:: SPECIAL STATEMENT FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MADAM SPEAKER::

[TO BE RELEASED TO ALL MSM ORGANS A.S.A.P ]

Fellow Party members and distinguished useful idiots at home and abroad:

It is my sad duty to report to you today that our war against the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy has taken a turn for the worst. At precisely 1:00PM EST, infamous slinger of hate, bile and Pro-American views, Rush Limbaugh, has declared victory over the Party and our affiliates the world over. In his victory, Rush Limbaugh has single handedly raised over $2,100,100.00 for the MC-LEF charity group thus proving to the entire world that his support for the troops is far greater than any lip-service we could ever deliver. And to make matters worse, he is even going so far to match the funds with his own money to bring the total to a whopping 4.2 million dollars.

Due to Limbaugh's shock and awe campaign against the Party, disaffected Conservatives all over this hate-filled and intolerant free nation are rising up and creating an “insurgency” which is beating our Party Apparatchiks into a frothing stupor – this was clearly visible in Rep. Pete Stark (D- CA 13th) anti-troop rant on the floor of the House this week. Never before have we met so much opposition, never before have we been such an ineffective body. Therefore, it is my solemn duty today to inform you all that THE WAR AGAINST THE RIGHT IS LOST and that we have no choice but to re-deploy large portions of our Party Apparatus into the Clinton campaign which is our only hope for a Socialist American Tomorrow™.

It is never easy admitting defeat (that is, of course, unless we are doing so to undermine America's war effort against Islamo-fascism) especially when we had so many good plans to wreak havoc on America's economic prosperity, security and general well-being. But sometimes, Comrades, sometimes the Party can't win them all, and this is especially true right now.

But because we lost this war and that our Democrat majority – no, mandate – in both chambers of Congress use to mean something, well, it doesn't mean anything now, obviously. I want to apologize to all of those useful idiots at Daily Kos, MyDD, Air America, the Center for American Progress, everyone working with George Soros, Media Matters and various other Hillary Clinton front groups for our monumental failure as a Party for the People™, the Children™ and anyone else who we can strangle with the full force of government.

I also would like to send my condolences to Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) for his monumental embarrassment. Right now as I write this, my colleague and dear friend, Majority Leader Reid, is currently crying his eyes out like a little bitch in the Senate cloak room. He knows all too well that he gave Limbaugh a golden opportunity to make fools out of us all. Harry also knows that his failure to silence Limbaugh has only thrown more fuel on the growing conservative insurgency thus sealing our defeat permanently. Way to go Harry. Way to go. Thank you for making us look like children, greasy little children at that, which will further undermine our efforts. You are a jackass, Harry, and I can only hope that Hillary thinks of an appropriate punishment for you.

Comrades, my time has almost expired and I really must be going now. I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon to get my mommy bags raised a couple feet. Once again, Rush Limbaugh has seized the day and forever this defeat will be recorded in the Party annals as AMERICA FRIDAY, a day that will forever denote our tragic defeat against the forces of life, liberty and property.

In the meantime I would ask all my fellow Party members to take credit for this auction until we can think of something to counter it with. I know many of you here at the Cube (Commissar Pupovich in particular) have already done so along with crying little bitch Harry Reid. I thank you for your support thus far and will kindly ask you to keep up the good work despite this monumental and embarrassing defeat.

Thank you, and may someone other than me bless ugly America,

Speaker Nancy Pelosivich

GREAT GHOST OF CARL MARX! TWO MILLION DOLLARS!? (faints)

4.2M when all is said and done, Comrade Dirk. I know, I'm just as livid as you are right now and will need some more Botox injections after this ordeal is over.

ugh that massive amount of money that isnt being sent to hillary is making my head spin. I need some soft cash

Oh my Lenin! The news keeps getting worse. Yahoo News says, "<a href="https://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/2007 ... itors_ytop"> As violence falls in Iraq, cemetery workers (and lib bloggers) feel the pinch.</a>" What am I supposed to put in my blog now? "Bushler's war is going okay." Do have any idea how unpopular that would make me a Star Bucks?

What is more important to you, Yahoo. Winning the war and the lives of our Nazi troops or getting the party into power?

the Bushitler strikes again. forcing innocent mass grave diggers out of work when the business was so good. more proof that forcing out saddam has only made things worse in Iraq

I sure hope those senators who signed that bill refuse to match the amount it sold for. We can't have them support such a patriotic and troop supporting charity group.

On the heels of this awful defeat, I for one am asking all Apparatchiks at State Party HQ here in Richmond to go ahead and make proper use of my office window. This is just humiliating and so far I have drawn thirty names of good candidates downstairs to go ahead and take that great leap of faith out my window. So far every single one of them has managed to toss themselves out for the Common Good™ all the while missing the parked cars below. Thank you, Comrades. Thank you.

Have any Apparatchiks committed suicide at Party HQ in California, Betty? Are you getting a good stream of selflessness where you're stationed?

Meow wrote: Have any Apparatchiks committed suicide at Party HQ in California, Betty? Are you getting a good stream of selflessness where you're stationed?

Need you ask such a question? I have already gotten so many candidates that I have had to hire others to help with the suicides.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id ... _article=1

This is a sad day indeed. Oh Stalin! 4.2 Million! This also means there will be no telling how many kids that will go to college and not need any socalist services!

In this case, one dollar is a tragedy, but 4.2 million is utter devastation for our cause (must stay away from windows until I get over this humiliation - maybe I can appoint a selfless prole to jump for me).

Madam Speaker:

Our stooges at ABC News are already helping us turn this defeat into a true-blue Democrat victory. I found this little gem at the intolerant Drudge Report...

Some little puke named Z. Byron Wolf at ABC News wrote:The bidding ends at 1:00p.m. No mater what, Democrats are going to make a ton of money for a charity off their political vitriol. FULL ARTICLE LINK

Thank Lenin for our media puppets!

This is truly a sad day for all of us all - especially those who have failed and are currently being thrown out of windows.

Meow – Make sure that slut from accounting throws herself out the window as well. I didn't care for the looks she was making at me the last time I was in Richmond. And I sure the Hell didn't like her filling Lupe's head with ideas of “freedom” and “working for someone else”. What was her name? Sandy? Was it Sandy? Yeah, make sure Sandy takes the great leap of faith for the Common Good™.

The Madam Speaker wrote:Meow – Make sure that slut from accounting throws herself out the window as well. I didn't care for the looks she was making at me the last time I was in Richmond. And I sure the Hell didn't like her filling Lupe's head with ideas of “freedom” and “working for someone else”. What was her name? Sandy? Was it Sandy? Yeah, make sure Sandy takes the great leap of faith for the Common Good™.

Sandy threw herself out the window about an hour ago, Madam Speaker. Come to think of it, I think she went on top of the roof and threw herself from there – voluntarily, mind you – for her apparent failures. Sure, there were two really big guys there to “assist” her in “self-sacrifice” – but all the same it was totally voluntary. We don't force our Apparatchiks to give themselves to the Common Good™. It is, after all, common courtesy to ask politely for volunteers before we start rounding up random folks and force them out the window. We like to call it Southern hospitality, Madam Speaker.

All apparatchiks who have embarrassed the party report to their respective Komissar for defenestration. This act of loyalty to the State will thus reverse the blemish you have caused, and rendering the State "pure as the driven snow."

RIK

Yay! Time to sharpen the 'ol guillotine.

Fellow comrades. In light of this incredibly huge defeat for the party I think it is time to seriously consider the purging of formerly useful idiot harry reid.

Just as soon as the executions are over.

*thunk*
<sound of guillotine coming down on a useless prole's neck>

Damn, why did Sandy have to jump? I had many planned uses for her as a "personal assistant". Even after failure, some Party apparatchiks can still be useful.

Oh well, I guess I must keep in mind the Party's inspirational reminder, "WWJD?".

What Would Josef Do?

COMRADES! I AM APPALLED AT THE PESSIMISM! Does anyone remember the movie "Animal House"? NOTHING'S OVER UNTIL WE DECIDE IT IS! Was it over when the Bushitler attacked Pearl Harbor and blamed it on the peaceful country of Japan? NO! Was it over when the Bigot in Chief attacked the World Trade Center? NO! We made an alliance with the progressive forces of Osama bin Laden and are fighting by them even today! Rush won a battle, but not the war! Remember, comrades: the great Lenin did not give up the revolution when that reactionary dog Kerensky took power! He kept leading the proletariat until he was overthrown and dear Lenin took the rightful seat of power!

And you, Madam Speaker: Almost a year ago you first said that magical word: MANDATE. Yes... the mandate that 100,234,018,921,101,021,419,000,000,000 American voters gave to us (both living and dead). They put their trust in us (for the amount of money I paid some voters, they better!) We cannot let them down by just surrendering like this!

Only Krissy Keefer can save us now.
If only Krissy had won....<sigh>
If Krissy had won, we would have surrendered by now, we'd all be in a giant collective and Mikael would be giving us ballroom dancing lessons in the street, choreographed by Krissy, and The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ would have been The Progressive World of Last Wednesday™.
I need some taxpayer funded grief counseling and will somebody call SMO and get all these self inflicted necro-proxies swept under the rug? They're starting to smell like Winkle Paw.

You know comrades, I believe that our little collective is getting a bit too over-wrought by what is really nothing more than a bump in the Great Progressive Road. The right-wing hate machine is in disarray and is heading for its final defeat. Remember that when we demand surrender, we are demanding that Bushitler regime surrender. Not us! This is trivial and temporary.

Remember that a giant, powerful Party Machine can easily overcome these minor attacks. Recall the words of Party leader Comrade Tarkin, just before leading the Great Party Machine against hate-filled dissident agitators: "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances."

Yes, Laika - If only we had Krissy and her troupe of dancing unshavened lesbians to save us... <heavy sigh>

Speaking of Winkle Paw and unshavened lesbians: Hill sure is getting a ton of money from poor dishwashers in Chinatown. I guess our Beijing contacts have come through and are currently "dishwashing" the money once it comes into the States. Why launder money when you can dishwash it? Eh, Comrades? Eh?

comrade dirk wrote:the Bushitler strikes again. forcing innocent mass grave diggers out of work when the business was so good. more proof that forcing out saddam has only made things worse in Iraq

Not to worry, comrade! We'll find them jobs in the Gulag. They believe in God, so we were going to send them there sooner or later.

thank goodness. The last thing the party needs is a shortage on mass graves

Comrades!

I have devised a plan that can help us outshine Limbaugh in what I'm dubbing the Nancy Pelosi Purge-A-Thon to Victory®! Yes! Right now I'm asking all Comrades – in good standing within the eyes of the Party, which are everywhere, of course – to help purge 2,100,100 apparatchiks to make up for the money that Limbaugh raised. Killing off all of these people is the only way we can make it back into the papers! GET BUSY!

Remember: One death is tragedy – but a million is just a statistic, a statistic that will get us on the front page of every major U.S newspaper thus making us relative again! JOY!

People who can be purged:

- The useless
- Those who have not met quotas (made-up quotas count)
- Idiots standing/sitting around (you can find them at parks)
- Friends
- Family
- Pets with grievances against their “owners” (that should be easy)
- Friends of friends
- Neighbors
- The homeless (no one is going to miss them anyways and they owe us for all the freebies)
- Tourist (from developed nations, of course)
- People who are not useless but who look useless
- People who cannot be given victim status
- Those who are not unionized or drug dealers

Together I am confident we can purge 2,100,100 for the Greater Good™. Do not stop until every cubicle, cell, box car, home, dumpster, park bench, ditch and hospital room is “cleansed” of potential Enemies of the People™. GOOD LUCK!

(Necro-Proxies DO NOT count and are protected for use during elections! Don't let us catch you filling your pledge sheets with names of already deceased people! I'm looking in your direction ACORN.)

actually nancy, if you include the match of the bid by warmongering pig limbaugh its 4,200,200 appartchicks that need to make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good(tm).

which means more work for the unemployed grave diggers in Iraq (who we will not be paying).

Nancy! I know it seems like a loss, but don't you feel Reid did manage to snatch a little glory back for us with his amazing performance to make it appear we contributed For the Children™?

Be that as it may.... there are an estimated 330,000 ACLU members and just off the top of my head, for no reason in particular, I figure I can easily pledge 50,000 non-productive and/or agent provocateurs. Nor will I stop there of course.

comrade dirk wrote:which means more work for the unemployed grave diggers in Iraq (who we will not be paying).

Brillian observation, Comrade! I wish I had seen that before! Madam Speaker's Purge-A-Thon will provide work for those unfortunate Iraqi grave diggers who are losing work (all because of the new strategy of the Bushitler's lapdog, General BETRAY-US).

Yes yes, the best time of the year! Temperatures are the best, the leaves are turning colors, football games on the weekend, and purges! Who can ask for more? As Comrade Branish mentioned, this is also a good time of year to turn over some dirt... well, for others to that is, but one can certainly enjoy the smell of it can't one? Hmmm.... come to think of it... we could bring some of those underemployed Iraqi grave diggers into San Francisco... they would be in a "sanctuary city" and Lenin knows, there are plenty of soon to be non-persons there that need to be purged.

Brillian observation, Comrade

Why thank you comrade branish. I am just doing my duty to undue the havok and poverty wrought by Bushitlers Illegal war for oil and his corporate puppet master halliburton

BUSH LIED PEOPLE DIED