Comrades.... I just got back from the airport where I was compelled to stand in line with all the other proles. I even had to carry my own luggage and order my own coffee! Anyway, indignities aside, the worst part came after my free government issued handjob by the TSA. I was sitting in my hotel room, when I discovered the most embarrassing itch. And even worse.... well let's just say something was crawling where something shouldn't be crawling.

As luck would have it, Comrade Lt. Just_a_Car was in the next hotel room over, so I called for him, and asked him to drive us to the nearest ObamaCare clinic. Being the clever People's Investigator(TM) that he is, we quickly discovered a horrifying Current Truth(TM) TSA gloves, like condoms are made of latex. Latex is 99.99% effective at preventing transfer of STD's or stopping pregnancy. So what this means... One in ten thousand comrades who receive courtesy handjobs by the TSA are at risk of an STD or unexpected pregnancy! Imagine boarding an airplane and finding out weeks later you are pregnant by some TSA lackey.

Sadly I hit that magic number, and to make things worse, the health clinic said my disease wasn't important enough to get treated, and I would have to wait for it to get worse. I was forced to PAY OUT OF POCKET for treatment. In the end it was just easier to step into the wormhole and go back in time and avoid getting groped by the TSA. I'm now looking for a shirt that says "I was groped by the TSA and all I got was this lousy STD"

Comrade Colonel, Obviously you were called to a crisis during the last Unit STD awareness lecture. The Latex only protects the TSA WEARER from the gift that keeps on giving. What you picked up was shared from the travellers three, two, or one in front of all of you...

Not unlike the R&R at the "Comfort station" back in Uzbekistan in '04...

Who told you about Uzbekistan in '04? And do you want to have your family paying the 33 cents for the bullet that was used to redistribute your life force?

I was an aspiring young Captain assigned to the 32nd Guards Motorized Rifle Division. One evening I tripped over you happened upon a certain drunk off his ass well-"indoctrinated" Major and his new brunette best friend and true love... (and her uninfected blonde friend!) needing a ride back to garrison.

I could never allow a Field Grade Officer to walk two honeys back to camp when I had transportation... It would not be befitting the Officer Corps.

If you recall That silly Major got in the back seat with the brunette. Blondie (the uninfected one) jumped up front with me. That was the FIRST bullet I dodged!

As far as bullets go, no need. The Ministry of Defence knows who and where I am, My "official" rank and party status, and my connections. Soon all will be known, but for now I must remain who and what I appear to be, suffering certain abusive party members, and the impact of a certain golden shovel...

All will change with the impending approach of Next Tuesday...

Big Sis © has children, who knew???

Complaints, complaints, complaints. We voted for Dear Leader because he said he would spread things around. Isn't he doing just that? Everything MUST be distributed Fairly™. If just a single person on this planet is living in penury, then it's only FAIR™ that EVERYONE be forced to live in penury, except Dear Leader of course. I like that word, "penury." Perhaps we could name our New™ Democratic™ country The People's Republic of Penury?