The Progressive Military of Next Tuesday

WASHINGTON, April 7 (Asocialistic Press) - In keeping with his campaign promise to reduce spending on frivolous and unnecessary budgetary expenditures, President Obama has targeted several areas of the American Military budget for drastic reductions.

Among the budget cut casualties are two so called next-generation fighters, the F-22 Raptor and F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, both of which were spearheaded by the failed Bush administration. Hoping to avoid complaints from the racist neo-cons not yet part of the Final Solution™ to the capitalist question, Vice President Joe Biden was tasked with finding a more economical and environmentally friendly alternative. The result is the state of the art American Socialist States Fixed Altitude Carbonless Envirofighter.

The A.S.S.F.A.C.E. promises to bring a new dimension to the Progressive Military of Next Tuesday. This truly Progressive fighter operates entirely without the need for fossil fuels, its shell is made entirely of recycled republican voter registration cards (purchased from ACORN) and the cost of producing each Envirofighter is nearly 25% less than what a failed Bush era F-22 or F-35 would cost the taxpayer.

Administration officials are hopeful that such a radical change away from the failed Bush policies of last Monday will usher in a new Progressive era of next Tuesday and bring with it announcements of unconditional surrender from the few rouge nations that continue to oppose the unilateral disarmament of America.

Comrades,

Let us rejoice that Miss Universe, a Venezuelan, had "a lot of fun" in Guantanamo. You know, like a Holiday in Guantanamo (oh, there's a karaoke hit, for certain!).

Keeping America safe while saving the enviroment, now this is the appropriate approch to the military.

Tovarich,
I can see the refrain right now.

"It's a holiday in Guantanimo!
It's easy and it's for you
Holiday in Guantanimo,
Just get the ACLU."

Didint know that voter registration cards cost so little if it can save 25% a plane. Is it only republikans cards or all?

ACORN is pretty sure they are all republican based on the fact that they all have legitimate street addresses and the names don't match any known cartoon characters.

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Keeping America safe while saving the enviroment, now this is the appropriate approch to the military.

Tovarich,
I can see the refrain right now.

"It's a holiday in Guantanimo!
It's easy and it's for you
Holiday in Guantanimo,
Just get the ACLU."

Comrade Elliott,

That selfless contribution just might make its way into my our stick in the eye of exploiters and Islamophobes everywhere. I'm roughly halfway through the lyrics, but I fear finding a karaoke track for this particular song will be tough. I'll Scroogle it later and find out.

Don't tell anyone but confidentially, I've been selling the military millions of painted cardboard cut-outs of weapons for years now. Only the very best cardboard, of course. I have to maintain our profits you know.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Keeping America safe while saving the enviroment, now this is the appropriate approch to the military.

Tovarich,
I can see the refrain right now.

"It's a holiday in Guantanimo!
It's easy and it's for you
Holiday in Guantanimo,
Just get the ACLU."

Comrade Elliott,

That selfless contribution just might make its way into my our stick in the eye of exploiters and Islamophobes everywhere. I'm roughly halfway through the lyrics, but I fear finding a karaoke track for this particular song will be tough. I'll Scroogle it later and find out.

Like I said, it's only a refrain, but hopefully, you can find a full length version. I can send it to you if you can't find it.

$.$. Halliburton wrote:Don't tell anyone but confidentially, I've been selling the military millions of painted cardboard cut-outs of weapons for years now. Only the very best cardboard, of course. I have to maintain our profits you know.

You do realize by giving our military carboard weapons you are helping our cause for global warming exploitation reduction?
We'll just send a squad to confiscate your profits.