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The Eclipse Is Racist Because It Fails To Affect Enough Black People, The Atlantic Suggests

The Atlantic's very lengthy essay on the failure of the eclipse to occur where a sufficient number of black people reside is entitled “American Blackout.” It clocks in at a remarkable 4,544 words and does not appear to be satire.

Concerning “the Great American Eclipse,” Brooklyn Law School professor Alice Ristroph writes in the rapidly deteriorating magazine, “there live almost no black people” “along most of its path.”

The Atlantic's longwinded law professor assures readers that “implicit bias of the solar system” is “presumably” not the cause of eclipse's failure to affect enough black people.

“Still, an eclipse chaser is always tempted to believe that the skies are relaying a message.”

We can't even have the first total solar eclipse in 99 years that Pres. Trump doesn't ruin with his WINNNNNNNNNING!!!

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Our progressive media is korrekt in pushing the solar eclipse narrative around the clock.

They quite korrektly understand this as scientific proof that planets do, in fact, rotate in space - which, by extension, disproves every unscientific view held by all the conservatives and all the Republicans who surely believe that the Earth is flat and God somehow moves the Sun and the Moon over the firmament made of some kind of one-way transparent plastic.

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BREAKING: ACLU Files Discrimination Lawsuit Against The Sun

Apparently, the eclipse has been concocted by Trump supporters (i.e., Nazis) to scare away muslims: (with thanks to comrade Winston Churchillsky for the link).

Minitrue wrote:Apparently, the eclipse has been concocted by Trump supporters (i.e., Nazis) to scare away muslims: (with thanks to comrade Winston Churchillsky for the link).

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It's no wonder they don't allow likenesses of Mo... HIM to be displayed.