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The People’s Kangaroo Court For Revolutionary Justice

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In this glorious new era of Hope and Change, do you feel somewhat overwhelmed by the numbers of Thought Criminals you're rounding up? Are you so busy doing work for the Party that you don't seem to have time to put on show trials for the non-persons before liquidating them? If so, then you need THE PEOPLE"S KANGAROO COURT FOR REVOLUTIONARY JUSTICE.

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We conduct our show trials in a matter of SECONDS! The non-person is escorted in and forced to sit on a special bench before the judge and jury. Before he even gets a chance to open his mouth to spew kkkapitalist lies, the jury unanimously declares him guilty, and the judge sentences him to be Purged. The jury also doubles as the firing squad, and they get up and shoot him on the spot. The judge then activates a trapdoor beneath the bench the non-person is on, and the body is disposed of.

But wait, that's not all! The non-person's body falls to a deep underground furnace, where it generates electricity, pollution free! This renders the Court entirely energy independent, so the show trials can go on even when the People's Electricity goes out.

We conduct show trials at a rate of 1,000 Thought Criminals per hour, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Normally this service would cost 100,000,000,000 Capitalist Exploitation Units, but all the Comrades on the Cube get the extra-special discount price of 100 billion!

Hurry up and give us a call at 1-800-YOU'RE GONNA DIE THOUGHT CRIMINAL and get this wonderful service today!

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How will "guest stars" be chosen? After all, there are only so many CEOs in the country. I have a suggestion: run a commercial on the Rush Limbaugh show telling the listeners to come down to the studio and claim a free big-screen TV (capitalist exploiters just love big screen TVs!) Then, when they get there, have a van waiting to take them to TPKC! This plan will kill two birds with one stone: it will help rid the world of imperialist reactionary Limbaugh listeners and thus lower his ratings (without the Fairness Doctrine) and will also ensure that quality educational progressive television will continue to be seen by the masses! It's win-win!

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Comrades,

Is this Australian progress? Fie on you doubting Thomases who say we have no reason to look to international law.

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You do realize burning up a person releases dangerous CO2 into the air.
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Hydrocarbon (HxCx) + O2 --> CO2 + H2O. Combustion reaction for those who forgot, or don't know.

(on)
What I want to know is why is it "Kangaroo" court? If it were me, it would be shrew court. Why shrew court? Those little guys are just fast, we're talking a fast metabolism so they need to find food fast.

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Commissar_Elliott wrote:You do realize burning up a person releases dangerous CO2 into the air.
(off)
Hydrocarbon (HxCx) + O2 --> CO2 + H2O. Combustion reaction for those who forgot, or don't know.

(on)
What I want to know is why is it "Kangaroo" court? If it were me, it would be shrew court. Why shrew court? Those little guys are just fast, we're talking a fast metabolism so they need to find food fast.

First off, we're only burning non-persons. Second, these carbon dioxide emissions are more than offset by the amount that the non-persons would have released had they been allowed to continue driving their cars, cooking, and breathing.

It's called a "Kangaroo Court" because that means a sham legal proceeding, more commonly known in the Party as a "show trial".

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Comrades, I've seen a report that China has stopped the barbaric practice of shooting the condemned and then charging the relatives for the bullet. Something to do with the recent ammo shortage at Walmart.

Anyway, they're experimenting with execution vans. The prisoner is sedated and loaded into one of the unmarked vans. Inside a doctor administers a lethal dose of drugs and as soon as the spirit departs to that worker's paradise in the sky, they immediately begin the process of organ removal and recycling.

By the time they get to the disposal pit all that's left is the cleanup. A quick hose down and it's ready for the next passenger. Very progressive, no?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrades, I've seen a report that China has stopped the barbaric practice of shooting the condemned and then charging the relatives for the bullet. Something to do with the recent ammo shortage at Walmart.

Anyway, they're experimenting with execution vans. The prisoner is sedated and loaded into one of the unmarked vans. Inside a doctor administers a lethal dose of drugs and as soon as the spirit departs to that worker's paradise in the sky, they immediately begin the process of organ removal and recycling.

By the time they get to the disposal pit all that's left is the cleanup. A quick hose down and it's ready for the next passenger. Very progressive, no?
This is the kind of Progressive progress I can get into the Inner Circle! Bravo Comrade Whoopie! Sure it's not as showy and entertaining as a firing squad (Fire squad Fridays in the gulag, good times folks.) but since we now have a lot more thoughtcriminals, this is effective.

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Commissar_Elliott wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrades, I've seen a report that China has stopped the barbaric practice of shooting the condemned and then charging the relatives for the bullet. Something to do with the recent ammo shortage at Walmart.

Anyway, they're experimenting with execution vans. The prisoner is sedated and loaded into one of the unmarked vans. Inside a doctor administers a lethal dose of drugs and as soon as the spirit departs to that worker's paradise in the sky, they immediately begin the process of organ removal and recycling.

By the time they get to the disposal pit all that's left is the cleanup. A quick hose down and it's ready for the next passenger. Very progressive, no?
This is the kind of Progressive progress I can get into the Inner Circle! Bravo Comrade Whoopie! Sure it's not as showy and entertaining as a firing squad (Fire squad Fridays in the gulag, good times folks.) but since we now have a lot more thoughtcriminals, this is effective.

If you have too many Thought Criminals to handle, you can always send them to The People's Kangaroo Court. We even do the show trials for you. As I said earlier, we can Purge 1000 per hour, and the building is completely energy independent. We even use some of that energy to manufacture bullets, so we never have to stop to obtain more ammo or because the People's Electricity went out. All that in just one building. Our Chinese Comrades might want to look into a similar solution.

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Hmm. . . you know, we could use the chair as an electric generator. Just set the person in a copper chair and fire away! See the electricity will pass through the person and hit the chair, the chair being made of copper will carry the current to the generator, the generator will power the Inner Party's proles' homes.

-Commissar_Elliott
Commissar of PTA (People's Training Aids)


 
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