The Mystery of Barack Obama Continues By Steve Baldwin, Exclusive to Western Center for Journalism

Who Wrote Dreams From My Father

The question of who is Barack Obama has intrigued me since I first laid eyes on him. I don't know who he is, but I know he isn't the person we are seeing 24-7.

Who Wrote Dreams From My Father?

Of course it was ME - OBAMUGABE!

Bill Ayers is a nobody. He could not even kill one bourgeois baby with his pathetic little bombs! He is a rank amateur revolutionary! To Imply that he could conceive a work of literary genius is like implying that Imperialist USA (Pre USSA) could actually put people on the moon.

Inconceivable!

Obamugabe

Gasp! He looks so lovely in that dress.... he makes a better looking womyn than Michelle. Damn, maybe he IS our first womyn president.... I think I'm getting a tingle in my leg... ah, crap, it's just a millipede crawling up there.....

Anyway, to continue: I think there really is NO mystery to his origin. He is the love child of Hillary Clinton and Teddy Kennedy. That's why Teddy didn't report his car in the pond that night; he wasn't there, he was out knockin' combat boots with Hillary. That's why Hillary let him have the nomination; Barry said to her, "Ma, you just gotta let me be president! You never let me have anything when I was a kid!"

Now, let's take "Dreams From My Father".... well, if dad was Ted Kennedy, what dreams would Barry take from him? NATIONALIZED HEALTH CARE, of course! It's so effing simple when you think things out. Mystery solved.

What is Dear Leader looking at? Or who? Is he looking at that dessicated trollopNanski Peloski? No, I think not. Is he looking at Comrade Dead Fish? No, probably not, as Comrade Dead Fish is always by his side. No actually, here is a secret. Dear Leader is looking at me, yes, comrades, me. He loves my beard. I'm his kind of woman. Don't tell others. Comrade Michelle might beat him up.

Poor Dear Leader. He has no idea that I am nothing but a Comrade Lenin lollipop with pigtails.

Why is there no Dear Leader sucker? This is an OUTRAGE! When are the racists who control Big Candy going to get over the fact that His Obamaness won?! He deserves a sucker. An all-day sucker! I DEMAND SUCKERS FOR OBAMA!

What has your brain been soaking in all this time, Betinov? There are too suckers for Obama. They counted over 69 million of them last November 4th.

You can get the ones pictured below, but only if you buy the dolls that go with them.

http://www.kaiscandy.com/obama-mccain-candies


They look sort of like Lenin 'n' Thingies, don't ya think?

The candy company calls itself "Purveyors of Sweet Nothings" which would be very much in keeping with anything Obama. (In fact, I think it may have been one of his alternate campaign slogans.) Ironically, they seem to have gone out of business since the advent of the The One.

Leninka wrote:What is Dear Leader looking at? Or who? Is he looking at that dessicated trollopNanski Peloski? No, I think not. Is he looking at Comrade Dead Fish? No, probably not, as Comrade Dead Fish is always by his side. No actually, here is a secret. Dear Leader is looking at me, yes, comrades, me. He loves my beard. I'm his kind of woman. Don't tell others. Comrade Michelle might beat him up.

Poor Dear Leader. He has no idea that I am nothing but a Comrade Lenin lollipop with pigtails.

Your story is so utterly charming (in a perverse, schizoid kind of way.) I understand that the REAL Vladimir Lenin also tasted like cola while he was alive; now that he is not, I understand he tastes mostly like formaldehyde.... not that I have tasted him, of course, but people who have done so tell me this (and why the f*ck they tell me this, I have no f*cking idea, believe you me!)

Anyway, the Dear Leader LOVES cola, and he also loves Michelle to beat him up. So either way, you've got a winner here!

Comrades,

Back in the Dark Ages while the candidates ran, I recall a panel of mean-spiritied, xenophobic, Bible-thumping, and exploitative Rethuglicans and open-minded, tolerant, diverse, caring, and all white Democrats. One of the latter got up and averred, as if memorized, "We'd be a heart attack away from a Palin Presidency."

Thank 0bama we're equally close, maybe closer (depending on any medical records), to a Biden Presidency!