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The People's Revolutionary Stick

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The issue of arming the people for the glorious revolution was bothering me today. We cannot allow the masses to become accustomed to the use or handling of firearms, only the State can be trusted with them. The solution is both elegant and simple.

A stick. Not just any stick, but a good humble shovel handle painted red. Anyone can use a stick. Large masses off peasants attacking with sticks is just as damaging as handing them rifles and hoping they hit something. A stick encourages equality, there is no marksmanship training where some are superior than others. With a stick, you can literally strike a blow for the revolution. After the revolution all peasants can be issued a shovel head to put on their stick, and then report to the collective farms.

If a rifle breaks you have no weapon. If a stick breaks you have one for yourself, and one for your comrade who lacks a stick.

A stick does not require trained people to make. Sticks can be grown, rifles cannot. Sticks do not require special care or training. Sticks will not have to be registered or controlled. (Except large heavy assault sticks, and small concealable hand sticks)

In short, the red People's Revolutionary Stick is a truly equal solution to arming The People's Revolutionary Army of Liberation and Redistribution.

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The breaking of a stick might also accidently arm an Enemy of the People. What if the stick breaks in uneven lengths? Or if one side breaks sharper than the other? The only truly equal weapon is CHOPE!

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Interesting Comrade357

But what if the prole re-paints his stick "black" he would then have an assault stick. And we all know any thing painted black "sticks included" is very dangerous. And if you did this did you consider for one minute you might be un-employing 7 or 8 Comrades at the Brady Campaign to prevent freedom and Gun Ownership Violence. 3 maybe 4 people at the V.P.C.


Obamissar Vodkavich
, makes a valid point. some one could use pieces of broken sticks as weapons.

Comrade357 one other thing you did not consider...What if a Prole sharpened and made a pointy stick!!! This could be a WMD!!!

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"Today we will learn how to protect yourself against an attacker wielding... a basket of raspberries!"

"What if he has a point-ed stick?"

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Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:"Today we will learn how to protect yourself against an attacker wielding... a basket of raspberries!"

"What if he has a point-ed stick?"

Or a Banana.

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Red Star wrote:
Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:"Today we will learn how to protect yourself against an attacker wielding... a basket of raspberries!"

"What if he has a point-ed stick?"

Or a Banana.

First you UNLEASH THE TIGER! Then, eat the banana, thus disarming him.

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Comrade Obamissar Vodkavich, I am proud to call you Comrade, You are aware of the Flying Circus Scripture,

Hail to the Lady of the Lake, the Watery Tart that lobed a scimitar at me.

Perhaps you should come with me and my merry band when we kick doors in at midnight!!

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Comrade Red Star,

Before I gained the esteemed postion of Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products, I worked for the party as the People's Lumberjack. In fact, I slept all night and I worked all day. I would indeed like to join your merry band because I always need fresh workers in my Gulags and at least on a midnight raid I know they'll always be in their PJs already. The Spanish Inquisition has nothing on The People's Black Helicopter!

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Thank you comrades for pointing out the weaker areas of my idea. Truly, we cannot have the all black assault sticks, nor can we allow sharp pointy sticks, or unevenly broken sticks. We keep Comrade Brady and her loyal people employed by tracking down assault sticks,sharp pointy sticks, and ensuring that everyone else has their regulation red stick/shovel handle to be used during the revolution, and afterward to plant cabbage.

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Comrade 357!

Excellent idea!! The new battle cry while practicing for The Revolution with one's "Stick" will obviously have to Change from:


Image This my Rifle and this is my Gun! One is
for shooting the other for fun!


To....
Image This is my Stick and this is my Pri_ _! One is
for whatever the party tells me to do (hit,
dig, or hoe). The other is also for whatever the
party tells me do!

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Comrade357 wrote:Thank you comrades for pointing out the weaker areas of my idea. Truly, we cannot have the all black assault sticks, nor can we allow sharp pointy sticks, or unevenly broken sticks. We keep Comrade Brady and her loyal people employed by tracking down assault sticks,sharp pointy sticks, and ensuring that everyone else has their regulation red stick/shovel handle to be used during the revolution, and afterward to plant cabbage.

No need to apologize Comrade357, good Comrades make suggestions, And I agree all sticks should be red. There are the bad proles who will deface there sticks sharpening them or painting them black to make them "Ebel" Assault sticks. We must be vigilante that the proles do not do these horrible things.

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I see our new Comrades are versed in Python and Gunny....which reminds me of a Winter Solistice Tradition here at the Cube:


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And of course another classic.

What's Christmas without Charlie Brown?


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Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:Comrade Red Star,

Before I gained the esteemed postion of Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products, I worked for the party as the People's Lumberjack. In fact, I slept all night and I worked all day. I would indeed like to join your merry band because I always need fresh workers in my Gulags and at least on a midnight raid I know they'll always be in their PJs already. The Spanish Inquisition has nothing on The People's Black Helicopter!


No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

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Sigh, all I have ever done is run a cheeseshop. the bloody bouzouki is a wonderful instrument.

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Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Wenslydale: The cat's eaten it.

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Proletarian Robot wrote:This is my Stick and this is my Pri_ _! One is
for whatever the party tells me to do (hit,
dig, or hoe). The other is also for whatever the
party tells me do!

Comrade Proletarian Robot,

Glorious! My only quibble is that each stick is apparently lacking a serial number.

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:I see our new Comrades are versed in Python and Gunny....which reminds me of a Winter Solistice Tradition here at the Cube:

Comrade Laika the Space Dog,

The video's progressive dialog inspires me, as does the green uniform of the person of superior equality. Yet I am puzzled by your use of Winter Solstice, for Global Warming has by consensus ended winter for eternity. Did you not mean Gore Effect Solstice?

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Red stick = Baton Rouge

I think French Revolutionaries already did it in Louisiana.

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Comrade_Tovarich Wrote:
Comrade Proletarian Robot,

Glorious! My only quibble is that each stick is apparently lacking a serial number.

Because the stick and bearer are considered one enity, the serial numbers will be soon placed on the stick as well as the bearer's hand or forehead as instructed in the Book of Revelations:

"And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name." (Revelation 13:16-17)
(This segment may have edited from the new Party Approved: The Guiltless Free-Thinkers Bible, Pfleger Edition, which has just recently been condensed to 5 easy to read pages)

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Tovarich!

What Global Warming?
Didn't you get the memo?
It's now "Climate Change".

Did you finish those TSP reports yet?
Lumbergh has been looking for you.

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Proletarian Robot wrote:Because the stick and bearer are considered one enity, the serial numbers will be soon placed on the stick as well as the bearer's hand or forehead as instructed in the Book of Revelations:

Comrade Proletarian Robot,

An excellent point with a successful national socialist history to back it up. Thank you for your clarification.

However, for those who have already enumerated themselves, will they get new numbers or exemptions?

I seem to recall not so many years ago someone setting up a tattoo business to number visitors (for a fee, as a souvenir) to one former Nazi extermination camp, which occasioned an uproar but I don't recall how it ended. A quick Scroogle.org search didn't give me what I was seeking, however.

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:What Global Warming?
Didn't you get the memo?
It's now "Climate Change".

Comrade Laika the Space Dog,

I did get the memo but the change, which I have confused with Hope and Change, has been so fast I have yet to internalize it fully. Why, just minutes ago I corrected Comrade Whoopie on this very same point.

I blame society, for everything is confusing. On January 20th, when I will no longer need to think for myself, I will be much happier. Of course, that Jifi-Lobo might be having a post-Christmas discount sale that might be the answer to my ticket.

If I visit Jifi-Lobo, will I be allowed an extension on those reports, Comrade?

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]However, for those who have already enumerated themselves, will they get new numbers or exemptions?[/HIGHLIGHT]


Comrade_Tovarich,
Please allow me to further clarify: they will of course be assigned new numbers to correlate with the numbers on their Revolutionary Sticks. They should not have presumed to enumerate themselves without prior consent of the Party.

A real dilemma would be if they should break or lose their stick. Since they are considered one entity and if that entity should become broken or lost then they cease to be useful at that particular level to the party. Perhaps one final solution would be to have the resultant non-entity be taken to a newly established Division of Reclamation. The DOR is responsible for the creation of some very utilitarian house-hold objects such as lamp-shades, soap, seat cushion stuffing and etc that are then redistributed to the masses. These objects will then be used for the further edification of the party members.

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Comrades,

This manifestation of "sticking it to the man" is wondrous. Even more glorious is that stick production will require massive planting of trees, preferably on property in Rethuglican counties and owned by the rich, property that can be liberated through squatters or eminent domain.

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Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:....because I always need fresh workers in my Gulags...

Your gulag Comrade? Do you not know that all Gulags belong to the Party, therefore Gulags belong to The People, For The People. I have checked my records and I fail to find the required form 666EZ as required by the People's Security and Re-education Act. If you are interested in opening up your own franchise, I will require the proper paperwork to be completed in triplicate, using a lead 20 pencil only, and of course the nominal fees will need to be sent directly to my office in order to grant you a temporary license for you to operate a gulag. Of course we will have to review your facility for a period not to exceed 1 year before granting you a permanent license.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Red stick = Baton Rouge

I think French Revolutionaries already did it in Louisiana.

Comrade, are you trying to catch my lecherous eye for some purpose? You surely must know that I hail from Baton Rouge?


 
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