The Hate Crime Which Must Not Be Named

Papa John's founder forced to resign for saying someone else used the 'N-word'

He didn't say it. He said someone else said something, without using "that word." He's fired from the company he started.

"The context? It was during a conference, where Schnatter claimed that Colonel Sanders allegedly called blacks the "N-word."

In other words, Schnatter had to resign not for calling a black person the N-word, not for even using the N-word to describe blacks around white people, but merely saying that someone else used the N-word. As of this writing, there was no context that showed that Schnatter approved of Sanders's alleged use of the word, a word that is commonly used to this day by some black people.

But apparently, it is now a crime for white people to use the N-word to recount that someone else used the N-word."

So lets ponder the hypothetical: I'm in tractor barn 2 hearing a political lecture and sharing a freshly fermented light beverage ration with my comrades. Someone who may or may not have a golden shovel raises the concept of Womyn in positions of authority as superiors. The immediate uproar from the crowd includes the word "bossy." Maybe someone who may or may not be named "May" is offended and files a report.

The next morning, I'm standing at attention in front of Red Square's massive desk, explaining the incident to the Direktor and his Politburo of Kommisars standing behind him, and I say "I remember hearing that Theocritus (a legendary Cubist who has passed away) referred to womyn as "the b-word." I didn't say Bossy; I didn't call womyn "bossy" or even tone it down to "the B-word", I said someone else long dead "used the B-word" when describing members of a group.

Red Square is now obligated to have me clean out the tool room and the distillery, turn in my ration cards and the keys to Tractor Barn #2, gather up my warm clothes and best shovel and report to the train station! Meanwhile, Commissarka Pinkie and Comrade Putout high-five in the Ladies Room and go seek out reparations from the Government and their next victim. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Comrades, check your calendars: Next Tuesday™ is upon us.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Hypothetically speaking, of course.
You were almost denounced.



The wrong word that he used was "Sanders." You know how jumpy comrades have become around that name.

He would have been spared his fate were he to claim he heard Sarah Sanders use the word that cannot be named.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Red Square is now obligated to have me clean out the tool room and the distillery, turn in my ration cards and the keys to Tractor Barn #2, gather up my warm clothes and best shovel and report to the train station!

And I'll take accept your generous donation of the rest of your shovels for the Museum's collection.
 

Red Square

He would have been spared his fate were he to claim he heard Sarah Sanders use the word that cannot be named.

I have it on good, Party-approved™ authority that the next edition of the People's Chicago Manual of Style will mandate recommend that it be known as 'the word formerly known as the n-word'*.

*Subject to change the first time anyone who identifies as person of color finds it offensive
 

What are you talking about?
The only "N-word" I know of is "nonconformist", and the only "B-word" I can think of is "Baba Yaga," and I am perfectly comfortable using either hyphenated word without hyphens to make an accusation and suggest a punisher punishment.
Now, the recent World Cup had many matches and one of them may have been Nigeria vs. Germany. You can guess what that might have looked like—abbreviated— in the chyron at the bottom of the TV screen but it could hardly have been characterized as the "N-word" yet it would have been in the minds of Papa John's board of directors and other useful fools unreconstructed aparatchiks.
Similarly, I believe that Mrs. O'Leary's cow—who allegedly started the Great Chicago Fire of 1871—was named "Bossy" but I'm certain that Mrs. O'Leary did not refer to her cow as the "B-cow" and that name would not have been offensive in 1871 because the coffee clatches cells of female malcontents progressives had not yet devolved unified into fembeciles feminists at that time.
My point is a "P-word" in the perverse minds of those who bathe in cheap patchouli find offense in words because my point is the Truth: there are only 26 letters in the English alphabet, making only 26 possible hyphenated forbidden words, and if any new hyphenated forbidden words are subsequently approved by the Party discovered by Snowflakes aggrieved Comrades, confusion will ensue, which is the whole purpose of Political Correctness, which was created by short-sighted, primitive Bolsheviks who did not realize their cannabis-inspired scheme would eventually backfire when no one would be able to talk with anyone anymore for fear of offending.
Rather than wait, I invite all loyal Party members to quickly determine the remaining hyphenated offensive words so we can get to the full 26 and have done with it.
Anyone who disagrees is a nonconformist who will be thrown into the hut of Baba Yaga and remain there until they shart "S-word" their pants.
 

There is still hope for our disgraced Pizza Empire Owner! Just like Randy Marsh from South Park he must now atone for his whiteness, and apologise by kissing Rev. Jackson's buttocks.

The entire episode is a must see!
 

I have some sage advise for the collective. Instead of this fascination with beet vodka, which almost seems similar to the capitalists quaffing brandy. I suggest the collective get off their indolent asses and get out and weed the turnips, potatoes, peas and carrots etal. The harvest of peas not only gives us vital protein and once the peas are shelled, the shell can be bruised and with correct management with high alcohol tolerant yeast the product can be converted to pea vodka. Or if you prefer carrot vodka or what ever your heart desires.
 

To all concerned: Comrade new guy has no access to any fermentation processes that might or might not be in progress in or near Tractor Barn #2. Beet vodka as you know it and love it, always. There is no pea in my vodka. Not happening.

I don't know what resort collective this guy is assigned to, but he must have influence to have access to so many vegetables.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

To all concerned: Comrade new guy has no access to any fermentation processes that might or might not be in progress in or near Tractor Barn #2. Beet vodka as you know it and love it, always. There is no pea in my vodka. Not happening.

I don't know what resort collective this guy is assigned to, but he must have influence to have access to so many vegetables.

And what's all this noise he's making about 'weeding'? Doesn't he know that's the province of the toiling lumpen proletariat masses? Has he any idea that we have revolutions to plan? The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ will not wait for alcoholic pea yeast!
 

He should have been removed years ago for supporting the Patriarchy. “Papa John”? Seriously?



The University of Louisville is currently deciding on what to do with the 65,000 seat Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium. My suggestion was to demolish it so no brick was left standing and replace it with a 65,000 bed treatment facility for some of those who were offended by his racist slur. However they are considering just purging the name. Here is a temporary solution:




Until you can come up with a more appropriate name:



 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

To all concerned: Comrade new guy has no access to any fermentation processes that might or might not be in progress in or near Tractor Barn #2. Beet vodka as you know it and love it, always. There is no pea in my vodka. Not happening.

I don't know what resort collective this guy is assigned to, but he must have influence to have access to so many vegetables.

Comrade,


Don't you remember our old pea harvest rhyme?


Pea vodka hot, pea vodka cold,
Pea vodka in the tank, nine days old;
Some like it hot, some like it cold,
We like it either way, nine days old.


C <hic> C
 

I have gathered my warmest coat and my collective issued shovel to report for my crime of innovation suggesting pea vodka not be a replacement for beet vodka but an alterative.
I plead guilty!
 

Upon further introspection and writing out my weekly confession of crimes, I have come to realize that as a white male, (thus guilty as charged), the natural progression of this case is that almost anything stated using most any pronoun will be considered racist, misogynistic, and/or homophobic, marginalizing somebody while drawing unwanted attention toward others.

I can't say (nxxxxr). I can't soften it to "the N-word." I can't say "them", "they," those people," "y'all" (or it's plural "all y'all" ) these guys over here, boys, or a whole list of previously acceptable race/nationality specific identifiers…


So there's not much else I can say without adding more time in gulag to my sentence.


Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?


I have beets to tend and tractors to fix.
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?

It's offensive and biased against the antipodes who, through no fault of their own, are having a night. I suggest we start using a more inclusive "Have a nice stretch of time on the dial."

Unless any of those words can also be construed as a microaggression towards those whose time is up.

Ideas?
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?

When my daughter was just a young comrade, we were partaking of a street-vendor's wares in D-Land (in keeping with the spirit of the thread). It was a muskrat piroshki in Kommissar Land, as I recall.

As we were walking away, said vendor enjoined us to "Have a nice day!" to which I replied, under my breath, of course, "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!" This was just standard rocket-guy humor, but my daughter found it so uproarious that she still mentions it to this day.

- SK
 

Red Square

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?

It's offensive and biased against the antipodes who, through no fault of their own, are having a night. I suggest we start using a more inclusive "Have a nice stretch of time on the dial."

Unless any of those words can also be construed as a microaggression towards those whose time is up.

Ideas?
"Stretch" is a term of derision used by haters of the vertically challenged.
 

RedDiaperette

Red Square

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?

It's offensive and biased against the antipodes who, through no fault of their own, are having a night. I suggest we start using a more inclusive "Have a nice stretch of time on the dial."

Unless any of those words can also be construed as a microaggression towards those whose time is up.

Ideas?
"Stretch" is a term of derision used by haters of the vertically challenged.

Also a synonym for lynch.
 

Red Square

Ivan the Stakhanovets

Is "Have a nice day" offensive, or microagressing to anyone?

It's offensive and biased against the antipodes who, through no fault of their own, are having a night. I suggest we start using a more inclusive "Have a nice stretch of time on the dial."

Unless any of those words can also be construed as a microaggression towards those whose time is up.

Ideas?
I posted this on Facebook and Twitter with the #DeepThoughts hashtag

• #DeepThoughts: Saying "Have a nice day" is biased against the antipodes who, through no fault of their own, are having a night. A more inclusive phrase would be "Have a nice stretch of time on the dial." But that may offend those whose time is up. Ideas?

Answers:

• It is merely a wish that at some time in the future, the Commissar of Daylight Enjoyment grant permission to enjoy a day. There is no implicit or explicit indication that the current day is that one that is to be enjoyed, as that would be presumptuous.
• How dare you. Forcing others into your personal property schema via the oppressive notion of "having". You should be ashamed.
• Just grunt. Since all offenses come through language, I say we give it up and just grunt.

 

Red Square

• Just grunt. Since all offenses come through language, I say we give it up and just grunt.

But would not grunting be cultural appropriation of the swine community?