Comrades, Time Magazine's latest cover photo caused more commotion over his missing hair than the article itself:


After last night's mayoral debate in New York, however, I submit that before Election Day, a new cover is warranted:


But after Mamdani stated that he's not running to defund the police, his own quotes from 2020 should haunt him: 
  
"We don't need an investigation to know that the NYPD is racist, anti-queer & a major threat to public safety."
 
"What we need is to #DefundTheNYPD."
 
"But your deal with @NYCMayor uses budget tricks to keep as many cops as possible on the beat."
 
"NO to fake cuts - defund the police. t.co/2RCXU8heg2"

And his belief that the city needed a “socialist city council to defund the police” and called the NYPD “wicked & corrupt.”

Mamdani must also believe that no one remembers what he said in 2020, but the internet is forever and the people never forget. He's a true mouth breather.
 

 Seizing the means of burger production is the final solution for mouth breathers and they’ll gladly pay NEXT TUESDAY for their vote.  Pizza’s, you’re next. Bagels? Forgettaboutit.

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Jackalopelipsky,

What about hummus?  Is Beet Hummus a thing?  Asking for a friend…

Red Salmon

At first glance, one might think that's Joe Biden on the cover of TIME. Maybe that's what they intended. After all, Joe's the true architect of the peace deal. Trump simply stole his idea. You'll notice his name appears nowhere on the cover.

As for the article, I might get around to reading it three years from now when I'm stuck in the doctor's office and desperate for anything to pass the time.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: ↑

10/17/2025, 4:21 pm

As for the article, I might get around to reading it three years from now when I'm stuck in the doctor's office and desperate for anything to pass the time.

Reading the article would be a bigger waste of time. Just light up a cigar and stare at the fish tank like I do.
 

TIME backwards is EMIT, and just as TIME omits truth, an alternative magazine might EMIT truth. For example:


This cover is unironically based on TIME's "Extinct" issue, because real, live, conservative men of actions may as well be extinct in the eyes of leftist  media.