Dateline Washington D.C. - AP (Associated Potatoes)

TSA searches and gropings aren't just for airports anymore - the Department of Homeland Security's popular Transportation Security Administration branch, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Obama Administration, is now reaching more deeply into briefs, panties, and bras across the USSA, in order to keep Americans safe.

Brad "Fingers" Wolicke, a TSA employee since the agency was first created, told us that "We at TSA have an important job to do - much too important to limit to just airport screenings. There are people with clothes on everywhere in America, and it's up to us - the TSA - to make sure that it's Safe out there".

Mr. Wolicke said that the TSA is expanding its operations due to the ever-increasing Threat of Terrorism™ on American highways, in bars, in haberdasheries, and even in (a shock to this reporter) swimming pools in America's hotels.

"Yeah, our fingers are trained to a high level of sensitivity," stated Senior TSA agent Berta "Liftemup" Dykenstrouse. "We can feel things in there that you'd never even suspect could possibly be a bomb or an incendiary device". Berta winked playfully at an AP team member volunteer even as he twitched repeatedly in reaction to her fashionable blue gloves and sensitive, lingering touch.

"The thing is, them terrorists can be in beauty salons, hamburger joints, at gas stations - you name it, and the TSA will soon be there!" said Agent Wolicke as he snapped his glove and clicked his heels together jauntily.

I feel safer already. Don't you?

I sleep better at night knowing my cooch has been thoroughly inspected and declared free of any strange, hard, foreign object placed there by some dark, mysterious bearded man. Something with batteries and wires that's intended to to cause such emotional outcries. Thank Hitchens for the TSA, because no one wants to see that.

It comforts me to know our heroic public servants never stop working for the betterment of the People ™.

S4U,
This image, as well as a few others you have shared with The Cube, have a distinctive
" purgative " quality about them. Who needs fiber when you've got Nancy ?_________________

And of course TSA is " expanding "...... it doesn't suffer from ED.

Indeed, Comrade Krasnodar - Dear Comrade Janet has enough testosterone for an entire governmental agency!

And Comrade Cheneane, the horror of your depiction reminds me yet again how proud we should be of these brave TSA agents, whose fingers tread fearlessly into the soft, dark recesses of human experience. Thank Lenin they're expanding their operations!!

I sleep better on my straw tick on the floor at night, knowing that our Glorious Leader and his Glorious TSA are protecting us from the threat of toothpaste, shampoo and cupcakes! However did we survive traveling from one place to another in the past, when people were free to openly have mouthwash and skin care products in their carry-on luggage?

TSA [Tough Shitsky Americanski] agents realize terrorists are not going to use everybody at the same time. Strip searches will be limited to attractive members of the same or opposite sex, depending on agency supervision, or the lack of it. All items of clothing are to be removed, inspected, and returned to examinee. If not returned, a coupon will be issued toward the purchase of a replacement.

Other Comrade Lenin, we also must not forget the ever-present threat of Old People! Until the death panels are established we can at least have them repeatedly searched by the glorious TSA! Perhaps with enough searching and probing and feeling up the Old People will be sufficiently humiliated that they'll stay home and not be so troubling!

Right you are, Comrade R.O.C.K. Whenever I'm at the airport, my heart swells with pride as I see the asinine shaking down ridiculous harassment pointless theatrics necessary precautions taken by the TSA thugs agents in order to reassure all in the area that they are safe from Old People, young Asian boys, and high school cheerleader types with names like Heather and Tiffany.


Seriously, who would have thought that this would wind up as more of a truism than a joke?

John Lenin wrote:

Seriously, who would have thought that this would wind up as more of a truism than a joke?

If the answer is not Ronald Reagan, I give up!
btw John, where are you these bony dog days?

Comrade Market, I've been doing what any sensible man would do. Hiding from the missus. You've heard her sing, right?

John Lenin wrote:

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Comrade Market, I've been doing what any sensible man would do. Hiding from the missus. You've heard her sing, right?

Quite sensible John, though it must have warmed that imagination of yours when she continued her<your "spiritual quest" of being bigger than Jesus and fighting "the man" earlier this month.Much like your old band mate sirpaulii....


https://news.yahoo.com/queen-elizabeth-ii-meets-yoko-ono-liverpool-170217649.html

She Bows , Wow, and barks... what an "artist and a beauty of a tramp"