Once upon a midnight dreary, two equally and simultaneously pregnant women were abandoned by their respective husbands who went in search of the evil Kapitalist ideal, leaving their wives almost penniless. The women, recognizing their equal and simultaneous plight, became fast friends, moved in together to save money, growing their own fruits and vegetables, taking in ironing and "maid service," just to "make the ends justify the means."

Inevitably, they went into equal and simultaneous labor, and had to make their way to the nearest "Health Care Depot." A good 10 miles away! Quickly!

"What are we to do?" they equally and spontaneously cried.

"They took our "clunker" and we have no means of transport!"

Desperate to save the lives of their most equal children, (and themselves), they set forth on foot into the night, following the stars they had come to idolize. The next morning they came upon a "kindly" illegal immigrant, Jose, who, seeing something in it for him, gave each a leg-up onto his donkey, and led them onward towards the "Depot." Even though they could barely sit upright because of the pain, they clung to that donkey for dear life!

About 10 miles in, a torrential rain fell upon the quartet.

A local Indian appeared, extending his fist in solidarity with the travelers!

"Ho!" said Jose, halting his donkey, and quickly proceeded dumping the two equally and simultaneously pregnant women into the hands of the Indians. "Heehaw, Heehaw!" he brayed. His work was done.

He knew a flash flood was coming and wanted to get the hell out! (He was good friends with NOAA in another life.) Jose knew the Indians were "experts" on this flash flood sort of thing. They kept chanting, "Global warming, Global warming!" In their dialect, of course, it sounded awfully like "Awehtu! Awehtu!, as I recall. That was good enough for Jose.

The Indians, in their infinite wisdom, hastily shoved our mothers up into the highest-ground wikiup they could find. And not a moment too soon! By now they were in full-out labor! Within minutes, you were born, Theocritus! An hour later, I, Pamalinsky! The shaman assigned to documenting our births, did so by putting into each of our clutching little fists, a fetish! A genuine shrunken donkey (a valued collectible)! We clung onto each other for dear life! It was our only security!

By now, the rain overtook even the wisest of Indians! How could this be? It was coming! A torrential rainfall like nothing they had ever seen! A flash flood was imminent!

This national disaster forced the Indians to ration their equipment, so they put us into the only basket they had available. It was nice and round and filled with soft corn silk and the American Eagle's down. They fluffed it up, gently laid us into it, covered it with a dream catcher, and sent it down toward the Rio Grande. They knew it would wind up somewhere. Somewhere "safe" (out of their hands).

Within minutes, the flood overtook them and carried us down toward the Rio Grande, where the current carried us toward the Rancho del Rio Grande! It was there, at the Rancho, that we got stuck in the bullrushes, (a local tourist attraction) We clung to each other in the thrill of it all, wondering what would happen next! "Next" happened mighty soon when the Indians, following up on the damage, separated us. They took you first, Theo, because you were a useful male worker. I, Pamalinsky, a useless female (a pre-existing condition), had to GO! They knew they could get some serious wampum for me on the illegal immigrant bribe market.

Meanwhile, in Ukraine…Marina, an actress, and her husband, Alexei, a gifted artist and web engineer, went to see "Gone With The Wind" (by then a classic) and, seeing this, were convinced that they MUST make their way to the United States! Only in the USA could they achieve such a dream of freedom and true expression! They had to get to Hollywood! So they immediately took the money they had saved and boarded a freighter to Galveston! Upon arrival, they were granted sanctuary, but they had to adopt a kid, or be sent back.

Miraculously, the "kindly" illegal immigrant, Jose, was waiting at the dock! He offered them a deal! If you want to get to Hollywood, use this girl, Pamalinsky, who is now working at the local Indian Casino as a "hostess", albeit underage, and adopt her! You're in! No problemo! Trust me! There is a little hitch, though, you have to sign for her brother by proxy, Theocritus. Yeah, the Indians took him a while ago, but they were given duplicate fetishes by the designated shaman before being put into the same basket. That's how they account for discrepancies here. Oh yeah, that'll be $20,000 US! Muchas Gracias! Awehtu!

Marina and Alexei, much relieved, and with me, Pamalinsky in tow, made our way to Hollywood where Mom and Dad made tons of money. They were able to get me a "boob job" when I was only sixteen, locking in my self-esteem with mere saline solution, which is why I am so confident now! I went to California's renowned public schools, where I learned "where it was really at." By that time, I was kickin' it on the Social Media sites with over a million followers on Twitter, my own Facebook and MySpace accounts. I've been rakin' it in in advertising stuff! One day, some random dude in a "comments" section put The Cube up as a possible link that I might like. I clicked on it. And, that's how I found you, Theo. I immediately sensed a kindred spirit! And in The Cube itself!

Comrades, somehow Theo and I just "connected". It was so easy and sweet. I was just "drawn" to him, in particular, the "drawing" of his Avatar. I thought he was gorgeous! What could this mean?" (I Googled this drawing and found that this is the famous post-mortem portrait of Vlad, the Impaler. Now I understand everything.)

"After Marina and Alexei, our adoptive parents, died, they left me the only thing they had left. Their diary. That's when I learned EVERYTHING Theo! They always wanted us to know what happened to us! They willed me this diary, letting me know what they had to go through to just be here in America. They left us this diary as gratitude for our very existence!"

"They told me about you, Theo, how you were left with the Indians, and how I was sold to Jose, just so they wouldn't be subject to INS thuggery!"

"Truth is, my dearest Theo, (take a seat) we were twins separated at birth alright, but not the kind most people would think. Actually, we are HETEROGENEOUS and ASTROLOGICAL twins! That's just the truth of it. I understand your shock…you never knew. How could you? I, Pamalinsky, am here to bring you home!" (If ya wanna come. I know how that word, HETERO, grates on your nerves.)

I, with all transparency, want to let you, my most nosy Comrades, especially Leninka and Pinkie, who have posted inquiries about this know, and you Theo, especially, since you are my well-known and most infamous mentor, that I take great offense when any prog, made or unmade, refers to me as a "virgin" prog. We both know the "truth", don't we Theo? From now on Comrades, please refer to me as "newly minted", i.e. good as gold! Nowadays Comrades, as you well know, "Virgin", or "Freedom's," just another word for "Effed".

I now have a BS degree in Thread Jacking, Theo, and hope to get my MBSTJ soon. My thesis is entitled: "Major Internet Hijacking How-To's for Dummies" on the Internet. It's very hot. Already, I have major publishers sniffing at my heels! Trying to find a place to piss! I don't need them though. My Social Media thing is working wonders for me.

Ha! Theo, I think I have conquered the WORLD! I know you'll be proud of me. As I am of you. (Was that really Vlad?)

My dear Pammy, that was revealing, heartwarming post, even if it was long winded and made precious little sense. In other words you have a glorious career awaiting you in politics! Why after reading your post I was inspired to fill a coffee mug with rum vodka and consume it just so I would have the will power to read your novella fascinating post. I must congratulate you for one of the most absurd and pathetic fascinating posts I have seen here in ages. And as Commissar of Time(TM) I do see all ages. You my dear are unique.

Thank you dear Colonel 7.62,

You got it, Sir, absurdity and silliness all! Most gratifying to me!

And, you're right! I do tend to be a bit wordy as yet, but am working on that. I could've edited this several more times, but by then it would be out-of-date. One of my favorite concepts is "reducing things to lowest terms". Powerful. Don't think I did that in this case, but there is always the next time. (Just ask Chicago Cubs fans.) I was trying to tell a virtual "saga" in a few paragraphs. I knew that, did my best. Come to think of it, it most likely is never too late to wait. But, it felt good enough for me to post, so I posted it anyway.

If it weren't for The Cube, I never would have written this in the first place. Even though my post is imperfect, I am actually quite proud of it. This post makes me smile, knowing that by posting this I can now see where I need to go next. You, dear Colonel 7.62 are part of this insight.

Is The Cube great or what!

I am happy tonight!

Dear Comrade Pamalinsky ~ Glorious (or it became glorious after I finally found the freak'n vodka. Col. 7.62 was being virginly 'kind' in calling you "long winded". That was a hurricane, deary. I think we know all feel a little "effed")!
I often wondered (not really, but hey, you drug all this up) about your relationship with dear Comrade Theo... should we call him Vlad now? What a gloriously progressive load of crapola story. I do believe Jose is now residing in the People's Gulag Southern Camp in Cuba. I swear I saw of picture of him enjoying coffee in a rant blog, just the other day!
It is good to have you back, most close Comrade . . . you were missed last week. Someone mentioned gulag, transgendered or execution, I forget, but we didn't believe it! So, stay strong, stay around, and stay "virgined"!

Your humble Comrade & Gulag Gal !

(no one has commented on my lovely new red background, which accents from stellar profile, but I'm sure it's just a small oversight so I won't be highly annoyed)


Yes, I found the picture of Jose! Is this not dear comrade?

Pamalinsky, such long story and I am only simple first wife of #2 to the Great Osama been laydin and too much story is sounding like classic camel shit Arab tale-telling and now I have headaching irritable bowel movement symtoms dry heaves still kwestions. All we do really want of knowing is have you and Theocritus 'connected' in KKKoranic sense of word??? It is much known how much you visit Ranchero.

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Pamalinsky, such long story and I am only simple first wife of #2 to the Great Osama been laydin and too much story is sounding like classic camel shit Arab tale-telling and now I have headaching irritable bowel movement symtoms dry heaves still kwestions. All we do really want of knowing is have you and Theocritus 'connected' in KKKoranic sense of word??? It is much known how much you visit Ranchero.

Connected? Is that double speak hyperbolic speak secret speak for "doing the nasty"? Yes, yes, we were wondering that!!

Dear comrade Czarweary ~ as for your personal plight, I recommend laying off the beets for a week. They do tend to bind and make irritable (although it is hard to tell since one can always be "irritable" in one fashion or another in the most lovely People's provided gulag). Heaving is not recommended. On occasion, things have been 'loosed' which one didn't want loosed.

Bravo Pammie, unlike my comrades who had to run for the vodka, I found myself repeatedly putting my overflowing shot glass down as I was overcome with disbelief at what I was reading. It wasn't until the very end that I was finally able to finish my drink and then have another and another in quick succession.

Long winded, rambling, confused and derivative it typified the highest standards of literary discourse here at the Cube. If you were a professional writer I'd advise you to quit your day job so you could devote more time to your hobby.

Whoopie, haven't you heard? Nancy Pelosi already has an idea for that--and you DON'T have to be a professional writer--you just have to want to be one!

Healthcare Reform Will Finally Allow Artists to Focus on Being Unemployed Comfortably

You are so gloriously right correct, dear Comrade Pinkie. I can only dream.. no, "HOPE" for the "CHANGE" that is coming, that glorious Red day when I too can wear government issued jammies in my kitchen, piddling around, doing squat, knowing I will have Free healthcare. All for no demands and no request upon on time. At last, the late Mr. P's dream will be realized - doing nothing and getting something for it.

Who knew!

Fraulein, here's a sneak peek of the government-issued jammies:

Mind you, that's just for the proles. For elite Party members like moi, it's warm and cozy "Ojamas"--the closest you can get to snuggling with Obama without being Michelle Chris Matthews:

Thank you with most glorious kindness, Comradess Pinkie! I do love the strips... they remind of harsher days in the gulag, but at least we had clothing! (occasionally). I hate to remind, that pictures comrades are no longer with us.
But do NOT think of Soylent Green. That is forbidden. *burp

Yes Pinkie dearest, I did hear of this gov. grant for artists like us. I can't wait. I'm certain that every Inner Party member here at the Cube is on Obama's special list, the one with the black border.

Those prole jammies look comfy and stripes are so slimming (not that a starving prole needs to look any thinner). To paraphrase Clint Eastwood from one of his cowboy movies "Those underfed prisoners must be on the straight and narrow, because they look narrowly straight."

(no one has commented on my lovely new red background, which accents from stellar profile, but I'm sure it's just a small oversight so I won't be highly annoyed)

Yes, I found the picture of Jose! Is this not dear comrade?
[/quote]

Awe, jeeeeesh! Fraulein. Of course I noticed your new red background! I was too caught up in my own PR New Post crap to comment. Very thoughtless of me. I love the new background... brings out the rosacea in your cheeks, giving you that red "glow" we all envy. It does, howsomever, distract from your most unusual and lovely coiffure. It is most noticed when silhouetted as you had it before. Up to you, dear Fraulein, they both work for me!

So you found a picture of Jose. Excellent work. I never want to see him again!

Thank you for your support of my "saga".

Even though Pinkie and Leninka were mentioned in it, they ignore it.

Maybe I should have broken the story up with photos. I dunno. Or, at least separated, by title the two chapters.

And, surprisingly, Theo hasn't responded at all. (Sigh)

I don't know what to make of this.

Comrade Whoopie wrote: Bravo Pammie, unlike my comrades who had to run for the vodka, I found myself repeatedly putting my overflowing shot glass down as I was overcome with disbelief at what I was reading. It wasn't until the very end that I was finally able to finish my drink and then have another and another in quick succession.

Long winded, rambling, confused and derivative it typified the highest standards of literary discourse here at the Cube. If you were a professional writer I'd advise you to quit your day job so you could devote more time to your hobby.

I, Pamalinsky am so glad you found relief, dear Whoopie. Your review of my post tells me that I did the deed! And I am most grateful! I didn't get it all "right" but I did get alot of it "right." Right?

That's good enough for me right now!

Love,
Pammie

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Pamalinsky, such long story and I am only simple first wife of #2 to the Great Osama been laydin and too much story is sounding like classic camel shit Arab tale-telling and now I have headaching irritable bowel movement symtoms dry heaves still kwestions. All we do really want of knowing is have you and Theocritus 'connected' in KKKoranic sense of word??? It is much known how much you visit Ranchero.

I, Pamalinsky have never seen you before. Who are you? You show up suddenly, like a vulture, wanting to know the most prurient, if possible, aspects of my post. Are you an agent of the National Enquirer?

I use discretion in all things! Do you know what this word means? Google it!

Regards,
Pamalinsky

My darling Pammy, have you considered surrendering to the Soylent Green factory? All proles wind up there sooner or later, so why delay it? It's for the Greater Good(TM) after all?

Colonel 7.62 wrote:My darling Pammy, have you considered surrendering to the Soylent Green factory? All proles wind up there sooner or later, so why delay it? It's for the Greater Good(TM) after all?

You, Sir, are "toying" with me now. In your most Colonel 7.62 dreams, do you actually think I, Pamalinsky, would actually succumb to this BS? Hmmmmm?

I, Pamalinsky, am fortunate to have two military fathers. One killed one week to the day before I was born. The other, my stepfather, died at the age of 52 from complications of the malaria he acquired during his brave, and well-documented assault on the Pacific Front. Chicago Times.

I, Pamalinsky, am so fortunate to have two, that's right, TWO daddies who served in WW2! It's because of them that I, Pamalinsky am able to take my shade in their shadow. As we all do.

I'm friggin' NUTS about my daddies. I only wish I could ask them questions now. I was so clueless when they were alive. (and not even born when my first daddy was alive)

I know you know this, Colonel 7.62, I will never succumb to no damn Soylent Green crap. Never!

Or any other S.O.S. (shit on a shingle) Otherwise known as creamed chipped beef on toast.

Your most devoted, Pamalinsky

"Think of an economy where people could be an thread jacker or a spammer or a People's Cube writer without worrying about keeping their day job in order to have health insurance."....sigh.

Pammie doesn't like S.O.S.?
How about Meals Refused by Ethiopians?
Did your dads have scrambled eggs on their hats?
What did your dads think about Jody?
What about fruit salad? Does Pammie like fruit salad?
Is Major Major in or out today?

I know...so many confusing questions, so little time.

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Pamalinsky, such long story and I am only simple first wife of #2 to the Great Osama been laydin and too much story is sounding like classic camel shit Arab tale-telling and now I have headaching irritable bowel movement symtoms dry heaves still kwestions. All we do really want of knowing is have you and Theocritus 'connected' in KKKoranic sense of word??? It is much known how much you visit Ranchero.

Yes, of course, I was most inspired by my dearest "sister", Sheherezade! Whom you, Mrs Al Czarweary, recognized immediately. Please don't tell anyone! (Are you my sister?)

Laika the Space Dog wrote:"Think of an economy where people could be an thread jacker or a spammer or a People's Cube writer without worrying about keeping their day job in order to have health insurance."....sigh.

Pammie doesn't like S.O.S.?
How about Meals Refused by Ethiopians?
Did your dads have scrambled eggs on their hats?
What did your dads think about Jody?
What about fruit salad? Does Pammie like fruit salad?
Is Major Major in or out today?

I know...so many confusing questions, so little time.

---

I'm good with the other stuff, but I don't understand this!
"What did your dads think about Jody?"

My question is, who the hell is Jody? Jodie Foster? Can't think of any other Jodies.
Is this a random questionnaire, or what? Or any other question you'd like to ask me?
I know you are parodying yourself by asking these questions...I almost forgot that...sorry.

Hello, Theo,
The Oddyssey and the Idiocy of Theocritus and Pamalinsky. My first "extravaganza". Very silly, nonsense stuff, to be sure, (the best I can do at this stage of my evolution) is a tribute to you, Sir, after your writing about my most infamous Breakdown. My intention was to show you my appreciation for this by writing this "saga". I remain your most devoted comrade.

You don't know who Jody is?
How about Mary Jane Rottencrotch?

Oh, yeah, eh, eh, MJR, otherwise known as Jody. How silly of me. Makes perfect sense!
Ewe! How gross! You're talkin' 'bout my Daddies here, Laika!

We're talkin' WW2, not Vietnam! Newly minted prog I may be, I will not allow any BS regarding my Daddies. They remain IMMUNE from ANY parody! ANY!

Now that I've shot my wad, would you kindly take a look at my most recent post on this thread. For the greater good of The Cube, of course! Thanks!

Hi, Comrades!

Leninka? (Red's out of town) Pinkie? Laika? Anyone? Anyone?
With the new upgrade I, Pamalinsky, find that it is unclear exactly how to resurrect my Avatar. I looked everywhere! And the html is botched on my "magnum opus" Oddyssey and Idiocy of Theocritus and Pamalinsky. It looks terrible! Perhaps other posts of mine do as well. I will be happy to do anything to remedy this. Just don't know what to do. HELP!

---

Actually, I just went in to see if I could edit Oddyssey and Idiocy, and the Subchapter 2 was properly centered once I resubmitted it without doing anything. However, my Avatar remains illusive! I did submit it earlier, before the upgrade. But it is missing now. And I don't see a way to reload it unless I just submit it each time I post. I did this before and overloaded the Cube with tons of Pamalinsky avatars. Don't want to do this again. HELP!!! For the sake of the look of The Cube, (and my posts) HELP!

I see below the option to Upload files. I don't think this includes my Avatar. HELP!

<Also, while you're at it, can you tell me how to post a link in a new post that refers to a previous one. I don't seem to know how to isolate the link to a particular post. I'll get more traffic this way! Theo told me so. (This is the least important of my requests.)>

Pammie, we're all a bit confused by all this newness. I suggest going to your member profile and see if the avatar is still there. If not, reinstall it from the file you got it from on your personal computer thingy.

There doesn't seem to be a way to install it in my Profile, like before. There is just that tria[attachment=1]ngle in that place. I inserted my avatar as per below (in edit) but the avatar name shows up as well. Hmmm.

Come to think of it, Whoopie, that triangle, which says "Online and Watching You", might be a "tag" the administrator uses for this very reason. Hmmm. We'll see!

---

04/15/2010 Hi, Whoopie! UPDATE!!! It's glorious Tax Day! And I've been messin' around and found that I could submit my avatar without the name of the file showing, as it did before! It is a Gimp revise! (I was "forced" to use it, because I no longer have Photoshop™ at my disposal) This is progress! I have no clue exactly why this happened but, nonetheless, it IS progress! As far as I can see, everything is done in "edit" mode. That's when you can see your real choices. I still haven't payed a visit to my profile to see if I can get rid of the "all-seeing-eye." Namely the eye on the upper right of my posts! Still the words. "User Avatar" are present. Something tells me the "administrator" doesn't like this, and only he can fix it! I'll leave it to him! Otherwise, with all my "good intentions," I could, singlehandedly, screw up the entire Cube!

Happy Tax Day, Whoopie! You da mensch!

While posting this so many things happened, including the jpg. I sent being "no longer available". WHATTTTT! It was available, just seconds before! I'm backing off. For a long while.

I fixed it Whoopie! Yeah! I fixed it! I went to my Profile, and found, to the left (of course) of my Profile, the option to modify alot of things, including avatars! DIDITDIDITDIDIT! It worked!

I told Leninka that I think Red Square does this stuff on purpose, in order to supply Theocritus with new Jifi-Lobo business. When learning new things, we ALL acquire new brain synapses. Right? It could be possible that they have an "arrangement."

Those vertical-striped jammies up there? Hmmm. Holocaust chic. Not sure I like it. Not a fan of vertical stripes in fashion. Yeah, just not. It's just too....like....you know....vertical.

Poor Pamalinsky. You are needing of someone to make the more comments on your oopsus. And you and myself no relation - Gulag genie-ologist say no. But I know you want to be of relationship because you are wanting to be as good looking as me but you must suffer with you unbearable cute image.

So just to make you not feel bad for not ever being as bootiful as me I make for a pretty jammy to sleep under. It made from 100% beet fiber so nice and toasty when cold and cool as mud when too hot. And it designed with glorious Dear Leader emblems.

Mrs Al Czarweary - You are too kind. Thank you for the lovely burqa. And yes, I do miss the free exchange with my comrades which occurred during The Cube™ Transformation™. I admit that I tell stories using Sheherezade as my role model. Please don't hate me because I'm cute! I'm just trying to stay alive!

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Thank you with most glorious kindness, Comradess Pinkie! I do love the strips... they remind of harsher days in the gulag, but at least we had clothing! (occasionally). I hate to remind, that pictures comrades are no longer with us.
But do NOT think of Soylent Green. That is forbidden. *burp

Hi, Fraulein!
I just wanted to step in and say "hello" wherever I could put my "oar" in, so you don't think I have forgotten you. I haven't! The Transformation™ of The Cube™ has caused some disruption in my communication with my comrades. I have noticed your rise into the "Party Elite" You deserve it! You just keep on keepin' on! I admire that!
Love, Pammie

Hey, Comrades!

You know how every post is referred to previous, historic ones that are related to the one being posted at the bottom of every post?

I know, as an evolving writer, maybe like you, that I wish I had said something differently after posting. I suppose this is the bugaboo of all writers. Sound familiar?

However, this time I would like to say how proud I am of this post. It took a great deal of energy and heart to write it.

After so many years of hating what I wrote, I love this post.

Hope this helps future Cube writers!