the Party HQ's in all state capitals & major & minor cities on speed dial.

As for the third coming of Bush, I agree that it is coming soon. The drop of the DOW is indicative of the first tremors of the earthquake of Revolution. Soon the entire market will drop, then the economy, and by that time we will have ended our long journey on the Oregon-Lenin Public Works Nature Trail to reach the state of Kalifornia, which is the only Demokratic People's Republic in the Demokratic Republic of the United Socialist States of America. We will have also led the native Kapitalism and Religion of the DPRUSSA down a trail of tears, only to be placed into small, restrictive pieces of land far away from their native lands and forgotten as symbols of the past not to be visited and to be toyed with as much as possible.

I have no doubt that Hillary, whose Bush is large enough to be confused for a male ex-president, is the Third Coming. Of course, we all know that Noam Chomsky is the Second Coming, but his coming was rather impotent.

User avatar
Fear not, comrades!

Hillary the anointed and deserving will LICK BUSH in 2016!

User avatar
I have no convictions until the party rightfully decides which line I should toe. Take care of those phone lines comrade; certain people would consider even a mistaken, innocent reference to Hillary's bush to be an assault upon the dignity of the state itself.

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Fear not, comrades!

[highlight=#ffff00]Hillary[/highlight] the anointed and deserving [highlight=#ffff00]will LICK BUSH[/highlight] in 2016!


According to Huma Mahmood Abedin, the afore mentioned activity has been occurring for many years.

User avatar
The good fortune of Huma, imagine spending your days with the Many Titted Empress, and nights with Carlos Danger...when does she catch her breath?

User avatar
So...does this mean that they were riding around in a Good Huma truck when they went on that road trip earlier this year?

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Fear not, comrades!

Hillary the anointed and deserving will LICK BUSH in 2016!

Calling him on the carpet, as it were. One never knows, however. It might be a close shave. We'll just have to see.

Karl Rove, played by Bluebottle: I have always wanted to be an engine driver.
Jeb Bush, played by Eccles: Oooh, oooh. And I've always wanted to be the village idiot.
Rove: Then we've both succeeded!
Bush: Ow, no, ow-wow. I'm not the village idiot.
Rove: No?
Bush: No, but when he retires, my name's top of the list.