With astonishing prescience Mayor Bloomberg and other experienced profilers described the would-be Times Square bomber, Faisal Shahzad, in minute detail. Yes, he was an Obama hater. Yes, Gadsden flags and other Nazi paraphernalia were found draped all over his home in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Yes, he was a member of the TEA Party movement, and yes he was a bitter clinger to guns and religion. Yet there was a surprising twist in the troubled story of this young Pakistani immigrant which leaves us confronted with the unnerving question of how. How did a kind, compassionate, peaceful, freedom loving, liberal Muslim become a hate filled, vitriolic, conservative evangelical? Speaking reflectively and brokenly after being paroled, Faisal retold his painful story before a sympathetic audience on The View.

“I grew up in Pakistan,” began Faisal. “Every day in my madrassa we would chant, “Long live America” and “Peace be upon Obama” hundreds of times. We saw America as a land of opportunity where people could be free from work, paying bills, finding their own doctors, and other forms of oppression. I came to America with a heart filled with hope and willing to receive change. Change is good, and I wanted change.

“But then,” continued Faisal, a look of dread casting a shadow across his face, “I was invited to a TEA party. You see, in my country, people are always inviting others over for tea. It is considered impolite to refuse, so I went without knowing I was beginning a journey into spiritual darkness. At first I was intimidated by all the violent and angry people. As a Muslim, I was taught to hate violence and to renounce it in the name of the blessed prophet of the religion of peace.

Nevertheless, the TEA Party leaders asked me questions, gave me hate filled literature like the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, and made me think of dangerous ideas like freedom, prosperity, and liberty. A little at a time I began to think that these were good things and that Obama wanted to take them away. When they saw I was becoming angry, they enlisted me in their secret Aryan Militia where Klansmen taught me how to make car bombs, only not very well. They wanted violence and more violence. This is why so many acts of vandalism, hedonism, and murder occur at all the TEA Parties like the one in Washington, DC, when they burned down the Capitol building and sacrificed handicapped kittens to a statue of George W Bush.” Faisal could say no more and had to be led off the stage to a waiting grief counselor.

“The system worked,” asserted a confident Janet Napolitano. “We were on this incident from day one, and we knew right away to rule out Muslims since the Koran nowhere mentions the use of car bombs. We searched our extensive data base of citizens on the TEA Party email lists, returning war veterans, and suspected listeners to talk radio, and while his name never turned up, we got him anyway.”

Defending the decision to parole Mr. Shahzad, Attorney General Eric Holder stated, “He's a victim. In America, if you're not white you're not right. He wanted to fit in but was led astray by the TEA Party, Rush Limbaugh, and Dr. Dobson – the real enemies of America. As soon as he gets the help he needs readjusting to Islam, we'll send him back to Pakistan to rejoin his friends and family there.”

However, this near car bombing had at least one intense and terrifying moment. A passenger on board Emirates 202, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation by the Tea Party, stated, “I was there with my family. When I saw [Shahzad] get on board with that bright yellow “Don't Tread on Me” t-shirt, I was scared, I mean really scared. I just knew he was going to spray us all with anthrax, set off a nuclear device, or start evangelizing. I've never been so worried about my children and I began to fear for their psychological well being. I mean, what if they had been exposed to this guy's racism and religious intolerance? Do you know how damaging that can be to children?”

Mr. Shahzad is expected to return to Pakistan within the week. In the meantime, he plans to accept the president's invitation to a “tea summit” in the Rose Garden. “Let me clear,” said the president, “We mean a real tea party with middle eastern tea. We will then face toward Mecca and pray for increased mutual understanding between our cultures.”

https://dailycaller.com/2010/05/04/libe ... mb-attack/

We must boycott all tea for the common good of humanity. TEA ( The Epitome of Aggression ) has been the cause of capitalist aggression throughout history.

The Chinese Emperors and elites would use this devil liquid to belittle the common man for not knowing how to make a "proper" cup.

The British Imperialists belligerently stole the tea market from the Chinese Bourgeoisie (silly capitalist with their fancy spelling) and forced the Indian Proletariat to sweat in the tea fields for British profit.

Then the filthy First Fathers of the Ameikkka Fascist States dumped lots of vicious tea into Boston Harbour causing millions of poor sea creatures death and torture; before this sharks were passive vegetarians till they drank that horrid brew.

Comrades, history has taught us that we must rid the world of this evil. Think of the sharks!

Comrades. Soon I will be partaking in the worlds ultimate re-education camp, The People's Republic of China. I will spend 15 days in the worlds largest enlightened society. What I need, comrades, are some suggestions on which People's Cube clothing would be best to wear to show my support for the mother of all communist countries. Upon my return.... if I am allowed to, I will bring back all the glorious lessons I will be indoctrinated with.

Komissar Blogunov

I must congratulate you on one of the most equal insights into Islam I have read in a long time.

I must point out that Comrade Shazahd lost his home due to foreclosure. He was not just a victim of the evil tea partiers but also of the Bushitler Housing Finance Meltdown!

This recently foreclosed upon former party official is assembling a car cart bomb for sure.

Respectfully submitted,

Comrade Putout