Clearly General Kalashnikov's brilliant rifle is the People's Rifle. But what do you do when you can't trust the people enough to have a rifle?

Simple. You issue them one of Comrade 7.62's Glorious People's Rifle Model of 2009, or simply the GPR-09.

While those who are knowledgeable may think this is simply an incomplete front end of a Romanian "G" AKM, it is so much more than that.

First off you may notice the missing gas tube and handguard. These will not be needed anymore, nor will the rear sight. You will notice I left the lower handguard intact, and reinforced it with a bit of commonly available speaker wire, thus recycling old materials, and making the collective more self sufficient. I then mounted a bayonet on the rifle. To properly use the weapon, grasp the rear handguard with one hand, and the handle of the bayonet with another. Proceed to stab enemies of the state as ordered.

For the RARE occassions when it will be required to actually FIRE a round through this rifle, it is still possible. Dispensing with needless things like a gas system to cycle the action, or even an action, reciever, magazine, and safety, one still has a functioning gun. As you can see, each GPR-09 is issued with a single 10 round stripper clip of ammo. Should a comrade have need to actually fire a live round through this rifle, he will take one round from the clip, and insert it into the chamber of the rifle. (For the uneducated, the hole on the far end of the barrel, away the pointy thingy and near the speaker wire). The comrade next to him, will then jab the cartridge with the bayonet on his or her GPR-09, hopefully striking and igniting the primer. The round will then go off, and hopefully an enemy will be scared or even hit.

For maximum effectiveness, this should be done in large groups, to better increase the chances of hitting a target.

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Comrade 7.62,

I can see there there will be no need to Magna-Port it nor will it require Pachmyar Grips.....Does it come in a fully automatic version?

Also, lets say S.O.S. Clinton has a detractor that she is sure will soon commit Arkancide (Arkancide: the unfortunate habit of potential witnesses to the Clinton's dirty dealings suddenly deciding to shoot themselves in the head, twice). How does one do it with your People's Weapon??

Indeed it is fully automatic. As long as the prole carrying it can keep stabbing away, they will do so automatically. Because if they don't, loyal State Soldiers will be shooting them with guns that work in a more traditional fashion.

To commit suicide with the People's Rifle, one either falls on the bayonet (very messy) or inserts a cartridge into the breech, and while keeping one's mouth over the muzzle, hits the cartridge with a point object.

What is this!!!!!

In the Little Peoples Repubic of New Jersey you may not have a "Bayonet" or the mounts on your Ebil Assault weapon. Appears the Brain trust in New Jersey are afraid of "Drive by Bayoneting"

Yes yes, this is the same state that the State house rarely goes a week with out one of it's "Elected officials" being hauled out in cuffs, where being in public office requires a criminal arrest record, or an I.Q. of less than 75 or both.

That better be mythical traceable ammunition or you are in real trouble mister.

Cheer up Red Star, the People's Rifle really isn't a gun! No receiver, no action, nothing one would expect on a typical gun. That is why this rifle is safe for all the people, and not meant for their glorious superiors.

Ugh, Jersey? There goes my breakfast :p

Brilliant, Comrade Caliber 1/3 inch!

- It uses proven Peoples' Technology (the Romanian AK barrel)

- It is very low maintenance (a simple dustcloth will do)--Kalashnikov would be ENVIOUS!

- It reflects our collective mentality as you need TWO comrades to fire it!

- It effectively bypasses the California ban on "assault" weapons:

It is not, technically, semiautomatic, nor does it have an attachable box magazine
It does not have a pistol grip that protrudes from under the action of the weapon
It does not have a thumbhole stock
It has no grenade/flare launcher
It has no forward pistol grip
Magazine capacity is not an issue
It is less than 30 inches, but again, it is not semiautomatic

These measures have effectively disarmed the Kalifornian populace, placing them firmly under our control, but allows the masses to take up the fight should the capitalists use armed measures to reclaim the reddest state on the Left Coast.

Has anyone nominated you as Director for the Peoples Arms Bureau? I am only a plebian myself, but I would gladly move for the nomination.

DDR Kamerad, you have identified everything that makes my People's Rifle the brilliant device that it is. I am hoping Obama will give me a monopoly on their manufacture so that I can begin arming the proles.

As far as Director of The People's Arms Bureau, I would happily nominate myself too, and take over in a glorious revolution if needed as well!

I am back to the drawing boards to come up with a People's Pistol (perhaps based on the well known Raven in .25acp) and a people's shotgun.

Rejoice, Comrade 7620nm!

Our Subversive-in-Chief is warming up to pursue the Party Program perfectly, paving the way for an open market for the People's Rifle^tm (patent pending).

Read more here (if you haven't already).

Yes I saw that. Soon all we will be able to own will be the Glorious People's Rifles.

Comrade,

I'm deeply concerned about the carbon footprint that this rifle is going to create. How many carbon emissions were released in producing the materials?

We make them out of surplus rifles from the more advanced socialist states of eastern europe.

Also a similar rifle can be made from surplus M16's. So this is RECYCLING at it's finest comrade.

Sweet! Can you bump fire the semi-auto version?

There is no semi auto version. This is the PEOPLE's rifle, so it is barely functional and exists mainly to put something in the hands of proles so they will quit complaining about losing their guns. After all, half an AK 47 is better than NO AK 47 right?

BUT if you are a trusted party member and can get a WHOLE AK-47, yah they can be bump fired.

So, if we have half a 47, would this model's designation number be AK-23.5?

Nice to see the super warm Wubbie protecting the People's Rifle.

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obmaissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

I honestly don't know why you are giving the proletarians such weaponry. Aren't we as Progressives above violence? Aren't we as Progressives beyond savegry? In fact, aren't we as Progressives above and beyond hatred, except of RethugliKKKans of course, but amonst each other, aren't we to be peaceful and tolerant?

That pointy thing on the end looks dangerous. I don't think we should have people walking around with those...

These will only be in the hands of The People's Militia Army of Liberation. Serial numbered, issued, microchipped, and cross referenced with the soldier's microchip, and carefully monitored by the State. The People's Rifle will be used to enforce the will of The State on The People, and on more primitive nations that have not yet experienced the joys of True Socialism. After any action, the rifles will be rounded up, any common soldier who showed initiative shot, and everyone else sent to re education camps for a year.

Comrade, you left out a few important safety features:

Child safety locks.
Ballistic fingerprinting.
And the smartgun electronic safety system to keep anyone but the owner from firing the weapon (well, in theory, anyway).

Or, you can choose plan B and pour concrete down the barrel, to be chipped out when you need to use the rifle. Additionally, the extra weight added will give the weapon more value as a club.

I'm thinking we may just fill the bore with concrete as you suggest, and stop issuing ammo with them. After all, a club with a bayonet on the end is just as good as a rifle in war, if not better!

If they choose plan B, we should include an instruction manual on how to make convincing "bang" noises to intimidate our foes!

For, as we know, anti-progressives are such a cowardly lot. They can't be more courageous than us progressives, and we get PSH's from mere web-pages!