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The Incommunicado Cube of 11-10

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What, exactly, was going on with The Cube last night ?

First, I was trying to post a comment, when my link was suddenly cut off ! Then I get a notice about the site being " down for repairs ", followed by silence.


Was there something going on at Party headquarters that we should be aware of ? Something like, say, an attempted coup of Red Square or any of his leadership ? Or did something hit the fan when he ( RS) finally saw the photographs of said leadership's impromptu office party that commenced after his going to New Orleans? Not pretty.

No news from the Cube was rather eerie, it reminded me of when Khrushchev was ousted by Brezhnev and Kosygin. Yikes ! So, as you can see, I was little concerned.

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ANY RUMORS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT A TAKEOVERING COUP WERE HIGHLY OVER EXAGGERATED AND INCORRECT!!!

PLEASE DISREGARD IMMEDIATELY.

ALL IS WELL. RED SQUARE IS WELL. AND COMRADETTE LENINKA WILL BE FINE.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG!!!



And btw, that was NOT a missile yousaw... thought you saw!!!

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How did you find out I was involved with that ? Who told you ? I want names.

Well, Fraulein, as long as you know, what you did not see arcing up above the Pacific leaving a blazing fire trail was not just a missile ....... it was the result of years of research in which I, Krasnodar, took part. I'm a primary engineer of reaction propulsion systems , also doubling as an intermittent pizza and doughnut go-for guy.

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What no one saw was the first successful test firing of an underwater ICBM, fueled by an ethanol-alchohol based beet vodka derivative. ( It was an EPA request that the Dept. of Defense starts using " Green " fuels in our missiles to make them "environmentally friendly".

Tell no one of this ! Your life would be rendered most unpleasant if you did. And I mean unpleasant by even the collectives standards.

So, I'm glad we've had a chance to chat. You have a nice day !

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Flukes like this happen; capitalist scum hide in the background and mess with our servers. Try as we might, there are too many of them to just merely wipe out at once. They are like cockroaches, you see one, there are at least 100 hiding.

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So then I should just dis-remember that I saw a notice that said that

"the cube is being flipped to the other side. come back in an hour"...

Ok will do.

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CLASSIFIED INFORMATION
BURN YOUR COMPUTER AFTER READING

That "missile" you saw was a retaliation attack launched from the People's Cube underground bunker against the hackers who attacked us yesterday and caused a temporary shutdown of the site. The hackers suffered severe losses after the blast destroyed their aspirin factory.

EVEN MORE CLASSIFIED
ON NEED TO KNOW BASIS ONLY

We should be more careful while having our bunker parties, not to sit on the dashboard or put vodka glasses on the missile launch control panel. We are running out of plausible excuses, comrades. And media cover-ups are getting increasingly costly, especially that Keith Olbermann is no longer a bullet-proof asset of the Party.

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Sorry boss, my bad. That big red, candylike button is so hard to resist.

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Red Square......So you're the one who gave the launch command to my missile.
Your timing was astonishing, as usual .....two full days before the hackers attack on the Cube! Some sort of a pre-emptive retaliation ? Now that's what I call efficiency !

You might be happy to know that, according to Laika's orbital recon info, not only was the hacker's aspirin factory destroyed, but their mime school and a mini-mall were also consumed by the conflagration of the strike.

And C. Whoopie.....keep your grubby little hands off that button. Capiche ?
Ol' Krasnodar here isn't going to work two Saturdays in a row.

Comrades! You destroyed a mime school? Don't you know a mime is a terrible thing to waste?

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Comrades,

We can all rest assured that what we thought we saw was not what we saw. There must be some defective missile detection area or unnamed lobe of the brain which accounts for this mass hysteria.

We need more investigation to

1. account for this mass hysteria
2. Learn the mechanism that triggers it and how to control the response.

This would be effective weapon to use on the Cube's enemies.

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:ANY RUMORS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT A TAKEOVERING COUP WERE HIGHLY OVER EXAGGERATED AND INCORRECT!!!

PLEASE DISREGARD IMMEDIATELY.

ALL IS WELL. RED SQUARE IS WELL. AND COMRADETTE LENINKA WILL BE FINE.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG!!!

And btw, that was NOT a missile yousaw... thought you saw!!!


My dearest Fraulein, while your story could sound plausible, I saw you acting cute when Krasnodar was trying to get a closer look at your crinkly bust. When you were doing the Marlyn Monroe kitten act, your gloriously abundant derriere smashed the RED BUTTON.

Do you remember the RED BUTTON, frauline?


missle launch.png

Yes, THAT RED BUTTON.

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Comrade Tooorisky,
The answer for inciting speculation, fear and then control over the masses was, until recently, quite simple.....The Media. Or better yet, The MSM.
But we were already using that method.

Something has gone amiss
.

Despite the MSM's overtly biased ideological efforts, we still took a beating in the elections. And just wait until the Congressional investigations start ! The media attack dogs are no longer a reliable tool for propoganda.

You are most correct. C.T. Something else is needed.

Dear Leader could start a war to distract the people..... but we've already got two going.
Or instilling mass panic from an epidemic, perhaps ?

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Comrade Krasnodar,

We have already had the trumped up "epidemic dance"! Remember the bird flu?
Everything with that was on schedule until some cretin leaked the information the UN was having sleepovers with the serum manufacturer, but, alas, that whole epidemic fizzled out despite our best efforts!

Finding the controlling mechanism would give us mass control. People going to the airport in bathrobes to facilitate necessary strip searches in the line of duty. Mass Amnesia!

The possibilities are bottomless!

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Comrades! There's been a great confusion caused by the proliferation of red buttons lately. I think the enemies are trying to subvert us by inserting more and more red buttons into our carefully constructed media narrative.

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The capitalist enemy is trying to confuse us with a possibility of choice. There can be no choice! Imagine me saying, "Press the red button or the red button. Choose wisely."

It's just like with that famous scene from "Marxist Revolutions"

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The image above was, for some reason, chosen by Hollywood over this original version:

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Oh the memories... It was a pleasure to work with The One...

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Sorry Red Square and those of the Cube Cohort .........

There is NO BIG RED BUTTON to launch ICBMs.

Two launch controller officers must each turn a key distanced apart at the same time.

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Remember kids, when it comes to global thermonuclear war.......Safety First ! You are allowed drink your vodka only on breaks.

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Vladimir Scratchanitch, sir, how could I possibly have seen the red button when my back was to the red button? I was simply enjoying an entertaining time of entertainment when I was . . . . pushed back-wards toward the ominous button. So, you see, it was not my fault. Besides, Comrade Whoopie already admitted his personal involvement in the button crisis. (these sorts of things are usually his fault)

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Krasnodar wrote:Sorry Red Square and those of the Cube Cohort .........

There is NO BIG RED BUTTON to launch ICBMs.

Two launch controller officers must each turn a key distanced apart at the same time.

Remember kids, when it comes to global thermonuclear war.......Safety First !

Comrade Krasnodar- Are you telling me that the "Big Red Button" at the headquarters of partying Party Headquarters has NEVER been real?

Do you realize that I may now be denounced by the Fraulein?

Even worse, this means that the Inner Party NEVER had control.

Do you realize what this means?

Even the Inner Party didn't know about the REAL secret government?

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Yes, Vladamir......that is exactly what I am saying.
As engineer, I can inform you that pushing that particular red button activates an audio/video feed from hidden cameras at Party Headquarters. That, in turn, is sent by satellite directly to Red Square and myself ( who would rat on transgressors without hesitation) Need I say more ?

And the Fraulein was never pushed back against the control panel....she stumbled backwards because of her...shall we say... " slight inebriation ?" Ask R.S. to show you the video.

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You say that like there is something wrong with it, Comrade Krasnodar. Tasting the fruits of the vine and the fruits of the beet is part of the celebratory to which dearest Nanski was having, just the other day. Surly you do not expect myself to be full of rudness and not indulging in a little tasting??? It is expected, after all.

Although I am wonder how much celebrating our leader did to give out so much top secret, secret information. Now, I must go burn my computer and demand suggest to all do the same!!

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Tsk, tsk, tsk...all these lads who have never been in the REAL Party Central Headquarters Bunker going on and on about which button does what.

Krasnodar, the Party has no need of the decadent Western "failsafe" system requiring cumbersome keys and cooperative control panel personnel. We have but a single button, as no Party member would ever launch a missle inadvertantly, except by accident. We fixed that possibility with a wide strip of transparent tape that has to be peeled up before the button can be pressed. This works perfectly unless someone spills some kind of glue solvent like vodka, causing the tape to release and allowing the button to move. But not to worry: we have placed a large, multilinqual sign above the button console that strictly forbids open containers on or near the button. Nothing could be safer.

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Tsk, tsk, tsk...all these lads who have never been in the REAL Party Central Headquarters Bunker going on and on about which button does what.

Krasnodar, the Party has no need of the decadent Western "failsafe" system requiring cumbersome keys and cooperative control panel personnel. We have but a single button, as no Party member would ever launch a missle inadvertantly, except by accident. We fixed that possibility with a wide strip of transparent tape that has to be peeled up before the button can be pressed. This works perfectly unless someone spills some kind of glue solvent like vodka, causing the tape to release and allowing the button to move. But not to worry: we have placed a large, multilinqual sign above the button console that strictly forbids open containers on or near the button. Nothing could be safer.


So there is no secret government, eh? Well, as long as the Vodka rations stay high, who cares?

Krasnodar still hasn't accounted for his interest in Fraulein Pulloski's crinkly bust that reminds me of the low pressure tires on a drag racer.


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Tape , Comrade Brain in Jar? That is most reassuring.

Fraulein.... please don't " celebrate " near that big, red button !

And nobody, I mean nobody, touch that strip of tape !
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V. Scratchinich : Rest assured it was not I who was near the good Fraulein....how could I be ?I wasnt even there, because I was quite busy sending those videos of that heinous office party to Red Square .Just how much vodka did you have, tovarish ?

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Krasnodar wrote: V. Scratchinich : Rest assured it was not I who was near the good Fraulein....how could I be ?I wasnt even there, because I was quite busy sending those videos of that heinous office party to Red Square .Just how much vodka did you have, tovarish ?
My dear Krasnodar, we all know that Vodka is the lubricant that keeps the commune happy. As I said, as long as there's lots of Vodka, we can tolerate ANY tyranny actions of our superior equals.

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But keep in mind that a commune cannot continue to be happy if it is vaporized !

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Krasnodar wrote:But keep in mind that a commune cannot continue to be happy if it is vaporized !

You are not willing to be vaporized for The Greater GoodTM?

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FOR COMPARING THE FRAULEIN'S GLORIOUS BOSOMS TO A CAPITALIST TIRE OF COMPETITION, I DENOUNCE SCRATCHANITCH!

AND ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME!
Denounce Scratchanitch.jpg

Now allow me to shed The Current Truth™ on said button...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku2wFaa ... re=related

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Comrade Buffoon wrote:FOR COMPARING THE FRAULEIN'S GLORIOUS BOSOMS TO A CAPITALIST TIRE OF COMPETITION, I DENOUNCE SCRATCHANITCH!
Hey! Not so quick on the draw there Buffoon.

Do those low pressure crinkle wall tires go on grandma's old gray Oldsmobile, or do they go on HOT high performance cars?

Huh?

Maybe I was complementing the fair frau. Did you think of that, BUFFOON?

And about the picture of me, yes that's the way I look when I ain't feeling any pain due to liberal application of Vodka.

So what?

And I ain't the one who was inspecting the fair frau's bosom and caused her to mash THE RED BUTTON. Am I??

I might have to counter-denounce you, and toss in an innuendo on top of that.

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Dear Vladimir Scratchanich, who's photo was taken in 2008,


My answer to you is an emphatic NO !
Especially when someone at Party Headquarters couldn't resist messing with Comrade Brain in a Jar's "safety tape" over the red button.

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Krasnodar wrote:Dear Vladimir Scratchanich, who's photo was taken in 2008,


My answer to you is an emphatic NO !
Especially when someone at Party Headquarters couldn't resist messing with Comrade Brain in a Jar's "safety tape" over the red button.
If you are talking about the tape being torn off the lid of the Brain in a Jar-

Hey! I like brains dipped in beer batter and fried along with slimy puffball mushrooms.

I didn't think anybody would notice a slice missing.

Formaldehyde is a tasty pickling solution.

Especially fine with LOTS of Vodka.

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V.S
I believe it would be safe for me to consider your love of vodka as an established fact.

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Naw, hate the nasty stuff now.

Me and my Norwegian buddy used to be quite the boozers.

We were both in Alaska in 1988 when Alaska took the per capita alcohol consumption record away from New Jersey.

One day in 1996 , my buddy's liver just QUIT. He spent a week in the hospital and died.

That's when I figgered out that rock in my gut feeling was NOT my stomach.

So I hadda quit it. It took almost a month of my pickup pulling really hard to the right when I drove past the state medicine store, before the hard steering problem went away.

But I sure know how to talk like an alkie.

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Your avatar is most convincing. That's what I like about Jiffy-Lobo..... same mental results as drinking, but your organs remain healthy.....it's a win-win !

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Krasnodar wrote:Your avatar is most convincing. That's what I like about Jiffy-Lobo..... same mental results as drinking, but your organs remain healthy.....it's a win-win !



The avatar represents the first time I heard the words "President Barack Obama".

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jUST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT A BUNKER?

THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE!

DID WE COME UP WITH A NEW AND IMPROVED PEOPLE'S SWILL....ER...VODKA? OR JUST TESTING SOME NEW DRUG TO CONTROL THE PROLES? (NO WONDER THAT ALL THE KITCHEN PROLES ARE ACTING SUSPICIOUSLY TRANQUIL, TODAY)
.

I'LL STICK TO MY GREY GOOSE, THANK YOU.....(WHY AM i ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS?, AND WHY IS MY PEOPLE'S COMMUNICATOR STUCK ON CAPITAL LETTERS, AS I AM NOT YELLING, YET!)

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O,Oh Che can you see,
by the dawns early light ...........
For Red Square, he has built
our great Cube that's so gleaming........ ( ala The National Anthem )

Che, before I begin, please point that 9 mm somewhere else ! Thank you.
Now, as I was saying,

THERE IS A BUNKER ! There is, There is ,THERE IS !


But this thread has grown unwieldy in length, so I just might have to discuss this matter on a new.............

Hey CHE ! Your pistol ? Would you please just holster that thing ? For cry'n out loud, it's not 1959 any more !

Just have a seat and swig down some of that Grey Goose you're hiding in that paper bag.
( French Vodka.........what's up with that ? )
Cuban Elitist........

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Che Gourmet wrote:jUST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT A BUNKER?

THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE!


Pah! Next you'll be telling us that you're female when it's a well known fact that all great chef's are men.

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That's it....I'm starting a new thread today so we can get this matter cleared up.

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Krasnodar, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Krasnodar, whether they be men's or children's, are little, unless they belong to the Party Elite. Their minds are great and their thoughts are not to be questioned or even discussed. In this great funadamentally transformed nation of Obama man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the wisdom of his better who run the party, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Krasnodar, there is a Bunker. It exists as certainly as entitlements and mandates and bureaucrats exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there was no Bunker. It would be as dreary as if there were no Krasnodars. There would be no childlike faith then, no smugness, no elitism to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which Obama and the Party fill the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Bunker! You might as well not believe in Barney Frank! You might get George Soros to hire SEIU memebers to watch in all the polling places on Election Day to catch Party Members scurrying from the Bunker with stuffed ballot boxes, but even if they did not see Party Members scurrying about like cockroaches, what would that prove? Nobody sees The Real Inner Party, but that is no sign that there is no Real Inner Party or Real Inner Party Bunker. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see Rahm Emmanuel dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that he was not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world, except our dear leader and President.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the Bunker which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith in the Party, fancy lads like Bruno, poetry recited by a drunken Pinkie, love for a toaster, romance with the most perfect lightworking being to ever occuopy the oval office, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Krasnodar, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Bunker! Thank Lenin! It lives, and It lives forever. A thousand years from now, Krasnodar, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, The Bunker will continue to make glad the heart of Progressives in our perpetual childhood.

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Holy Crap !

Does Comrade Ivan "Brain -in-a-Jar" wax eloquent like this often ?

And would someone please check his fluid level.......V. Scratchanitch said he was poking around inside that jar yesterday....

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The existence of this mythical bunker as a place with first strike nuclear capabilities can neither be confirmed nor denied. Suffice it to say that if the Party did have such capabilities they would only exist for peaceful purposes and the Party would only ever launch a surprise attack to defend the Collective from an aggressor.

All hearsay, surmise and conjecture regarding this is strictly forbidden.

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If we had a bunker, mythical or otherwise (gads what a bunch of busybody proles moved in) it would be located next to the People Sundry & Transmission Shoppe which is across and 2 blocks down from the gulag. If it existed, this would be were we have our party's (unless RS is out of town and we can break into use his digs. ssssssh)

aaah. Many a good time has been had and re-had there, have they not, Comrades. But, if this existed, it would ONLY FOR THE MORE EQUAL OF THE EQUALS AND WE KNOW WHO WE ARE.
(this undocumented and unconfirmed secret photo will vanish and disappear in the People's Time. Please disinfect your PC's or burn them less they be CONFISCATED)

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Fraulein......Red Square built a new one with stimulus funds he obtained.
The Obama Administration was most pleased to help him further the cause of socialism.
You can see it on a new blog topic...." The Bunker "

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Comrade Ivan Betinov:

After reading your post, I didn't know whether to give you Beet of the Week or whack you with my shovel for writing the sort of thing I wish I might have written, only not as brilliantly as you.

I'll have you know I sprayed a perfectly good mouthful of fine vodka across my computer screen, and that right there should have sealed your doom.

But then you mentioned my name, and what else could I do?
Image And for your mother:
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But best of all, as part of our new "Beet of the Week Gives Back" Program, a generous donation will be made in your name from your bank account to Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie, also known as The CRAP Foundation. CRAP is made possible by funds from Obama's stimulus--and comrades like you!

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I was supposed to watch the big red button, but it looks like someone may have got to it during my mandatory nap hours between 10 am – 3 pm, as demanded by the local 131. So I guess Red Square is to blame.

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Red Square wrote:Comrades! There's been a great confusion caused by the proliferation of red buttons lately. I think the enemies are trying to subvert us by inserting more and more red buttons into our carefully constructed media narrative.

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The capitalist enemy is trying to confuse us with a possibility of choice. There can be no choice! Imagine me saying, "Press the red button or the red button. Choose wisely."




I hear you comrade. Just the other day someone tried to throw me off with this button.
Image my surprise when it moved.....


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Comrade Whoopie wrote:
Che Gourmet wrote:jUST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT A BUNKER?

THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE!


Pah! Next you'll be telling us that you're female when it's a well known fact that all great chef's are men.

Ok WHOOPIE NOW I'M YELLING! AND WHERE THE HELL DID MY PISTOL GO again? Why, I'll get Red Star to take a ride over to your dacha, you,... you little snot! He and his goons will pound some sense into your battered commie brain........hick...(slams his fist on the table and spits on the floor in disgust...)

ANYWAY, what was I saying?? Oh yeah, I DENOUNCE YOU WHOOPIE!

Everyone, knows that the French Socialist Society is progressing toward the World of Next Tuesday quite nicely, and their vodka is just one example! There have been great women chefs, ie: Julia Child, Cat Cora, Sara Moulton....Rachel Ray.....huh???...forget I said that comrade...... burping loudly in Whoopie's face.....oh ..man, I must be drunk ..(passes out until he hears the sweet brassado voice of Krasnodar singing)

AND KRASNODAR..ah, si, my fine comrade...The sweet sounds of our National Anthem....you just calmed my poor overworked nerves.....(sometimes it's so hard to be infamous, CUBAN ELITIST, BAH!)

....oh sweet Koba, my comrade-in-arms, I shed a tear for our glorious Revolution.....the world has gone insane, and the World of Next Tuesday looks farther off than we ever imagined. Why are these friggin' CAPITALISTS so hard to convince? Just because they have the highest (and this is sheer propaganda!) standard of living in the world..... and I bid you all adieu.......(stumbles out the door humming the songs of the Revolution, off key.)

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bunker.jpg
That looks exactly like Chef Che's little cook shack.


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I've seen that shack before....wasn't that experimental mind-control clinic and beauty supplies store ? The Fraulein used to go there quite often.
Why can't I find the lousy delete button ? It's around here somewhere .........
Ok...old school.
" If you are reading this post, you have never read it."

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I've seen that shack before....wasn't that experimental mind-control clinic and beauty supplies store ? The Fraulein used to go there quite often.

And Che....if yougo sleep it off, we'll give you back your pistol.

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After reading your post, I didn't know whether to give you Beet of the Week or whack you with my shovel for writing the sort of thing I wish I might have written, only not as brilliantly as you.
What makes it even better, Pinkie, is that it was composed in the highest traditions of the Cube. I mime-swiped the majority of the text, tweaked it into proper Socialist vocabulary, and claimed it as my very own.


 
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