I was really and truly pissed that the sun set before I wanted it to, and before I told it to—I still had some impaling to do. I mean, what use is it being a Made Progressive if the sun does what it wants to do? To make things worse, my scale read more this morning than I told it to. Sometimes I wonder why I try.

There was nothing for it but to watch television and sulk. While surfing I came across a program about a man in World War II who was helping tanks range their fire. They couldn't see over the ridge to fire at the enemy, so he'd stand on the ridge, and they'd shoot over his head and hit the Germans. Then he'd move and they'd shoot over his head and hit the Germans, again, like the Germans asked for it. AmeriKKKa was so barbaric that they awarded him the Congressional Medal of Honor for participating in this barbaric exercise.

Then I thought of the brave Jodin Morey. What Would Jodin Do? Such an inspiration to me. WWJD? Because I've studied his writings, I know WWJD. War is never justified, the brave ladies of Code Pink tell us, and I believe them. They picket Marine recruiting offices which means that they have to be right.

As we know, Jodin tells us, his head perkily cocked to the side, violence never solves anything. This bit by the Medal of Honor recipient was just showing off. He should have gone to the enemy and told them of how he felt and impressed them with his sincerity, and how he came in peace. Then the AmeriKKKan tanks wouldn't have had to shoot the enemy, which was not really the enemy, and so the enemy wouldn't have been the enemy. Personally I think that the enemy was the Americans, because they thought that war solved something, whereas the peaceful Germans had only been having a picnic in Poland and the British had set fire to London themselves to make the peaceful Germans look bad.

I remembered how Jodin was protesting at the Rethuglican convention in Minneapolis. He followed the protest leader who marched up to the police and informed them that they came in peace and that she wanted to perform a citizen's arrest. “We are not violent. We do not want to be tazed.” I ask you: what's more reasonable than that?

Why couldn't this Medal of Honor recipient have been more like Jodin? Why did he have go guide the tank fire of the oppressive AmeriKKKan running dogs against peace-loving Germans who were merely reacting against Yankee imperialism?

If Jodin had been there, he'd have taken off his uniform because he didn't want to be mistaken for an American soldier, and sashayed down there and had an earnest talk with Fritz and Hans and stopped that silly war right there. “I am not violent. I was drafted into this war. I'm know you were victims of the military-industrial complex just like I was. I bet your uniform isn't even made by a union. I'm sure that you had good reasons for invading Poland and sinking AmeriKKKan ships. There's no reason that we cannot talk, and after we talk, AmeriKKKa will apologize and withdraw and you can start on Lithuania. Oh. And we'll grovel and send you money.”

Because Made Progressives know that war is never justified, and violence never solves anything, and I know that because no matter what I do, no matter what I say, there is a policeman, who is of course a pig, there to protect me, even though he's a fascist swine. And no matter what other countries say about AmeriKKKa, and no matter how much they try to murder us, I know that I can say just what I want because AmeriKKKan fascists in the military will be there to keep it from happening. Which doesn't mean that they're not fascists, of course.

I'm so glad to be a Made Progressive and Jodin Morey is my hero. When I'm not dreaming of Mikael Rudolph.

By the way, I am taking collections for diapers for Jodin Morey and Mikael Rudolph. It's so expensive when a cop looks at them, they fall to the ground, and soil themselves. Bruno tried to teach them to be a man, but even he gave up. "Theocritus," he said, "now you'll never call me a pussy again."

"No, Bruno, I won't. Oh, your mascara is running."

"Thank you Theocritus. You promised me that if I tried to teach Jodin and Mikael to act like men you'd get me some new platform mules, and I did, and you owe me, you know."

"All right, all right, all right. You tried. You'll have them."

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I'm so glad to be a Made Progressive and Jodin Morey is my hero. When I'm not dreaming of Mikael Rudolph.

By the way, I am taking collections for diapers for Jodin Morey and Mikael Rudolph. It's so expensive when a cop looks at them, they fall to the ground, and soil themselves. Bruno tried to teach them to be a man, but even he gave up. "Theocritus," he said, "now you'll never call <i>me</i> a pussy again."

"No, Bruno, I won't. Oh, your mascara is running."

"Thank you Theocritus. You promised me that if I tried to teach Jodin and Mikael to act like men you'd get me some new platform mules, and I did, and you owe me, you know."

"All right, all right, all right. You tried. You'll have them."

Theocritus, those mules are well deserved, not only for Bruno's efforts, but for the reason that Jodin and Mikael have nothing on Bruno. Of course, they care, they weep, they soil their undies, all for the innocent and wrongly imprisoned freedom fighters. But Bruno has aspirations of a completely different sort. Of course these aspirations are discouraged in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, where we will all be like Jodin and Mikael. And yet, "Papa may have, Mama may have, but blessed is the Bruno whose got his own." Oh, no, now, I'm mixing my Prog on with my Prog off. Forgive me, it's late.

Writing out "Made Progressive" is so last Tuesday, Theo, in addition to being racist and insensitive. The new politikally korrekt term is "MadProg," and you are most korrekt that Jodin is a MadProg among MadProgs. I can imagine him now, going to the Nazis in peace,and then leaving them in pieces.

I tend to be rather anachronistic linguistically. In college I was a member of the SPSM, or the Society for the Preservation of the Subjunctive Mood. But that was before the embarrassing wealth of the internet acronyms, and texting acronyms.

And MadProg is pleasingly ambiguous--mad or made; take your point. And it would remove us from actions by the Mafia for using their term, "made."

Leninka, I have to tell you that when Jodin and Mikael were here, I was very proud of Bruno. Their whining completely drowned out his. I longed for a good rendition of "Tico, Tico," with all the fruit on his head, after I heard Jodin and Mikael yapping. After ten minutes you think it's a dog fight between two overweight superannuated old ladies' lap dogs which have spent last 15 years bugging their eyes. Bruno served them a glass of water. Jodin asked, "Was this bottled by union labor?" I did not say it was out of the tap. Mikael mimed that he would not drink any water that was not union labor, with an elaborate display of flailing arms, exaggerated marching, pretending that he had a sign, and then collapsing with the back of his hand to his forehead. And all of this time they were, yapping at each other.

But there was one effect: the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits, after ten minutes, backed up on their hind feet, hissed, "Nuclar, nuclar, nuclar, we're outta here," and I haven't seen one since.

Even the Cher monster left, driven out by Jodin and Mikael.

Have a little present for the collective and I'd like to present Commissar Theocritus with the first one:

Thank you, Grigori, thank you. And by "dealt with" I mean impaling.

It's so nice to be a made prog. I never have doubts about my excellence and entitlement; I squirm with delight in bed at night, burrowing under the covers, sighing, "No matter what I do or what I am, I'm a Made Prog."

I snap my fingers at convention; I scorn other's property, until it becomes my property and then I hold onto it like Our Many Titted Empress with the Rose Law Firm billing records.

You're welcome Commissar Theocritus. I was just thinking...........tis the wedding season. Maybe ths?:

Grigori, I will never sleep again. This is the most revolting thing that I have ever seen. Bar none.

How do <i>you</i> sleep at night? Does this get you off?

I shall hound you to the ends of the earth.

Red should post this Mime-Barfalo wedding invitation picture under the "news we don't have time to report on" section. I think it would be perfect for scaring the trolls away.

That's the most frightening thing that I've ever seen. But do we want the trolls to go away? l love trolls. Bring me trolls. Trolls are my meat. Bring me trolls!

You have a point, Theo. Trolling the trolls is rather amusing and a favorite pastime of mine. However, this site is extremely troll proof. What could they possibly say that we wouldn't agree with while in kharakter?

And then they're no fun because they are so easily mocked. At https://www.jessicaswell.com someone decided that he would out as many of us as possible. Most of the contributors (there are six) are in Midland and they write on local issues, mostly point out the fuckheadedness of the local government. I'm not local and I mock His O'liness and our MTE and liberals in general.

Someone's ox got gored and someone got pissed.

Three of us were outed (too late!) in every local blog. Without exception the local bloggers pulled the posts, leaving Kwatee a very damp squib. I didn't care; I have a wide-moat business. But others might have. As it happened, nothing did happen.

And I've driven off all the trolls there, which is a shame. I really must learn to play them, for they're so cute when they're gasping. Once there was Pandora, who would projectile vomit sodden liberal pieties. I couldn't make her pay attention. So I put her in Pandora's Box. (Pardon if you read this elsewhere; the Cube is big.)

Pandora, just because I do not like Hillary Clinton does not mean that I am a sexist. I like Margaret Thatcher and Jean Kirkpatrick and Florence King and Condi Rice. You have three choices.

1. Prove to me that I am a sexist. If you do, I will apologize.
2. State that you spoke in haste.
3. Projectile vomit another of your mindless platitudes.

If you choose 3, you are demented. You will not engage. You are ignoring reality. You are psychotic.

You know what? I had to do it <i>three times</i> to that silly twat, and then she got huffy.

And left.

Oh, give me a home,
Where the stupid trolls roam...

It's all Bush's fault!
I was going through the thousands of HATE Bush videos for a comment on the Snoogie Woogums' post and I found these three:


I blacked out from there. All I remember is the most horrific visions and waking up to ......ghast.......gasp.............the wedding photo! Sorry my friends, please do forgive.

I have to admit that that wedding photo of the Mime and Gawdawfulo haunts me. This is like viewing pictures of headless corpses, except that the corpses can't do evil--assuming that they did.

Imagine the smog of self-righteousness. Makes me shudder.

Even worse, imagine what their spawn would be like...

Comrades, notice the triumph in progressive engineering. Her flowers have not wilted from being in her hand.

Commissar *sob* *sob* you always write the most touchingly progressive articles. An inspiration really... please Commissar give me a caption for Jodin's glorious picture. I am a mad-prog Peoples Artist(TM) that has read Rules for Radicals twelve thousand times and do not follow bourgeois KKKapitalist protocol(spit). We must glorify Jodin!

What? More Cowbell? No Jodin Glorification? Pa-Tooooey Spit!

Why is it that we're giving him The Congressional Medal of Honor? Shouldn't be "The Progressional Medal of Honor? That carries more prestige! More self esteem!
I think he was already awarded the Purple Fart for his heroic running away and going above the call of duty by taking a glancing blow from a rubber bullet plus dropping his valise and cell phone. Thank Lenin he still had his fanny pack under his orange jumpsuit. I can't imagine a greater horror, except being seen having an honest debate with a RethugliKKKan.

(Shudders....)

Hrrrrmmmmm...... Jodin Morey is A Winner!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I tend to be rather anachronistic linguistically. In college I was a member of the SPSM, or the Society for the Preservation of the Subjunctive Mood. But that was before the embarrassing wealth of the internet acronyms, and texting acronyms.

And MadProg is pleasingly ambiguous--mad or made; take your point. And it would remove us from actions by the Mafia for using their term, "made."

Leninka, I have to tell you that when Jodin and Mikael were here, I was very proud of Bruno. Their whining completely drowned out his. I longed for a good rendition of "Tico, Tico," with all the fruit on his head, after I heard Jodin and Mikael yapping. After ten minutes you think it's a dog fight between two overweight superannuated old ladies' lap dogs which have spent last 15 years bugging their eyes. Bruno served them a glass of water. Jodin asked, "Was this bottled by union labor?" I did not say it was out of the tap. Mikael mimed that he would not drink any water that was not union labor, with an elaborate display of flailing arms, exaggerated marching, pretending that he had a sign, and then collapsing with the back of his hand to his forehead. And all of this time they were, yapping at each other.

But there was one effect: the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits, after ten minutes, backed up on their hind feet, hissed, "Nuclar, nuclar, nuclar, we're outta here," and I haven't seen one since.

Even the Cher monster left, driven out by Jodin and Mikael.

This phenomenon, that the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits were driven away by Jodin and Mikael, is not an unusual one. It is likened to something Confucius say: Progs alway implode on themselves. Notice how, it wasn't an evil Republican Chesapeake Bay retreiver, or some such dog that drove those nano Jimmy Carter rabbits away, but rather, two creatures much like themselves, only larger, and more intense.

Another example: what did it take to stop the unstoppable, let's see, what is it that she is called, Hillary the "Many Titted Empress?" Notice, how it wasn't John McCain who stopped her on her road to glory, but rather, his O'liness, one of her own kindred spirits, with the help of Howard Dean.

Dr. Strangelove wrote:Red should post this Mime-Barfalo wedding invitation picture under the "news we don't have time to report on" section. I think it would be perfect for scaring the trolls away.

Or just bring them in, either way, we win!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, notice the triumph in progressive engineering. Her flowers have not wilted from being in her hand.

They could be porcelain.

I'm beginning to think that I need a daily Jodin Morey fix. Just look at how cute he is when he cocks his head to the side. And how he trims his beard. Oh Jodin! You make my heart go pit-a-pat!

Please bless me with the pearls of wisdom which you egest out of your mouth, in complete opposition to the normal course of alimentary process.

Speak, Jodin! Speak! We hang on your every word.

Yes, Commissar Jodin Morey, Jodin Moonbat Morey is a genius! Who wouldv' thunk it? A genius in our presence... unlike this neo-kulak from Wisconsin who finds fault with Dear Leader and The Agenda™:

Jody and Janeane make a beautiful couple but sometimes we like to swap. Jody and me are still just "like that,"if you know what I mean.

This woman must be silenced. How dare she think that government doesn't cure all and fix all?

People who say that the emperor has no clothes ought to be murdered. In case someone listens.

Well, wait a minute. After the little boy said that, the parade went on as before. Never mind.