THE HUNT... for Lena Dunham's rapist Republican


The mystery continues, comrades.
We continue to be eluded by the Republican rapist, formerly known as "Barry," who forced himself onto liberal heartthrob Lena Dunham.
All we seem to really know about this individual is he was the "campus resident conservative," wore purple boots, had a voice like Barry White, and, according to comrade Dunham, he had a "mustache that rode the line between ironic Williamsburg fashion and big buck hunter." And, by all deduction, he had bad taste in women.
Although I cannot say for sure who this
~


I, for one, hope they find this perv soon...
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Let me apologize in advance for the length of this response... but this is most urgent!
As you all know, if I am anything it is a problem solver but I do not know anything about smartphone apps... I do not have a smartphone. I am not worthy!
Perhaps this app exists? If not - someone could make some money! Don't forget where you got the idea!
The app would record your question depending on the stage of your relationship:
May I continue to kiss you?
May I continue to fondle your breasts?
May I continue to fondle your Kim Kardashian size ass?
May I continue to 'bone you like I own you?'
You get the idea.
Your partner would respond in the affirmative - if you are lucky - and your smartphone would now be able to recognize his/her voice for future sampling.
Now all you have to do is set the timer for the length of time between inquiries - your smartphone would ask the question and record the response. State and/or federal guidelines would mandate the maximum interval between inquiries. If your partner does not respond within 5 seconds the authorities are notified of your transgression and your GPS location by your very own smartphone! The app would record all responses for future court cases.
For example:
So... problemo solved... and you are welcome!
(By the way... I suppose Ivan would call his app 'THE FAPPER' but I'm not sure that would be an appropriate title for the rest of us. Any thoughts on this?)


But I think the issue is not the issue here.
Just like Barack Obama's female interest in his autobiography turned out to be a "composite girlfriend," Lena Dunham's Republican is merely a "composite rapist" made of various figments of her erotic encounters.




Comrade Putout
.Let me apologize in advance for the length of this response... but this is most urgent!
As you all know, if I am anything it is a problem solver but I do not know anything about smartphone apps... I do not have a smartphone. I am not worthy!
Perhaps this app exists? If not - someone could make some money! Don't forget where you got the idea!
The app would record your question depending on the stage of your relationship:
May I continue to kiss you?
May I continue to fondle your breasts?
May I continue to fondle your Kim Kardashian size ass?
May I continue to 'bone you like I own you?'
You get the idea.
Your partner would respond in the affirmative - if you are lucky - and your smartphone would now be able to recognize his/her voice for future sampling.
Now all you have to do is set the timer for the length of time between inquiries - your smartphone would ask the question and record the response. State and/or federal guidelines would mandate the maximum interval between inquiries. If your partner does not respond within 5 seconds the authorities are notified of your transgression and your GPS location by your very own smartphone! The app would record all responses for future court cases.
So... problemo solved... and you are welcome!
Leave it to Comrade Putout to solve the problem! "Aps for Apes" - I like it! Just look at the confused expression on this Neanderthal's face.



COMPOSITE RAPIST
REPUBLICAN MODEL
VER-4.2.3 (BUILD 5398)
Features:
1 - Shiny purple boots
2 - Magnum mustache
3 - Campus resident conservative
4 - Works at radio station
5 - Crotch grabbing wingsquirrel
.
"This is the rapist I have been looking for!" Lena Dunham


* Note that the word is "but" with only one "t." Please do not make jokes about nether regions. Save jokes for the app that questions about orifices.


RedDiaperette... shy Chairman Meow has something to say concerning what you
But* ... but ... but ...* Note that the word is "but" with only one "t." Please do not make jokes about nether regions. Save jokes for the app that questions about orifices.
.
.


Red Square
LOL ^^^But I think the issue is not the issue here.
On the contrary, comrade. The issue is precisely the issue. To be concise, the male bodily issue is where the issue lies. The issues is of when, how and why the male bodily issue should, or should not, be issued at all and what, if any, are the issuing consequences of said issue. I do hope this cleans the issue up.
Red Square
Just like Barack Obama's female interest in his autobiography turned out to be a "composite girlfriend," Lena Dunham's Republican is merely a "composite rapist" made of various figments of her erotic encounters.Evidence has emerged that could, in the current media climate of disdain for facts, implicate Deer Leader in the unfortunate encounter. Especially considering that so many members of the media are telling us how confused the memories of rape victims tend to be.........



There is no such thing as a “nice” Republican. There is no such thing as a Republican who’s supposedly “just like you and me,” because if there were, guess what, all you borderline geniuses? They’d be forward progressive liberal Democrats!
There is no such thing as a Republican who isn’t a total whackjob. They are all hating haters who want to take all of our rights and entitlements and free stuff away from us and make us starve to death. That’s if they don’t shoot us first, because all Republicans are gun-toting gun nuts.
Comrade Lena wasn’t just raped by one single Republican—she was raped by all of them. All of us are being raped by all of them, all of the time, whether literally or figuratively through their policies that serve only one purpose—to rape all of us as a violent show of their hatred of everyone and everything except their own ill-gotten power!
Don’t condemn just one. Damn them all, dammit!


I have a Progressive friend (who lives in Hawaii) who recently went through a divorce. She, having custody of her two young children, a girl and a boy, both under 12 years old, complained that her son, being subject to the Progressive Hawaiian homeboys abuse, was setting fires in their garage and YouTubing them to friends.
Her major worry about this was that he would turn out to be a Republican! That's right. Not an axe-murderer, serial killer, but a Republican!
She recently sent this son to Southern California to live with her sister, who has a tenured position at a major college. She has a Masters Degree in Women's Studies.
All reports say he is much improved, and not setting those silly fires in SoCal.
She plans to join him in SoCal soon. She says she is, like so OVER Hawaii.
PROGRESS!

I know you're listening. You just don't care. I get it. I'm not sure what to do next.


Comrade Putout
RedDiaperette... shy Chairman Meow has something to say concerning what you
But* ... but ... but ...* Note that the word is "but" with only one "t." Please do not make jokes about nether regions. Save jokes for the app that questions about orifices.
Good news, Comrades! Mrs. Meow saw this and knocked me into the Glorious World of Next Tuesday ™.


A quick shave, and its the perfect crime...