Comrades!

Glorious news, the People's Navy has made good on the 3 million dollar research grant that was earmarked on page 373, subsection (b) para e. f.g of the Stimulus bill under title, 'More Money To Borrow and Waste.....Bird Research'.

The People's Navy has wisely spent this Other Peoples Money and is proud to report it's findings on that extremely rare maritime bird species, the Ohhh Nooo bird. Ohhh Nooo's inhabit only two small tropical islands located near Tahiti, which was very convenient for the research team. Tahiti provided the hotel home base for the research team as they flew out during the day time to observe the Ohhh Nooo's. The hotel was recommended by Congressman Comrade Charlie Rangle, saving valuable tax dollars that was not wasted or miss-used in anyway.

The following is a short summary of the research group findings:

Female Ohhh Nooo's never fly and devote 100 percent of their time on land tending to their young and nesting sites. Female Ohhh Noo's, have developed a grass and plant diet and when not raising young, will graze to store up fat and protein to sustain them through the incubation period and until the young Ohhh Nooo's are ready to leave the nest and fend for themselves.

Male Ohh Nooo's, on the other hand spend 99% of their time in the air and flying low above the sea, feeding on small surface fish such as sardines and herring that try to make a brief escape from underwater predators by breaking the surface in an attempt to escape. They only land when it comes time for breeding with the females.

This has led to a very unique evolutionary adaptation. Male Ohhh Nooo's testicle sack tubes have become rigid, non-retractable and act as sort of a flight tail rudder to help them continue to glide even when asleep!!!! The testicle sack though is still pliable and sensitive allowing a male Ohhh Nooo to sense the water below him when he feeds and allows him to know when to duck his head on his prey while still remaining airborne, a very unique bird.

This testicle adaption, the People's Navy Research team believes, is also responsible for the unique call that male Ohhh Nooo's also exhibit and was the reason the ancient Tahitians named the species, Ohhh Nooo's.

When it does come time to breed with the female Ohhh Nooo's, the male will circle the nesting grounds for a very long time in very nervous anticipation. When a male finally decides he just has to land to breed he will start a straight landing approach.

As he starts his descent, he will start his call which gets much more frantic, faster and higher pitched as he nears the ground.

Ohhhhh Nooooo, Ohhhhh Nooooo, OHHHHH NOOOOO,

OHHHHH NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course more research and more wads of Obama provided Other Peoples Money are needed in next years budget to continue this vital research and confirm the initial findings.

All Hail Obama!!!!!!!!
Respectfully Yours;

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Comrade, this research sounds like an excellent use of Stimulus funds (as well as a stimulating use of funds for those officials who become, er... excited... at the thought of watching fornicating birds.) Perhaps someone can take away Sheriff Joe's vodka bottle and coax him to come to so we can ask him how many jobs were saved and/or created by this exciting scientific venture.

I will be recommending to the Politburo that a permanent research program be established to find out everything there is to know about these birds for the good of mankind. I am particularly interested in the evolution of their mating call; for example, why is it "OHHHHHH NOOOOO" and not "OHHHHHH BOOOOOY"? It will probably take years of research and trillions of dollars of taxpayer money to find out the answer, but when we do I am sure it will be well worth the cost.

I will be recommending to the Politburo that a permanent research program be established to find out everything there is to know about these birds for the good of mankind. I am particularly interested in the evolution of their mating call; for example, why is it "OHHHHHH NOOOOO" and not "OHHHHHH BOOOOOY"? It will probably take years of research and trillions of dollars of taxpayer money to find out the answer, but when we do I am sure it will be well worth the cost.

Agreed Opiate,

It would be worth the price of the tax-payers family jewels to find the real answer out.

I think the Tea Baggers just found a new mascot.

Obama will be announcing the founding of a NEW SCIENCE inspired by this research:
FORNITHOLOGY - the study of bird sex. It's peer reviewed!