Hi, The People's Anthony Sullivan here to bring you the world's most shovel-ready college/university to ever exist, and ever will!

For years now, colleges, and universities have been known breeding grounds of forced korrekt idealogy. We here take it one step further! We make it BLATANT that we force crushingly encourage our students to think those korrekt thoughts.

Worried you may not be getting a korrekt, State-approved education? Then transfer to us! Here, you not only can think korrektly, you are only able to think korrektly, because you will otherwise be sent to the gulags simply want to!

It's such a chore to think for yourself, so let us think for you! In no time we shall turn you into a mindless drone korrekt thinker enviable by your comrades, with the help of our proprietary mind detergent.

Our critically-acclaimed State-appproved array of classes include:
Mindless obedience to the State 101
How to let Mainstream Media tell me what to think 101
How to spout rhetoric that I have no idea what it means 101
...And SO much more!

We don't skimp on physical education either. Komissarka Pinkie keeps our students in shape. Thanks to her, the students, upon graduation, and entering the beet fields, dig so fast until they pass out. So fast in fact, we ask, who needs automation?

Your satisfaction is guaranteed! in a recent poll of our students, they all unanimously by force declared how much they loved it, and how much they regret it.

Not convinced we are the real deal? then we shall introduce our award-winning faculty:

Red Square
Chancellor, and President
Co-founder
Factoids: Pure genius has been imitated, but never perfected to such greatness. Inventor of the gulag method for disciplining students.

The People's Anthony Sullivan (me)
Co-founder
Vice-Chancellor, and Vice-President
Chair of department, Department of Minority Credential-isms
Chair of department, Department of Neo-kulak-in-need-of-liquidation-ism
Factoids: Proud State-approved salesperson. Uses Chinese Ethnicity to get away with saying things White people cannot say speak for The People (if I feel like it, that is).

Kommisarka Pinkie
Chair of department, Department of Physical Education
Thoughtcriminal Secret Police korrekt thinking disciplinarian
Factoids: Veteran in the sport of shovel-digging, and shovel-whacking. Keeps The People's Cube shovel-ready. Keeps beet fields productive. Assists Genosse Dummkopf with watching the students, with the further assistance of Trashmouth, and Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin.

Genosse Dummkopf
Chair of department, Department of Curriculum Propaganda Student Education
Factoid: Fabricator observer of State-approved current events. Will be watching you in conjunction with Komissarka Pinkie for us, with the further assistance of Trashmouth, and Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin.

Komissar al-Blogunov
Executive curriculum manager
Factoid: Most trusted expert for keeping korrekt thoughts korrekt. Can find, and korrekt the slightest discrepancy.

Comrade Putout
Chair of department, Department of Beautiful Visual Propaganda
Factoid: Known talented propaganda artist. Cube-holding ability disputed with Craptek. Will find a witty serious response to this news of her tenure.

Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin
Co-head of The People's Security
Co-campus observer
Factoid: Co-heads, and co-observes security with trashmouth. Co-observes campus with said person for Genosse Dummkopf, who is in partnership with Komissarka Pinkie.

Trashmouth
Co-head of The People's Security
Co-campus observer
Factoid: Co-heads, and co-observes security with Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin. Co-observes campus with said person for Genosse Dummkopf, who is in partnership with Komissarka Pinkie.

Captain Craptek
Executive Student Food Nutritionist
Book-keeper of the future revolution.
Department chair, Department of State-approved nutrition
Factoids: Known to create incredibly nut-heavy diets for the students (argues that they are good for you, after all). Knows what's best for everyone. This University is proud to flaunt the fact that we have him, making us the first university to have a faculty member that is an animal (I should know, because I myself ever so occasionally does associate with this type of field).

What are you waiting for? Enroll for your State subsidized admission today!

Still not convinced after the experience? Then imprisonment enlightenment in our gulags will finally change your mind! so enroll today!

Oh, my Lenin.

Did Comrade new-guy just assign duties to Commisarka Pinkie, and make her an Assistant to Genosse Dummkopf?

Such potential wasted. He's not going to last long when this hits the fan...

Why go through all this trouble when a simple Jiffy-Lobo will do?

RedDiaperette wrote:Why go through all this trouble when a simple Jiffy-Lube will do?

Brain tissue regenerates, but proper brainwashing education lasts a lifetime.

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:

RedDiaperette wrote:Why go through all this trouble when a simple Jiffy-Lobo will do?

Brain tissue regenerates, but proper brainwashing education lasts a lifetime.

This is true -- so long as we wish it to be "true," of course.

Commisarka Pinkie will "realign his thought processes.". The scars should close over in ten to fourteen days if he survives.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Oh, my Lenin.

Did Comrade new-guy just assign duties to Commisarka Pinkie, and make her an Assistant to Genosse Dummkopf?

Such potential wasted. He's not going to last long when this hits the fan...

Unfortunately, Red Square's executive, and he ordered we agreed her to be assigned duty. (I secretly put him above her to protect him)...

Also you could be our replacement substitute, should the need arise...

RedDiaperette wrote:

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:

RedDiaperette wrote:Why go through all this trouble when a simple Jiffy-Lobo will do?

Brain tissue regenerates, but proper brainwashing education lasts a lifetime.

This is true -- so long as we wish it to be "true," of course.

Indeed. Truer words have not been spoken.