Democrat Representative Wiley Nickel has advanced a bold plan to thwart the evil Orange Bad Man who has somehow wormed his way back into the White House.  He wants to revive the concept of the "shadow government," to create a new version of the Petrograd Soviet that formed in the heady days of revolution in 1917.

He laid out his plan in an address from the House floor and in a Washington Post Op-Ed, calling for a shadow cabinet of trusted Party members to actively oppose the official government of the United States.

He tapped Adam Schiff as a potential shadow Attorney General, as Schiff has an exemplary record for always telling the truth (according to Party dogma) and providing not just adequate, but irrefutable evidence for the various charges he brought against the first Trump dictatorship.  “If Trump attempts to weaponize the justice system against his political opponents with Matt Gaetz at the helm, we can see incoming Senator Adam Schiff as our shadow Attorney General, arguing against replacing our independent prosecutors with Trump loyalists,” he said. 

We can all agree that weaponizing the justice system against Party interests is a very bad thing, and is not at all like using the crusading avengers of the People to harass and intimidate the forces of political evil with lawsuit after lawsuit, with the occasional FBI raid thrown in in the hopes of justified government gunfire.

“It’s democracy’s insurance policy, and it strengthens the government, too. There’s no room for lazy ideas when rivals stand ready to step in,” said Nickel, just as the brave patriots of the Bolshevik Party (our guide and role model in all things) set up the Soviet when things did not break their way in the February Revolution.

“If Trump seeks to eliminate the Department of Education, Congresswoman Jahana Hayes, a former teacher of the year, could step up as shadow Education Secretary to loudly defend public education the United States,” Nickel proclaimed.  The important thing about education is to teach our children the proper attitudes toward social justice.  Without the Department of Education, there would be no Drag Queen Story Hours, no guidance for students seeking fulfillment through surgery or hormone therapy.  Schools under local control might revert to the humdrum subjects of math, science, literature, and history, while allowing parents – people with no qualifications like a bachelor's degree in education – to have input into their children’s education (a ludicrous situation).

“And if Trump pushes to ban abortion nationwide, Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro could step in as shadow Secretary of Health and Human Services to defend women’s right to choose,” observed Nickel.  Indeed, Trump's sinister plan to put abortion in the hands of the individual state legislatures is a clear threat to Our Democracy, and in the name of the people we need a federal statute to keep misguided voters from voting the wrong way on this crucial issue.

Nickel did not confine himself to domestic issues to be addressed by the New Petrograd Soviet.  “If Trump orders Marco Rubio to hand Ukraine and much of eastern Europe to Russian President Vladimir Putin, Congressman Greg Meeks as Shadow Secretary of State [could] be a strong voice in support of maintaining international relationships and protecting democracy at home and abroad.”  An entire Shadow State Department could in fact conclude important alliances with friends of the Party worldwide to resist the sure-to-be-misguided and racist foreign policy of the Trump Junta.

The appointment of Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA) as shadow Defense Secretary could “counter Trump’s threat to use military force against his political opponents and work to ensure that the Department of Defense stays loyal to the Constitution and not some wannabe dictator.”  This has the glorious scent of "Order No.1" issued by the original Petrograd Soviet, directing soldiers to refuse orders from the official government if they contradicted the decrees of the Soviet.

The creation of these sweeping reforms will not be easy. There are sure to be counterrevolutionaries who would resist the authority of the New Petrograd Soviet, which will require a shadow security force to protect the shadow government.  We will need a new Cheka with the authority to arrest and execute anyone Party leadership deems a threat to democracy, which is defined as showing anything less that enthusiastic embrace of Party ideology or any sign of resisting Party dictates. 

With the current Republican control of Congress, funding the Shadow Soviet with domestic money will prove problematic, but we should be able to tap support from the World Economic Forum and the Open Societies Foundations.

True, the creation of a New Petrograd Soviet may have Constitutional issues, but that old and outdated document simply restricts the size and scope of government too much for the Party to effectively rule as the Marxist mandate of historical inevitability assures.  One of the chief goals of the Shadow Soviet must be to eliminate that restrictive document and establish new safeguards for the Party's supremacy.

True also, the creation of the original Petrograd Soviet contributed to a civil war that killed between 10 and 30 million people, but it did assure the triumph of the Party.  Is that too great a price to pay to finally achieve the Glorious World of Next Tuesday?
 

Ivan Betinov wrote: also, the creation of the original Petrograd Soviet contributed to a civil war that killed between 10 and 30 million people, but it did assure the triumph of the Party.  Is that too great a price to pay to finally achieve the Glorious World of Next Tuesday?

Comrade, we will never achieve the GWONT as long as The Party™ is infested by these pretenders who hide behind the mask of patriots to conceal the mask of Marxism that conceals the mask of Globalism that conceals the true faces of the striving class of useful fools who believe they will eat at the same table as the Davos crowd after The Great Reset.

They have unburdened themselves from what has been (class struggle) and abandoned the worker for the woker by championing what can be (trans rights, environmental justice, non-White supremacy and eating bugs—to name just a few). Such were never the goals of Marxism, such are the goals of the wealthy elitist Malthusian oligarchs who wish to kill off most of the world's population and enslave the survivors to serve their every bourgeois whim and desire from monogrammed toilet paper to pre-peeled grapes to private-jet refueling crews to ivory-tower elevation engineers.

The only path forward to the GWONT is to permit the Red Columnists to set things right again so that the disparity between workers and parasites swells like a juicy infected pimple, ripe and ready to burst. Only then can discontent build and give rise to class struggle, and only then can we again slowly gnaw at the tasty edges of Capitalism until it becomes so fat that we can knock it over with a feather and claim victory over the oppressors who signed the paychecks that made it possible for us to have subscriptions to not just Netflix, but Showtime, Paramount+ and HBO in a single bundle.

At least that's what my uncle said just before he choked to death on a mouthful of McDonald's French fries in his one-man clapboard cabin on Montana's Pacific shore.

P.S.

Yes, I know how to do the so-called "Heimlich Maneuver" but I don't trust any medical procedure coming out of Germany.

Besides, the latest episode of "What We Do in the Shadows" was just starting (I wouldn't miss that for the world).