The Dirty Little Secret Behind the Global Warming Hoax

 

Obviously the thing to do is shoot the person who leaked the emails. Shoot the messenger. Extremism in the pursuit of totalitarianism is no vice, as Barry Goldwater most certainly did not say.

So what if they lied? They lied for a good cause, that is, grabbing the liberties and monies of other people. Now if they'd lied so that people could have freedom, I'd be all over that like stink on shit, but since they are just a higher grade of totalitarian, I say, shoot the messenger.

A round of Putinka vodka and jackboots for all!
 

Comrade Theocritus,

Yes, of course, this must be done, and the sooner the better. Even if the messenger were Dorothy herself, we cannot tolerate this kind of dissension.

Really, we have weathered even bigger scandals than this. Even now, the MSM is cooperating beautifully, in not reporting these e-mails. In fact, they are performing beautifully in minimizing the deficit, and the ever growing unemployment numbers. 60 minutes has reverted back to fluff pieces about seafaring treasure hunters, from having done at least one Bush-bashing piece every Sunday (with the conclusion that whatever the circumstances or facts, it was always the Bushitler's fault).

So much to keep a lid on, so little time (sigh).

We must see it through to the day when all of us will be driving around in little government issued flea egg cars, all refineries and oil companies are nationalized, and the Green Gestapo (I can't wait) makes weekly inspections of our garbage cans. and we are put in jail if we don't channel at least half of our medical dollars to a series of government middlemen before they reach our doctors.

And, really, they ought to ban weekend jaunts, for overworked businessmen. Of course, Congressional Representatives ought to be able to fly back and forth across the country any time they wish, and we should only be so happy to make the sacrifice in order to undo the recent global cooling that is a result from evil kapitalist induced global warming, and flatulence from filthy pigs.
 

Flatulence, did somebody say flatulence? OMG! I know, I know... we have this damn pig on the farm named Al, now Al is not your normal run of the mill pig, no Al is the fattest damn pig you've ever laid your eyes on. In fact Al is so fat that just the other day the Govenor gave him his own zip code.

Good Lenin Al is one fat flatulating pig.
 

Does Al have his own yacht, the Bio-Solar I?

Leninka, what is this thing 60 Minutes that you talk of? I seem to recall there was something similar on some network of the past. CNS? No...that's it! The Communist Broadcasting Service! That's right. They had a psychotic newsreader named Dan..something. Can't quite get to it. What happened to him? Sank without a trace, I think.
 

Every time a child says, “I don’t believe in Global Warming,” there is a cute little polar bear somewhere that falls down dead.

When the first baby pooped for the first time, the gases from the stink broke into a million pieces, and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of man-made Global Warming.

And now the whole Global Warming movement is dying! Comrades, we can bring it back to life if only all the children of the world believed in it. Don’t let it die, kiddies! Quick! If you believe in it, clap your hands!

Or at least do what I’m doing, and wear your Global Warming Awareness Ribbon to show the world how much you care.
 

Comrade Red Rooster,

Please give Al the Pig, a piece of cornbread from me. He may be flatulent, however, I bet you didn't have to call 911 on him like this farmer did on his flatulent pig:

Pig flatulence sparks gas scare

Comrade Pinkie,

You are correct, it began with baby poop, and has evolved to this:


 

LOL, Leninka, only it doesn't seem to have evolved that much. It's still a big load of crap.
 

I haaate it when a good plot is foiled by those gnarly conservatives truth tellers. We need more cow farts to convince these naysayers.
 

Comrades, you must remember that AGW is not about science. It was a nice dodge while the "science" remained in tact, but that bus has now sailed thanks to the boobs at the ECU. But, in spite of that, AGW must and will remain the received wisdom of all correct-thinking people world-wide. AGW was never about science or saving the planet, it was and is about SIN.

Every time an American starts up an SUV, a poor woman in the third world is forced into prostitution. Every time an American eats a steak for dinner, a poor child somewhere is run over by a hungry zebra. Every time an American listens to Rush Limbaugh on a 50,000 watt home theatre system, a poor farmer somewhere loses his life's savings in a 3-card monte game. That these events do not appear to be connected is irrelevant; what is important is that Americans enjoyment of stuff is the main cause of everyone else's suffering and these are all SINS.

AGW is the ultimate expression of the West's sinfulness. Sin must be atoned for; those who deny their sins and fail to atone for them must have atonement imposed upon them by the more enlightened. By the same token, atonement and repudiation of sin raises one to a higher level of enlightenment. So, if Al Gore's lifestyle gives him the carbon footprint of several small towns, those sins are forgiven for he is investing in "green" technology and helping to spread the righteous gospel. He has purchased indulgences for his sins. And if Micheal Moore's enormous fat ass unleashes the same amount of flatuenlent greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, it is of no consequence for he labors endlessly to make movies disparaging sinful capitalism and all it's sinful works. He has purchased indulgences for his sin. But Joe the Plumber, watching football on a big screen TV and driving a used Ford V8 pickup truck - he has no movies to make and people will not come out to hear him speak. He has no millions to invest in windmills and solar panels. How can he purchase indulgences for his sins? He cannot, and he refuses to do the equivalent penance of living in a grass hut and riding a bicycle to work. JTP and the middle class proles like him are the devil's disciples in this morality play; they are unrepentant sinners.
 

The sins of the American people must be spread far and wide, to the furthest primitive nether regions of the world, until every man, woman and child knows that if it does not rain enough, it is the fault of the evil Americans, if it rains too much, it is the fault of the evil Americans, if a crop fails, it is the fault of the evil Americans, if a child dies, it is the fault of the evil Americans, and if 300 Muslim pilgrims get trampled by other Muslim pilgrims on their way to Mecca, it is the fault of the evil Americans.
 

 

Heh. Very clever, Superkommissar.

A man-made crisis indeed.
 

Yes, SuperKommissar Maksim,

Your work is a most excellent example of all that man makes. I believe the religion of the Goracle is actually a man-made old time religion. Remember the good old days when the gods showed their anger with droughts and floods, and in order to appease them, sacrifices had to be made? Only now, it is the evil Kapitalist Americans who must do the sacrificing.


 

"Every time an American starts up an SUV, a poor woman in the third world is forced into prostitution."

Ah! Yes! And the Reason for the Season! - to put an end the elitist, selfish capitalist pigs and usher in our grand socialist comrades!


 

Oh, don't worry little boy, Santa Gore is here, and he has lots of presents for you.


 

Well, at least he won't be putting COAL in bad children's stockings.

They'll just get mercury light bulbs instead.
 

And every nubile little girl will get free bus passes to ride on the same buses that lurching pedophiles ride.
 

I found a little present forthe sniveling piece of doo doo Mr. Phillip Jones, the head scientist at the CRU unit. So sorry to hear you are stepping down. Here's a little going away present for you.

Somehow, it's as if this song was written 34 years ago just for you, Mr. Jones, you lowdown piece of scientific experiment gone wrong pond scum.