Ted Cruz: other than cigarette smoking, the pic is accurate

First Breitbart and then Time reported earlier today that mysterious photoshopped posters of Ted Cruz, showing the Texas Republican senator shirtless, with edgy tattoos, smoking a cigarette, were plastered around various locations in Los Angeles, like the Beverly Hilton Hotel, late Thursday night.

Time Magazine writes: Of course, Cruz is tattooed in poster form only. Some mischief-maker posted his photoshopped (we think!) image around town ahead of a speaking engagement for the congressmen at Beverly Hills’ Claremont Institute. The event was scheduled for Saturday night.

Likely a prank, the stunt prompted a tongue-and-cheek response from the Senator:




They think it's prank? How much do we know about Ted Cruz, really? Could it be that this picture is actually a selfie texted from his phone to a mysterious Tea Party knockout, and his official bio is nothing more than a fictionalized alternative reality?

According to our sources, Ted Cruz is actually a twin brother of Chuck Norris, and his powers extend beyond the realm of what can be grasped by mere mortals.

We know for a fact that...

- When Al Gore invented the Internet, his inbox already contained three unread emails from Ted Cruz.

- Ted Cruz has a quadruple citizenship in the U.S., Canada, Middle-earth and Westeros.

- If you superimpose Ted Cruz's fingerprints, the resulting image will be the Seal of the President of the United States.

- When Ted Cruz got bit by a rattle snake, the snake had to sign up for Obamacare but couldn't get through the login screen and died after a week of pain and agony in front of the computer.

- Ted Cruz has already won the presidential election in 2016 with a roundhouse kick in the polls; the pollsters just haven't developed the technology to look that far into the future.

More facts and documentary footage to follow.

UPDATE: Soopermexican has made his list of signs pointing that Ted Cruz may be a badass:

- Cruz bumped Sen. Tom Udall (D-N.M.) in the hallway, pointed and said “what’s that on your tie?” When Udall looked down Cruz flipped up his hand, batting him in the face. As Udall arrived at the Senate cafeteria, he noticed his lunch money was gone.

- Ted Cruz regularly sits on the hood of his Camaro in the Senate parking lot, with a toothpick in his mouth, waiting for the Senate Women’s Caucus to let out.
- When Sen. John McCain asked Cruz what he was filibustering against, Cruz replied “whaddya got?”

- Suspect fitting Cruz’s description drove slowly by the White House, clinking three empty beer bottles stuck to his fingers and taunting, “Obaaaamaaa! Come out to play-ee-yay!”

- Spends all Republican caucus meetings slowly rocking his back-row chair, chewing gum and cracking wise.

- Anonymous complaint filed with the Senate Ethics Committee alleged a certain Texas senator “only refers to Hawaii Sen. Schatz by the present-tense version of his name.”

 

 

Ted Cruz can kick Putin's ass. Unlike Mr. Mom jeans.
 

Join the hash tag game on Twitter - #TedCruzBadass
 

 

In addition to Breitbart and Drudge, the story of Ted Cruz's poster has, curiously enough, entered the leftist and mainstream media (excuse the tautology).

Breitbart - http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government ... erly-Hills
The Washington Times - http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/201 ... -gets-pla/
The Washington Post - http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/rel ... snt-smoke/
Time Mag - http://time.com/26113/ted-cruz-la-tatto ... tte-tweet/
ABC news - http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/20 ... z-posters/
Huffington Post - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/1 ... 71355.html
Salon - http://www.salon.com/2014/03/16/ted_cru ... ed_poster/

And I'm not mentioning smaller news outlets and blogs. How long will other details of Ted Cruz's REAL legendary life remain hidden?

This begs the question:

WHO IS TED CRUZ?

 

The artist's name is SABO.... street artist (and former military vet) out of the L.A. area.


In the art world conservatives have few friends, most of the ilk being dullard leftists... this guy's the genuine deal. I've commissioned work from him in the past, he did me an awsome Obama-Socialism-Joker piece.


Please check this guy out!!! Working in Occupied Libtard-land he needs all the support he can get!


Facebook: Keywords: Sabo Art, Unsavoryagents


http://unsavoryagents.com/
 

Red Square always asks the right question but this time he hit it out of the park when he

In addition to Breitbart and Drudge, the story of Ted Cruz's poster has, curiously enough, entered the leftist and mainstream media (excuse the tautology).

This begs the question:

WHO IS TED CRUZ?

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I will tell you, sir... he is a dope smoking Canadian!
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Here we see him attempting to place the Canadian Dope Squirrel onto the back of one of our young American patriots!
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Go back to Canada... EH!!
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(Now I must find a picture of a Canadian tautology so I can make fun of him/her/it!)
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Images I used
 

This Sabo is a disturbing fellow!

It would be tragic to the cause and to the party were large numbers of teabaggers to purchase his work!
 

Media stories about this "event" keep popping up everywhere. Just as I updated the previous post with links, Breitbart publishes a follow-up:

Ted Cruz Signs Now-Infamous Poster of Himself: 'The Fight For Liberty Never Ends'

In case you missed the original story, here are some helpful links:

Breitbart - http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government ... erly-Hills
The Washington Times - http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/201 ... -gets-pla/
The Washington Post - http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/rel ... snt-smoke/
Time Mag - http://time.com/26113/ted-cruz-la-tatto ... tte-tweet/
ABC news - http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/20 ... z-posters/
Huffington Post - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/1 ... 71355.html
Salon - http://www.salon.com/2014/03/16/ted_cru ... ed_poster/
 

Even Chuck Norris steps back when Ted Cruz walks by.
 

I

Now I must find a picture of a Canadian tautology so I can make fun of him/her/it!
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Done!
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Images I used
 

Only Ted can hit the button labeled "resume".
 

It has begun!

IJReview wrote about this too, posting someone's video of Cruz appearing in many iconic images:


 

Feodor Cruzinskiy is most Equal Comrade, Comrades! Comrade Feodor can solve a peoples cube in less than a second! Can you do that?
 

Comrades, I would now like to bring to the forefront of the attention of the collective (at least for the meantime; dear leader will determine the next national discussion in the morning) to one of the chiefest evils of our Age...
The unstoppable Fuhrer of Reich wing Jihadist Juggernaut. The Mighty Cruz missile.
The leader of the Fascist Teabillies is more of a threat to the welfare of the collective than previously determined. It is now known through state intelligence agencies that Ted Cruz's foul racism is not indeed simply due to his mental condition(disobedience to the party). Rather it is partially the result of his knowledge that he is not at all human. DNA analysis done by the scientific division of the NSA, lead by Al-Gore, show that Ted Cruz is the biological descendant of Hunnic god of War on his mothers side, and a Númenorean on his Fathers with less than two percent of equal blood. He is an aspiring member the Q continuum, and the rightful heir to the Akkadian Empire.
Make no mistake comrades, this monster is not a foolish and simple thoughtkriminal like that Moron Sarah Palin...He is a dangerous and formidable enemy of the People.
Though the initial reports seem sketchy, Rumors of the extent of Cruz's Powers are beginning to surface...

-Ted Cruz takes summer vacations to North Korea.

-Ted Cruz Hacked into Vladamir Putins encrypted abacus, and signed him up for the affordable Care Act.

-When Ted Cruz uses Healthcare.gov, It works just fine.

-Ted Cruz can Shake the Right hand of the Eagle in the IRS logo.
 

Ted Cruz's Eagle Tattoo Screams 'AMERICA' when he flexes his Abdomen.

An Airplane once took Ted Cruz's parking spot. That Airplane is still missing over the indian ocean

Ted Cruz and Vladimir Putin are the Real Reason that the USA and USSR were the world powers.

Ted Cruz Can Gerrymander Galaxies

Ted Cruz's sequestered the Dinosaurs into extinction.

Ted Cruz Hunted the Unicorns into extinction.

Ted Cruz knows what the Fox says.

Ted Cruz can annihilate entire ecosystems with one Exhale.

Ted Cruz cut the the Roman Infrastructure Budget, and caused the Empire to collapse.

Ted Cruz Filibustered the creation of the Second Death Star. So the Empire just finished the superlaser in time for the Rebel Attack
 

Ted Cruz beat the Boss level on Tetris, and Flappy Birds.
Ted Cruz built the Serpent Mound as the First Gadsen Flag.
Ted Cruz can say anything, and still be racist.
Ted Cruz can listen to two Biden Speeches with a straight face, and shrugs bullets from his Air Shotgun.
Ted Cruz is faster than an increasing debt limit, more powerful than a green Electric Locomotive, and able to leap the Debt Ceiling in a single bound.
 

Obama said "Yes we can."
Ted Cruz said,"Well, yes. With my help."

Ted Cruz rode a Horse once, which became the star of a children book by rush limbaugh.

Ted Cruz can see Russia from wherever he is at the time.

Ted Cruz can see whatever you are doing WITHOUT the NSA. He is preparing to sue himself for violating the Rights of the People.

Ted Cruz is launched at Al Qaeda from destroyers

Ted Cruz entered Iran, and caused that Nation to Violate UN Nuclear Sanctions

Ted Cruz left Iraq the moment it was invaded. That WMD was never found.

When Ted Cruz exercises, he lowers the Cost of Energy in the United States.

Ted Cruz sneezed, and snuffed out all the Lights in North Korea.

Ted Cruz can sink islands.

Ted Cruz attended Prom with the Statue of Liberty in High-school
 

Well, yeah. That goes without saying.
 

I heard that Ted Cruz burns up into ashes each night, but rises again from those ashes the next morning.