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Vodkov, Enema of the State, Diluter of The Party's Libation™

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A little lower Huma...Mmmmmm. Whoops!

It's Show Trial Time!


Thanks for checking my schedule Huma. I almost forgot.

Alright! Where's the little squint! Shouldn't he be sitting in the docket?
What's this? (Chairman Meow delivers a note)

"Please excuse Commissar Vodkov from the Show Trial. The Pup ate his evidence and homework and he'll be busy diluting the Global Warming Conference party favor drinks in Bali this week. Signed, Juan Epstein's mom."

Arrrgggghhhh! What the People is going on here?

vodkab.jpg
Commissar Pup and Chairman Meow!

Quick, take this Hsu bundle of freshly laundered cash and get on the next flight to Bali.
Drag Vodkov's sorry ass back here, pronto!

Justice must be served and you've got to stop him from watering down the attendees drinks before they start thinking soberly about Global Warming.

Here, take this extra Hsu bundle and load up The Party's Lear Jet with extra hookers and as many gallons of Everclear you can stash on the jet in case he has been diluting the booze before you get there. Make sure you take public transportation though like Al Gore once you get off the jet, so here's some spare change too for the bus fare. We don't want to appear to be contributing to the MY planet's demise.

Now get moving! There's a Progressive conference that's being threatened with a lack of booze and hookers! That's ten times worse than Global Warming!
Hurry!

POTUSMTE H08

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Did I say Enema? I meant Enemy.
C'mon Huma, it's 8PM. I've sat here for 6 hours in this Star Chamber waiting for the Show Trial to begin and what happens. I get a note and nobody shows up for the show.
Maybe I should let Theocritus play some show tunes and maybe there would be a show trial?
Ethel Merman maybe?
I dunno...Let go have some ice cream.

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Ethel Merman maybe?

There's NO trial like a SHOW trial
There's no trial I know!

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Hillary wrote:Did I say Enema? I meant Enemy.
C'mon Huma, it's 8PM. I've sat here for 6 hours in this Star Chamber waiting for the Show Trial to begin and what happens. I get a note and nobody shows up for the show.
Maybe I should let Theocritus play some show tunes and maybe there would be a show trial?
Ethel Merman maybe?
I dunno...Let go have some ice cream.

My Empress! I have jetted to Bali to this alleged Global Warming Conference party and found there was no such event on the schedule. It is clear that not only is this Vodkov is not only Criminally Insane as my evaluations showed, he is also guilty of forging absentee notes as well. I have been searching all over the People's Cube for any sign of the Chairman, and can find neither Hummel nor laundrid money of him. I can only hope he has a good excuse.


(runs in gasping for breath)Sorry I'm late *pant* *pant* a bus full of CEO's tipped over on the freeway *pant* there were wallets everywhere *pant* I bought us all some People'sLeaf(tm) for the festivities.

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But is there any vodka? Don't tell me this is going to be one of those BYOB events?

In which case, everyone upon arrival must turn their bottles over to me for inspection. I must inspect them to make sure they contain real vodka, and that the labels have been properly aligned and mounted with non-toxic glue.

I will return all bottles after the show. I mean the trial. I mean show trial. Whatever. Just show me your bottles. No, I mean GIVE them to me!

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My Empress! I have jetted to Bali to this alleged Global Warming Conference party and found there was no such event on the schedule.
Really? No conference on Climate Change?
You searched every whore house? Checked every gutter? Every bar? Every flop house?
No Vodkov? Yet here I have a note signed by Epstein's mom, who is beyond reproach. I don't know if I should believe you Pupovich.
If there is a progressive conference, there is definitely booze and hookers, no doubt in my mind. None at all. You didn't get that confused or sidetracked by the NAMBLA conference that was being held across town in Bali, did you? It's hard to distinguish between the two. Maybe you made an honest mistake....or maybe Vodkov was drunk and mistook the NAMBLA conference for the Climate Change one and is there right now!
Where's Meow? Where's my Hsu bundle? If there was no conference, you damn well have best brought it all back.

Huma, frisk the Pup and do the full body cavity search. While you're in there, see if you can pull out Vodkov's evidence.

POTUSMTE H08

"I am strongly in favour of a CO2 tax," he said, adding that he would also like to see global caps on pollutants and a worldwide emissions trading market.

Experts see carbon trading as one of the most effective ways of combatting global warming, by allowing countries that pollute beyond their allowance under the Kyoto Protocol on climate change to buy carbon credits from those countries that have stayed within their target range.


ROFLMAO!!!!! it's so stupid it's funny. The only countries that would stay within their "allowance" are third-world dipcapitalism countries that have next to no economy.

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My Empress! As Head of Eco Prostitution, it is my duty to provide booze and hookers for any conferences regarding Climate Change, and so first I checked out my database for any such entry, and I flew down to Bali at my own expense (which I was able to reimburse my account from wallets contributed to by Comrade Dirk). While I was there, I did check out the National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes (NAMBLA) conference and there was no evidence of their presence. I too know Juan Epstein's mother, and she is indeed a person who is beyond reproach. However, I also know that she always uses stationary with the watermark of the Ritz Carlton. Did you see this watermark?

I can assure you I have no evidence of Vodkov other than the only possible defense he has, my evaluation that indicates he may indeed be insane. Now I can not believe the Chairman would not be here without a damn good peopling excuse. I would also like to add that I invested the Hsu bundle you entrusted to me and have earned a sizable profit on that to return to you your Majesty.

Perhaps we could try this criminal in absentia?

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Really? No conference on Climate Change?


Gore, whose film "An Inconvenient Truth" won him an Oscar earlier this year, agreed: "It is my great hope that the meeting in Bali will result in a strong mandate empowering the world to move forward quickly to a new treaty."

Look, everyone! Progress! Now we're only FOUR verbs away from Saving the Planet!

By Gore, we're getting closer! Or is it warmer?

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Dear Lenin Pinkie! What are you trying to do? But alas, you failed to read more carefully. The trial was to begin today. Now your article was written 10 hours ago when the Algore was in Oslo. He is flying down there later this week! (I am well and truly peopled if Hillary finds out the conference has indeed started, Now I have to fly down there again to see what I can find, Oh, there goes the profit I skimmed from her Hsu bundle!)

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My Empress! I have uncovered some important evidence regarding Criminally Insane Kommisar Vodkov. His story has more holes in it than your garden for wayward plants. This criminal was last seen on 12/9/2007, 3:29 pm so clearly he was not down in Bali! I would also point out that he was last seen in the thread on PeopleSpeak started by Commissarka Pinkie, so perhaps you could ask her about his whereabouts?

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Excuse me, dear Pupovich, but if you backtrack a bit, you'll see that link originated with the Empress, and I would neither deign nor dare to question anything she does, so by questioning me--at least in this regard--you are, in a sense, questioning her. (What are YOU trying to do?)

Yes, my understanding is that judging from the overspill of private Gulfstreams around Bali and its environs, the conference has already started. A Bush of a schedule Gore has. First he must fly from somewhere in the U.S. to Oslo, and from there over halfway around the world (Oslo approx. 10 degrees longitude E, Bali 115) and below Mother Gaia's belt no less, to thrill those gathered at the conference, because there's nothing quite like a personal appearance (as opposed to the tackier video satellite hookup--honestly, that's like wearing white boots after Labor Day) to--how does one say it?--"warm up" the crowd, and "set a fire" beneath them.

If you must fly back down there, then you must. Just make sure you take your own plane, instead of hitching with someone else. That's so unseemly.

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I have ensured that the global warming conference has all the vodka and "entertainment" they need or could wish for. No, what I have determined is that Criminally Insane Vodkov is not present there, and was last seen in your thread but a few hours ago. So, perhaps you might could tell us where he is at? No, I tell you, he is still here in the soon to be Socialist States of Amerika. Why, I can smell him.

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Comrades! Or should I say "Comrades?"

While Pupovich has been pretending to look for me in Bali, I have been doing my part for the Revolution. In fact, my operatives have been shadowing Pup's every move and what they have reported is worrying to say the least. So, what has he been up to? First, he used the People's money appropriated by Comrade Dirk to gorge himself on decadent cocktails at the airport. Then he bought tax-free vodka and left in a Mercedes limo also paid for by the Peoples money. My operatives then followed him between several institutions of ill repute where he probably spent more of the People's money.

But that's not all. After that, Commissar Pupovich goes to the conference and manages to get in using his Communist Party credentials. He stumbles around inside and causes all kinds of ruckus with his drunken antics. The pinnacle of his performance is when he dares to heckle comrade Gore during his important speech on the destruction of Earth at the hands of the Capitalist pigs.

The next thing my operatives see is Commissar Pupovich removed forcefully from the building by the ALGORE GW Storm Troops. They dragged him into the next street and were about to give him acute cranial lead poisoning with the new environmentally friendly 9mm H&K (know as the "Green Purger") when my operatives intervened. Commissar Pup (who had passed out from the People's vodka by then) was then put in the back of the car and moved to a hotel where we left him.

So let me ask you comrades; perhaps you have a new person for your show trial? No?

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:So let me ask you comrades; perhaps you have a new person for your show trial? No?

In a word... NO,

Good try Criminally Insane Commissar Vodkov, the old bait and switch. But I am not the one on trial here, and so I will not even bother to refute the baseless charges from one who has been examined by professionals, and clearly shown to be insane (though I will note that the Algore has not arrived in Bali as of this time when you claim to have seen him).

Oh, and I especially appreciated that statement you made "My operatives then followed him between several institutions of ill repute where he probably spent more of the People's money." What do you expect Criminal Kommissar? I am Commissar of Eco-Prostitution so it is only natural that I would review the facilities to ensure that they were operating at maximum potential and as Hillary directed, ensured they had all the vodka and "entertainers" necessary for a Global Warming Conference.

While I am not your lawyer, I would recommend you stick with the insanity defense, It is the only possible defense you have.

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How does the People's persecutor, Commissar Pupovich, know Lord Algore was not in Bali? He doesn't! He was too drunk to remember anything. I didn't see the Lord myself but I believe my operatives and the GW Storm Troops.

Ok ok maybe there was a legitimate reason for all these brothel visits. After all, the Party must make sure the prostitutes are not a threat to the Environment. Perhaps all the vodka consumption was a comprehensive sterilization in advance. And PERHAPS KARL MARX WAS THE CEO OF J.P. MORGAN!

You are not fooling anyone Commissar! You are ripe for reeducation! Hillary! Punish this impudent Enemy of the People™ before he causes more harm to the People™! Give us the pleasure of watching his head roll down the altar of Progressive Thought!

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Let us get something straight here Criminal Kommissar. I have not been appointed Peoples Persecutor nor Prosecutor. Are you trying to imply the Chairman. or Red Square is not up to the task Criminal Kommissar? Hmmm? Or that Hillary does not know how to direct a Show Trial? Secondly, I do not drink Criminal Kommissar, outside an occasional taste of wine. Thirdly, had you bothered to check your facts, you would have seen Algore was in Oslo in advance of his receiving the Nobel Prize today. Great Stalin's Ghost! Is this the depths of incompetence to which some Kommissars have fell?

Criminally Insane Kommissar Vodkov, why not do yourself a favor, and take this People's Shovel, start digging, and while you are doing so, denounce yourself, and throw in lots of Hail Hillary's. Not saying that will save you, but perhaps it may show the court that your sanity is returning, and that you are willing to take one For the Common Good™.

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I know everything about Lord Algore's Nobel Prize. After all, it was I who "persuaded" the committee to award it to Him! But let me ask you a question: How do you know Lord Algore was in Oslo? Did you see him for yourself? Are you perhaps among the less informed Party members who actually thought Comrade Brezhnev was alive and greeting people at the Red Square after 1980? Are you telling us you are not in the loop?

I think that has to be the explanation for this unless we are talking paranoid delusions. Comrade Red Square and Empress Hillary have for some reason decided to keep you uninformed. And probably for a good reason. Of course, most Party members are not kept informed. But I'm wondering if you, Commissar Pupovich, even knew that!

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You know, I've been sitting here watching you two go back and forth like a ping pong match, thinking, "Shouldn't they be out on the playground having this conversation under a set of monkey bars?" when I finally realized what's going on here.

Ping pong match, wealth! This is more like watching two floozies fighting over some jerk outside a bar--or on Jerry Springer.

Pupovich? Vodkov? I think you two are in love!

What I haven't figured out yet is whether you're in love with the Empress . . . or each other!

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Are you now trying to slander Kommissarka Pinkie and her sources? A truer Progressive can not be found, and you question her information. Have you never heard the saying "When you are head deep in your grave, stop digging deeper?"

Really? No conference on Climate Change?

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Hey, don't drag me into this. I'm only hanging around in hopes of seeing some vodka.

No chance of seeing some skin between a dog and a bottle.

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Dear comrades!

Of course I'm in love with Commissar Pupovich. After all, there can be no Communism without love! Everybody must love everybody else! Love is sacrifice. When we stop loving we stop sacrificing and what happens then? Yes, we become selfish. We become capitalists! So Commissarka, don't make fun of love. Well, at least you were not accusing us of right-wing heteroperversion!

Back to Bali and Lord Algore. Let me give you a hint. Can you think of a person that's easier to replicate than Lord Algore? Think! Robotic and clumsy movements, monotonous voice, always the same simplistic statements. We have been churning out Algores in the People's Robotics Center in Moscow for two years now. There's not one Lord Algore, there's legion! He can be in as many places as he wants at the same time. And for you Uninformed: You thought Lord Algore only had one private jet? Think again!

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There you go again Criminal Kommissar... trying to distract everyone from your crimes. Well, I have to leave this for a while to go launder some cash... er... clothes. But if I were you Criminal Kommissar, I would be trying to get in touch with your lawyer to prepare a defense. Frankly, you have so many provable crimes that I worry that the Chairman won't have much room left to make up crimes, and what is a good Show Trial without a little fiction?

First, he used the People's money appropriated by Comrade Dirk to gorge himself on decadent cocktails at the airport.

Now Pupovich, I know that criminally insane kommisar's accusations are mostly unfounded but, IF YOU SPENT MY (stolen) WALLETS ON LIQUOR WITHOUT BRINGING ME (massive alcoholic) SO HELP ME GORE I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING WEALTH.

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Chairman, Hillary, Loyal Party members. In an attempt to speed the People's Justice™, I have tried to collect the greater portion of the Criminally Insane Kommissar Vodkov for easy reference. I have also tried to highlight some of the more disturbing pieces of evidence. I have not included some of the crimes I witnessed while conducting a psychological evaluation on the criminal as I would not wish to appear biased in any way. So may I submit the following pieces of evidence:

1st Crime
Asking The Empress a question that appears nowhere on the list approved by her campaign and CNN of questions humbly submitted by The People.Also implied threat regarding alleged fate of Stalin.


By Kommissar Vodkov
12/2/2007, 7:11 pm

My dear Hillary. Why have you switched from a red font to a blue one? Is this some kind of a subconscious signal? I sincerely hope not. I have not yet had to intervene on your exalted level of power but remember that my dear mentor had Stalin himself removed when his senility became a threat. No man (or woman) is larger than the Party! Tell me this switch was a coincidence. It might be enough to save your life, although I do not believe in coincidences.


2nd crime...attempting to steal all the People's Vodka!
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/2/2007, 9:28 pm


Keep your hands off my bottle. The People's vodka is mine! MINE!


3rd crime... High Treason!

Reply with quote
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/2/2007, 10:23 pm

I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you, your "highness."
I have already uncovered one mole in the United States Comm..ehh Democratic party. My little Maoist friends tipped me off about your lover ehh I mean comrade, Nancy Pelosi. It seems she has been guilty of subversive behavior, including mentioning "trade restrictions" (whatever that is) against our friends. I imagine she has been using a blue font recently in her writing!

4th Crime - disparaging People's weaponry!
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/3/2007, 9:10 am


Dear Mikhail,

I don't really understand your message. Your crappy AK is useless when it comes to executions. As you know, it was designed for the stupid masses (and our African friends) who can't learn marksmanship to save their lives. At the range you might actually hit something with an AK, you might as well use a pistol. Furthermore, the AK is useless in mass killings. You point it at a row of class enemies and pull the trigger. When the smoke clears, half of them are alive! What the hell kind of People's weapon is useless in executing the People? Huh?

5th crime Falsely accusing a comrade! This is repeated in several other areas.

The Dragunov is indeed a fine weapon. I'm even thinking about equipping my favorite contractor Monsieur Soutre with one. It might come in handy to purge suspected right-wing plants in our ranks, including Commissar Pupovich - who is clearly a Bushist agitator.


Crimes 6 and 7 - Referring to Hillary by the proscribed term "MTE" and sarcastically implying that Hillary is unable to save anyone she wishes!

By Kommissar Vodkov
12/3/2007, 2:05 pm


Ahh more evidence! You are in serious trouble now, "Comrade" Pupovich! I think we may have enough evidence now for a show trial. Not that we need any! Not even your MTE can save you now!

Crime #8 Questioning why he should prostrate himself before Hillary!

By Kommissar Vodkov
12/3/2007, 8:00 pm


Why should I prostrate myself before the MTE? I thought we were all supposed to be equal! Communism is after all about equality! But now I have to grovel to save my life. That is injustice. There is no injustice in communist society!

There is only one explanation for this. You, Commissar Pupovich and Comrade Dirk, simply have to be members of a Rovian fifth column, infiltrating our socialist utopia. No true communist would demand I kneel before one of my comrades, MTE or other. We are all equal!

Crime #9 Disparaging Nancy.... oh, ok, perhaps we can let this one slide.
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/3/2007, 10:28 pm


I'm more worried about Nancy. I've heard she can crack slabs of titanium between her thighs.

Crimes 10-12 Repeated use of prohibited "MTE," implying non-approved perverted acts by Hillary, and engaging in clear case of blackmail!

By Kommissar Vodkov
12/4/2007, 9:09 am

Damn. Does this mean I'm about to get purged for the Common Good™?

What if I told you Comrades that I have an insurance policy? What if I told you I had compromising pictures of Her Highness? PICTURES OF HER ENGAGING IN HETEROSEXUAL ACTS! Would you want that kind of perversion associated with our MTE?


I doubt it. Can we come to an agreement?

Crime #13 Disparaging Commissarka Pinkie and her People's Boots.
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/4/2007, 10:49 am

Nice try commissarka! These pictures are more than 20 years old and I have the original film. You are trembling in your clumsy-looking work boots, as you should!

Crime #14 - 19 Disparaging "The People™, Referring to non-person K by name outside the bunker, Making threatening boasts about purging Hillary, Slandering the Chairman by implying he would take part in said pruge, and implying the Politburo would be in error and would be in a "lose lose proposition."
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/4/2007, 12:27 pm

Ohhh commissarka! That's where you're wrong! I fear you are giving the People™ too much credit. It doesn't matter when it happened. It only matters when they are told. Remember Comrade Kerry? His alleged cowardice in Vietnam happened a long time ago but the People were told just before elections. Remember what happened? Yes exactly, he was purged.

What do you think the People would say if they saw our leader engaging in consensual heterosexual sex acts just before elections? You can't just expect time to wash off the stigma of heterosexual activity! Ohh no. They will become enraged. The Peoples Leader engaging in right-wing activities! And you think that's just fine?

Let me tell you what will happen. The MTE will be purged. Chairman Punchenko might even pull the trigger himself. And guess who else will be purged? Yes, right again. The people who told her not to worry will be purged too!

I strongly recommend that the Politburo reconsider their ill advised decision to carry out a show trial. I fear that would be a loose-loose proposition.


Crimes 20-21 Refusal to submit to Party will, and implying an alliegance to Uncle Iosef above the Empress.
By Kommissar Vodkov
12/4/2007, 7:26 pm

I'm not coming in voluntarily! You will never catch me, you reactionaries! Long live Stalin!

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comrade dirk wrote: Now Pupovich, I know that criminally insane kommisar's accusations are mostly unfounded but, IF YOU SPENT MY (stolen) WALLETS ON LIQUOR WITHOUT BRINGING ME (massive alcoholic) SO HELP ME GORE I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING WEALTH.

Not to worry Comrade Dirk, I must keep my keen mind sharp and so you may have my Vodka rations for today, as well as this past weekends.

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:Not to worry Comrade Dirk, I must keep my keen mind sharp and so you may have my Vodka rations for today, as well as this past weekends.

Not so fast, Pupovich. Surely you haven't forgotten any and all transfers of vodka rations must first be "cleared" through me?

Not so fast, Pupovich. Surely you haven't forgotten any and all transfers of vodka rations must first be "cleared" through me?

Now Commissarka, I think we can come to an "understanding" (slips pinkie large, well-funded wallet).

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These so called "evidence" are all fabricated. I don't recall having written any of it. You are just out to get me because ... because ... you are envious of my ... ehhh ... my new Lada!

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A Lada? Now I know your insane. Most likely you drive a ZAZ 968.

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No chance of seeing some skin between a dog and a bottle.

...Did I mention that I have a musical cucumber?

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:These so called "evidence" are all fabricated. I don't recall having written any of it. You are just out to get me because ... because ... you are envious of my ... ehhh ... my new Lada!

So now you would compound your guilt with promoting class envy?

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote: These so called "evidence" are all fabricated. I don't recall having written any of it.

Just because you didn't say it doesn't mean the party isn't making you say it.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Can you think of a person that's easier to replicate than Lord Algore? Think! Robotic and clumsy movements, monotonous voice, always the same simplistic statements.

This got me thinking of that old Simpsons episode where Bart and his friends rented a car to go to Knoxville, TN, where Martin spent their last $10.00 on a talking Al Gore doll: "You are hearing me talk." I tried googling it and found this instead:

Franklin Roosevelt Action Figure

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Premier Betty wrote:Just because you didn't say it doesn't mean the party isn't making you say it.

I just don't know what it will take for him to get with the program and do what's best for The Common Good™.

Where is the Chairman?

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Comrades! I am most concerned! It is simply not like the Chairman to not show up on time for a Show Trail - especially since Hillary has specifically called on him. As I am sure you have noticed, this Vodkov is clearly insane and even lunged at me when I was evaluating his sanity. So one can't but help but wonder if he has done physical harm to the Chairman. Why else would be be late? Either that...or gasp.... I can hardly bear to even think this... but perhaps, could he be....holiday shopping? No! No! I refuse to think this!

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I suspect the Chairman is recovering... from... uh... a little too much weekend.

OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! I'll drive down to Richmond, PCVA and bail his ass out of the slammer again! I doubt that Kennedy Cop crap worked with Comrade Gov. Kaine.

Damn it to hell... <mumble> <mumble> What am I? Meow's babysitter just because I live in the same Socialist <s>police state</s> utopia as he does? The little bastard won't even give any money to buy the U.S. Supreme Court. One of these days I'm gonna leave his ass in the klink and let him become someones "girlfriend". <mumble> <mumble>

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Oh my Lenin! I never considered that any fascist police would dare to arrest the Chairman! But I forget the revolution is not complete, and that certainly would be more likely than the Chairman spending money on others for some supposed holiday. What other explanation could there be for the Chairman to be late to a Show Tiral? Oh, there will be Hillary to pay if he doesn't get here soon. It is either that or Criminal Kommissar Vodkov has done physical harm or kidnapped the Chairman.

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I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you, your "highness."
Not even your MTE can save you now!
Why should I prostrate myself before the MTE?
The MTE will be purged. Chairman Punchenko might even pull the trigger himself.
Hmmmm.....? I don't know what to think. Either these are the rantings of a deranged lunatic or the proclamations of an elder statesman of the Democratic Party. It's most likely both.
Comrades! Has this Vodkov been seen with Jimmy Carter lately?
He's showing medical symptoms of being bitten by a rabid splayed-toed swamp rabbit and being whisked off by a UFO to Shirley MacLaine's house where he was reprogrammed!

Lenin, Krupskaya, and Stalin!

He's a Kucinich SPY! He was sent here by Gloria and the Mime!

POTUSMTE H08

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Lenin only knows what this Criminally Insane Kommissar has done to the Chairman! It is certainly not like the Chairman to be late to a Show Trial-Fund Rasier. I can well imagine My Empress was fit to be tied when it did not start as scheduled!

I am hesitant to say this, but perhaps this should be moved to the Bunker. After all, if the sheeple see the Party having problems getting a Show Trial on schedule, they may start worrying about their checks.

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Relax Comrade Pup!!!

He's down here in Richmond, PCVA ... in the slammer.... AGAIN!!!! He still hasn't sobered up as of this morning. It was not just some fascist police dept. this time that arrested him. It was Comrade Gov. Kaine's personal KGB detachment... the Virginia State Police! And they refuse to release him to me! TO ME!!! A HIGH PARTY OFFICIAL AND THEY REFUSE!!!! Oh.... there will be Hillary to pay for this, rest assured!!!

Anyway, here's what happened. Once again, Chairman Meow got loaded on X, pain killers, and 4 bottles of scotch (and I'm not talking about the cheap crap, either) and Lenin knows what else. As many of you know Meow has a HUGE crush on Chelsea Clinton. For those of you who do not know what happened earlier this year at Comrade Gov. Tim Kaine's mansion between Meow, the Comrade Gov.'s daughter, Chelsea Clinton, and the Comrade Gov.'s border collie. Meow found out that Chelsea was having a sleep over with the Comrade Gov.'s daughter at their mansion. But Meow was in such a "chemically induced stupor" that after breaking into the Comrade Gov.'s mansion the good Chairman mistook the border collie for Chelsea. I was a BIG mess!!! I had to bribe police officers. I had to smooth things over with Comrade Gov. Kaine. Sen. Jim "Frogface" Webb got involved and I had to deal with that slimy back stabber. I had to payoff the local Commonwealth's Attorney. It cost The Party™ some serious $$$ for me hush that up!!!

Well, Meow did it again. Except this time Chelsea was not there and the border collie is going to need therapy.

This time the Commonwealth's Attorney refuses to drop the charges and release Chairman Meow to my custody because of the psychological trauma to the border collie and some nonsense about impersonating a cop. Though I have half a mind to leave his ungrateful posterior in slammer, I realize that for the sake of The Revolution™ Chairman Meow must be unfettered in his fund raising activities. Especially now of all times. So, I am going to take some of my extra large sized, strapping young proletarian students, Ivan, Igor, Tatiana, Vlad, and Irina with me to the Commonwealth's Attorney's office and reason with him. I'm sure given a choice between keeping his fingers attached to his body or giving up Meow... he'll choose to give up Meow.

This shouldn't take too long.

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This sounds like it could be a lot of fun. Executing a few reactionaries always makes the clouds go away! Can I come?

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Nice try Criminally Insane Kommisar Vodkov!

No.

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Great Ghost of Stalin! This is sounding pretty suspicious. OK, the first time, anyone can make that mistake, even I have on rare occasion woke up to find some prole in my bed that made me ask "What the people?" and no doubt some that have thought the same when they woke up with me. But a second time? Are you sure the Chairman is just using the "Chelsea Gambit" as an excuse? I mean, it is not that like there is anything wrong with cross species expressions of "love" as long as it's consensual. We need to get that border collie therapy and a subsidy! Oh, and have you called Housekeeping? There is bound to be a mess.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:This sounds like it could be a lot of fun. Executing a few reactionaries always makes the clouds go away! Can I come?

Criminally Insane Kommissar, if Zampoloit can ever bail out the Chairman and get this <s>farce</s> fair Trial underway, I would be a bit surprised if you are not an invited special guest.

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You know, there is one thing that just occurred to me. Have you noticed that Our Many Titted Empress and the Chairman are often absent at the <i>same time</i>? Now I ask you--any good conspiracy theorist, and we're all good conspiracy theorists, aren't we?--would take this as 200-proof proof that they're tearing one off behind our backs.

Our Empress gets all girly about Huma, but who's to say that Huma's not a play-pretty for Meow? I know that I kept someone as larcenous, shifty and dissolute as Meow, instead of vain, silly and shirty like Bruno, then I'd keep him happy with a play pretty. Me, I've got it easy. Cubic zirconium. But Meow? I think Huma would fit the bill.

And imagine the three-some.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:You know, there is one thing that just occurred to me. Have you noticed that Our Many Titted Empress and the Chairman are often absent at the <i>same time</i>? Now I ask you--any good conspiracy theorist, and we're all good conspiracy theorists, aren't we?--would take this as 200-proof proof that they're tearing one off behind our backs.

Our Empress gets all girly about Huma, but who's to say that Huma's not a play-pretty for Meow? I know that I kept someone as larcenous, shifty and dissolute as Meow, instead of vain, silly and shirty like Bruno, then I'd keep him happy with a play pretty. Me, I've got it easy. Cubic zirconium. But Meow? I think Huma would fit the bill.

And imagine the three-some.

No, Comrade. Trust me. Meow has this "Chelsea" obsession. And it becomes even more apparent when he goes on a chemical bender after forgetting to take his medication. I bailed him out down in Richmond, PCVA the last time.

Sadly I have some bad news. This afternoon the jailer says they can't find him. Coincidence? I think not! I smell a VRWC here. But do not worry. They will not keep our Chairman and Chief Executive Thief from us. His duties are too crucial to Her Excellency's Presidential campaign. I'm taking my students and some bolt cutters to former RethugliKKKan Sen. George Allen's house to begin my investigation as to Meow's whereabouts.

However, Comrade Doctor Theocritus... I think you have come up with a splendid idea on how to get Meow over this Chelsea Clinton hang up.

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Yes, but it needs working on. Huma is known for never sweating, and would Meow actually be attracted to someone who <i>didn't</i> sweat? Once time I was helping him pass an idle hour torturing a prole who was not grateful enough for his moldy bread crust, and Meow got inflamed when the prole didn't sweat.

"Chairman!" I shouted, "It's 30 degrees in here and you've stripped him naked!"

"Shut the people up, Theocritus! I want sweat and I'm gonna <i>get</i> sweat!"

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That's from a prole, Theo.

Huma is not a prole. She is an animal that is more equal than others. Therefore, Meow would probably not mind that a potential "love interest" does not sweat.

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Our Empress gets all girly about Huma, but who's to say that Huma's not a play-pretty for Meow?
Huma is not a prole. She is an animal that is more equal than others. Therefore, Meow would probably not mind that a potential "love interest" does not sweat.
YOU BASTARDS! YOU MAY NOT EVEN SPEAK HUMA'S NAME IN MY PRESENCE! MERE COMMISSARS AND SECRET POLICE, THAT'S ALL YOU ARE! JUST SPECKS OF DUST IN A VAST UNIVERSE THAT REVOLVES AROUND ME AND THE GODDESS THAT IS HUMA. I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO TOUCHES HUMA. NEITHER OF YOU ARE FIT ENOUGH TO TOUCH THE HEMS OF HER OSCAR DE LA RENTA GOWNS AND EVEN IF SHE DID SWEAT (WHICH SHE DOES NOT) YOU ARE NOT FIT ENOUGH TO WIPE IT FROM HER BROW! MEOW TOUCHING HER? YOU FILTHY DIRTY SWINE! SUCH PORNOGRAPHY! SICK SICK SICK!
PERVERTS!
HOW CAN YOU TAKE SOMETHING THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AS MY LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH HUMA AND TWIST IT INTO SOMETHING DEGRADING AS A THREESOME WITH....WITH....A CHAIRMAN?

OH THE HUMAnity!

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Hillary! I share your outrage at these comments by Commissar Theocritus and Zampolit! It is simply unbelievable and unsubstantiated! But this is the sort of insanity that we can lay right at the foot of the Criminally Insane Kommissar Vodkov and his insane and seditious comments! This "theory" of Commissar Theocritus does not even hold water any more than Nancy's depends. How can he conclude that you and this wayward Chairman are often absent at the same time? Who showed up for the Show Trial and began this thread? Who has showed up several times here while the Chairman remains lost? Why is the Chairman still lost I ask? Zampolit admits to knowing where the Chairman was? Did he and his "students" fall asleep at their posts and allow the Chairman to leave or be spirited away under their very nose?

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My Empress!


Just tell me who to purge and they will never even have existed!


Your groveling admirer,
Kommissar Vodkov

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https://impeachforpeace.org/board/

My Empress!


Just tell me who to purge and they will never even have existed!


Your groveling admirer,
Kommissar Vodkov
Bring me the Mime! Click on the link, create a user name, and post there demanding the Mime to come to the Cube!
If you bring ME the Mime, not only will you be forgiven, but you will receive the OOH (Order of Hillary) the highest honor a member of the Cube can have bestowed upon them.
Do this one task and Socialism will be grateful to you for eternity!


POTUSMTE H08

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Exalted Hillary,


Who is this Mime you are so obessed with? A class enemy who needs cleansing with lead?


Your bootlicking servant,
Kommissar Vodkov

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Who is this Mime you are so obessed with? A class enemy who needs cleansing with lead?

You must read the entire thread! To become a proper prole member of The People's Cube you must know who The Mime is or else!

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=909

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Very interesting my Empress.

Would you like Kommissar Vodkov to wear his gloves or take them off while this traitor is being dealt with?

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Hillary wrote: Bring me the Mime! Click on the link, create a user name, and post there demanding the Mime to come to the Cube!
If you bring ME the Mime, not only will you be forgiven, but you will receive the OOH (Order of Hillary) the highest honor a member of the Cube can have bestowed upon them.
Do this one task and Socialism will be grateful to you for eternity!


POTUSMTE H08

Alas My Empress, I fear the Mime has blocked new users, either that or he can smell the People's Cube's sweet smell all over this Commissar, I have tried 3 times, to try and lure this Criminal out of his dark mind molesting crib, and each time was promised a link to activate said account, but my mailbox remains empty. Looks as if the Criminally Insane Kommissar best hope for redemption has come up blank.

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That's too bad. Kommissar Vodkov is waiting for an opportunity to unleash his NKVD troops on thought criminals like that.

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Well then...give him a call (612) 302-9252.

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Is this Enemy of the People actually posting his actual phone number all over the place? I didn't think any living member of the human race would be that stupid.

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Hillary wrote:Well then...give him a call (612) 302-9252.

I have to beg off on this my Empress. Due to throat cancer caused by Bush and Haliburton, speaking is not as easy as it once was and I try to avoid it as much as possible. I am glad to say that I had a PET scan today and it was still negative!

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Is this Enemy of the People actually posting his actual phone number all over the place? I didn't think any living member of the human race would be that stupid.

<off>

Yes, read the whole thread....he was so dumb he thought we were KGB. He got pretty irate too when we "outed" him and his buddy CausalCrunch. There was nothing to "out"....it was already "out" there because he put it out there and we exposed him and he freaked "out" because we posted what he had already put on the internet about himself.
It's a shame so many of his posts were deleted but if you read through it, some survive and some were "quote selected" by Cube members in their posts.
He threatened many of us with violence (yeah...the ever "peaceful" Left) and then when we found out he was a 98 pound mime, we all damn near fell on the floor with laughter.

Truly the worst case of Bush Derangement Syndrome that any of us ever encountered.....fabled in Cube story, song and lore.

We are all awaiting Mikael Rudolph's Second Coming to the Cube.
Maybe Santa will be good to us this year and the Mime will grace us with his presence.

Laika

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Hahaha I have to finish reading through the thread, I just skimmed it. Lefties always have their arguments sorted out - usually in this order:

1) "Opinion" based on personal views with no basis in reality.
2) You are ignorant because you don't agree.
3) You are stupid because you don't agree.
4) You are a bigot and probably on big-oil payroll because you don't agree.
5) You have personal problems (have no girlfriend or live in a trailer - the "get a life" argument).
6) Threats ("I know where you live" etc.)

Probably about 90% of all arguments by lefties on the entire internet fit this description exactly.

Where is comrade Hegel when you need him?

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Rudolph was a lot of fun, but then he sobered up. Come back Rudolph! Come back! You really know how to sweet talk a girl. Maybe we have to wait until New Years. It might just be a once a year thing. Then he drinks champagne all by himself and goes carousing on the internet.

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Hillary wrote: Bring me the Mime!


Oooo! My Empress! I have breached the Mime's defenses after all as PupForPeace! How about some advice. How would you suggest I go about to lure him into your clutches?

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Has anyone heard the disturbing rumor that the reason the Chairman has failed to show up for the Show Trial was because he went looking for some Hummels, but then got caught up in the "Christmas" (I know, the word sends shivers down my spine as well) season, and was seen donating all of the money he had collected for Hillary for the Show Trial-Fund Raiser and was seen pouring this money into a Salvation Army bell ringer's kettle?

If not, my job here is done.

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:Has anyone heard the disturbing rumor that the reason the Chairman has failed to show up for the Show Trial was because he went looking for some Hummels, but then got caught up in the "Christmas" (I know, the word sends shivers down my spine as well) season, and was seen donating all of the money he had collected for Hillary for the Show Trial-Fund Raiser and was seen pouring this money into a Salvation Army bell ringer's kettle?

If not, my job here is done.

Upon completing my investigation into this allegation, if I find that you are spreading rumors to "smear" the Chairman's reputation (what little he ever had), then I will turn the matter over to Comrade Smersh in KGB Section 9.

However, if this turns out to be true then there is going to be a certain Chairman having a meeting with the business end of my baseball bat. If he gave all the money that he stole to KKKristmas (*shudder*) donations after REFUSING to give some of it to me for the purpose of BUYING the Supreme Court of the United States for The Party......... Let me use my crystal ball to predict his future should that happen......... Ah yes! .... I see Chairman Meow ..... He looks very unhappy..... Yes! I see his future clearly....... It's filled with ...... PAIN!!!!!!!!. .... That's because Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev put him in an Intensive Care Unit!!!!

Hopefully I will have the Chairman out of the slammer tomorrow. I found him down in the Mecklenburg lock up.

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Blokhayev

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Hopefully I will have the Chairman out of the slammer tomorrow. I found him down in the Mecklenburg lock up.

Most interesting Zampolit.... so, you are saying you found him in a slammer, yet the Chairman who has made a reappearance, has a totally different story. Ah, people it! I just want to know when we are ever going get this peopling Show Trial going that Hillary has ordered! What has happened around here? Sloppiness! Disorder I say! Can't even get a show trial started on time! *Commissar Pupovich smelling some money to calm down.*

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Commissar Pupovich wrote: Most interesting Zampolit.... so, you are saying you found him in a slammer, yet the Chairman who has made a reappearance, has a totally different story. Ah, people it! I just want to know when we are ever going get this peopling Show Trial going that Hillary has ordered! What has happened around here? Sloppiness! Disorder I say! Can't even get a show trial started on time! *Commissar Pupovich smelling some money to calm down.*

It looks like that call I put into Sen. Jim "Frogface" Webb's (S-VA) office did the trick. Apparently, Frogface has dirt on the warden down there at Mecklenburg. And, as of yesterday, I have dirt on Frogface.

Now.... uh.... Where is Chairman Meow hiding?

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So you haven't heard? All this time you claim you knew where he was at, the Chairman's Pitiful Excuse is that he was *snicker* kidnapped by the Obama campaign! Then apparently he claims to have been held by... get this... a librarian! Frankly, I am beginning to wonder if we don't have some imposter Chairman! Can this really be the Chairman we came to love and respect? The Chairman I knew would certainly not forget to show up at a Show Trial called by Hillary! I tell you, he has either been kidnapped and an imposter sent to fill his empty suit, or he has been enticed by the lure of "Christmas" (and yes, I used that shocking spelling rather than the more acceptable KKKristmas to emphasize it's depravity) with all it's giving of presents rather than the natural urge to take and take from others. I can only hope my Chairman comes back, full of his lecherousness, and ready to put the Criminal Kommissar to task and ease the burden on Hillary.

I don't wish to shock anyone, but my sources tell me this is a picture of the missing Chairman, in the back with his head turned....
Image

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Hiding? I'm not hiding! I WAS KIDNAPPED, DAMMIT! Why the Hell are you all just standing around when the ship is sinking!? Huh!? Don't you realize that Obama is kicking the wealth out of us in these early primary matchups!? Don't you realize that WE WILL ALL BE SHOT if Her Excellency doesn't claim the throne in November!? WE HAVE MAJOR PROBLEMS HERE, PEOPLE, AND EVERYONE IS NOT DOING ENOUGH TO SLIME THE OPPOSITION!

Didn't you people see the debate today and Obama's cheap shot at our MTE? Huh? Didn't you see him look down on our Empress by saying that "she can advise him" when he becomes POTUS?!?! Am I the only one here doing his/her/its part to discredit, defame and destroy the enemy!?!?!? GET WITH IT, PEOPLE! GET WITH IT! You need to all realize that our fortunes, whores and power are all tied to Her Excellency and, well, if she sinks we will all sink with her and I'm not about to let that happen!

It is high time we kick it up a knotch AND DO EVERYTHING WE CAN TO MAKE ANYONE WHO DARES OPPOSE HILLARY LOOK LIKE GARBAGE!

- Lie

- Cheat

- Steal

- Spread rumors

- Blame rivals for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!

We need to get it together, Comrades, and do everything right now for Her Excellency. And since these times are so dire and absolutely crucial to the success of the revolution... ANYONE WHO DOES NOT CARRY THEIR LOAD FOR HER EXCELLENCY WILL BE SHOT WITHOUT A SHOW-TRIAL! Now then, I want everyone to picture the scene where Winston and the Ministry of Truth were all scrambling around changing every record that had any hint of being out-of-line with the Current Truth and I want everyone with the equal rank of prole to DOUBLE YOUR EFFORTS! DOUBLE YOUR EFFORTS AND KEEP OBAMA FROM WINNING IOWA! SLIME THE BASTARD BACK TO CHICAGO! SLIME HIM, DAMMIT! POUR ACID ON THE CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE TO!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote: Oooo! My Empress! I have breached the Mime's defenses after all as PupForPeace! How about some advice. How would you suggest I go about to lure him into your clutches?

Kommissar Vodkov is now a proud member of the Mime's forum! Comrade Pupovich, perhaps we should synchronize our watches!

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Chairman! Is this really the conniving, treacherous, scheming comrade that I have come to admire and mold myself after? If so, my scheme has worked! Chairman, I can not wait to take up the battle against those who have besmirched Hillary, which is why we must get this trial of the Criminal Kommissar out of the way, Now between me and you, there may be a quick way out if you would wish to go that route, and Hillary agrees. Of course, since Vodkov is Criminally Insane, it would not be beyond reason to blame him for these attacks. Then again, I do have another plan....

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Kommissar Vodkov is now a proud member of the Mime's forum! Comrade Pupovich, perhaps we should synchronize our watches!

Yes, if only I could get some advice on how we should go about this. BTW Criminally Insane Kommissar Vodkov, I have been thinking of a way for you to be cleared of these charges.... if.... if....Hillary approves the plan. Because I care Criminal Kommissar....

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Thank you for your concern comrade.

Maybe the evil Mime's forum does not really need to be disrupted. I have been reading it and it seems to me most members there are right-wing impostors with an agenda of ridiculing it with stupid posts. I can't believe they are actually genuine Liberals. Not even our Liberal Useful Idiots are stupid enough to post some of the stuff there (ahemm). Maybe we should warn our comrade the Mime about this and tell him his forum has been compromised. There are many examples we can use.

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Oh, I don't think we wish to disturb the Mime's forum, we just wish to induce him to come back here to share his wisdom here....

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Most Exalted Representative Wexler of the Florida Moonbat Flight wrote:"The way we pass stem-cell research, the way we get implemented a children's health care plan, the way we get higher CAFE [corporate average fuel economy] standards to bring our energy debacle into a better condition for generations to come is to have impeachment hearings," Wexler said, appearing to nearly run out breath at one point during his speech. "Because that'll get the president's eye. That'll get the vice president's eye. That for the first time will show that the Democratic majority is here, and that in fact we have the courage of our convictions, and that we're not bound to be tied by conventional wisdom."
I have been a staunch admirer of Rep. Wexler's progressive views for years now, and he as always steps right up to the plate. This is no satire, comrades, and we do not have to suspect a heinous right-wing plant. This is true-blue Wexler in all his fulminating glory. And in the Wexlerian universe, the protons orbit the electrons and gravity makes things lighter, and nothing makes sense whatsoever.

"That we're not bound to be tied by conventional wisdom." Or any other either.

I feel so at home.

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The Most Deranged Chairman Meow wrote: Hiding? I'm not hiding! I WAS KIDNAPPED, DAMMIT!

Bullwealth, I say! Bullwealth!

Wait. Something just occurred to me...

Meeeeooooow? Did you stop talking your meds?

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