The Creature From The ______________  [fill in the blank]

The Creature From Oprah’s Green Room

Bio-political zoologists from the Karl Marx Treatment Center discovered a new alien lifeform originating deep within the Chicago political machine.

Codenamed "Unit Ma-Oba", this shapeshifting organism emits powerful waves of moral superiority, deflects any criticism, and subsists entirely on pre-approved media narratives and mail-in ballots. It is known to communicate through government grants, patronage contracts, and union endorsements, claiming to be "reluctantly considering leadership," which scientists believe is code for "awaiting poll results."

Do not approach unless you're carrying a donation envelope and three forms of ID - preferably someone else’s.

Red Square wrote: ↑

6/21/2025, 12:05 pm

The Creature From Oprah’s Green Room

Bio-political zoologists from the Karl Marx Treatment Center discovered a new alien lifeform originating deep within the Chicago political machine.

Codenamed "Unit Ma-Oba", this shapeshifting organism emits powerful waves of moral superiority, deflects any criticism, and subsists entirely on pre-approved media narratives and mail-in ballots. It is known to communicate through government grants, patronage contracts, and union endorsements, claiming to be "reluctantly considering leadership," which scientists believe is code for "awaiting poll results."

Do not approach unless you're carrying a donation envelope and three forms of ID - preferably someone else’s.

Thank you, Comrade Director, but even your most equal reply has not helped this humble thread poll well. Perhaps I should have done a version with Zohran Mamdani instead.