Across the nation, traditional May Day celebrations have been canceled due to budget cuts.

In Walla Walla, Washington, traditional destruction of windows in solidarity with oppressed glass workers has been suspended, and replaced by a collective bong hit.

In New York, one comrade suggested that traditional activities were in fact too conservative, and that Socialists need to stop following tradition and try something new. This was met by angry poop throwing and a repetitive chant demanding freedom for the alleged Boston Bomber.

What other May Day activities have been curtailed around the globe?

The cold, devastating effects of rethuglikkkan $equestration limited planned celebrations around the capital city forcing Dear Leader into quiet reflection alone in the Peoples Office.

Plans to carry the Haymarket Square Memorial to the front lawn of the house that is white had to be scrapped; the alternative chosen was to commission yet another statue of The One, and the memorial placed under The Plastic Idol, so that pilgrims to the workers' site would see that He stands in solidarity with the oppressed masses.

Comrade Colonel, it is a progressive pity that such protestingcelebratory celebrations should be canceled, but I will refuse denounced, for I did participate.

I.. We at the Peoples Cube were pro... celebrating in as many places as we could get to, as quickly as possible. You..We must take into consideration some sobering up time and transportation (my '56 Chevy is having troubles. My new Volt has failed )

I submit accurate photos for your appreciation -- dear loyal Fraulein is there, waaaay in the back... look, there I am!

Comrade Fraulein, it is good not to let a shortage of other peoples' monies interfere with noble and brave protests that not enough of other peoples' goods liberty money is being taken.

Very true, Anyer Marx. And I, your loyal Frau, am as skilled in smashing and grabbing as our dear leader.