The new Inaugural Celebration and Victory Parade in honor of President B. B. Obama is featuring, for the first time in history, a phone app designed to collectivize your personal information and redistribute it directly to the Party.

Once users download the app, it immediately begins a thorough surveillance of all your personal communications, all the while compiling a list of your associates for further reference by the Party.

How President Obama's inaugural app mines data for Democrats

Your information will be forwarded to dozens of Party apparatuses, all without you having to fill out all the usual forms. Denunciations and reports of suspicious activity are also automatically formatted and texted to the appropriate State Security organs. This is expected to save thousands of hours of administrative work in collecting information normally gathered through regular interrogations.

What's more, this app will search through your personal records to locate your unused or unneeded assets, which can then be marked for transfer to the Party for the good of the People. Citizens will be comforted to know that this app will allow the Party to track your GPS location, to make certain you are not living outside of your Propiska and that all your Internal Passport stamps are in order.

The Party's Department of Data Harvesting developed this app to help Inaugural celebrants enjoy all of the spectacles of the event, while assisting the Party in its mandate to care for all citizens by tracking their behavior. Future apps will include the new iDrink app, which integrates with a tracking device designed to warn you not to go over daily ration of Beet Vodka and sends an automatic self-denunciation if you have.

Do not be secretive, Comrades!
Welcome Party officials into your daily life by sharing information!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Proletarian Red-noser

[img]/images/Smart_Phone_App_Inauguration_Obama.jpg[/img]

Welcome Obama into your daily life with Obama Inauguration App for smart phone users.

Immediate benefits:

• ll your communications and contacts will be automatically forwarded to the appropriate Party organs without you having to fill out the usual forms.
  
• Denunciations and reports of suspicious activity will be promptly formatted and texted to State Security, saving thousands of hours of regular interrogations.
  
• Your unused or unneeded assets will be located and marked for transfer to the Party for the good of the People.

Help us collectivize your personal information and redistribute it directly to the Party!

Department of Data Harvesting
Assisting the Party in its mandate to care
for all citizens by tracking their behavior.

Mining for democrats ... is that from the bowels of the earth, or elsewhere?

Nomenklatura-climber: Of course all Obama phones come with this app. But wouldn't it be easier and far more efficient to just have this app directly implanted into the proles bodies?

Hail to Comrade Dear Leader, he has cured my mental disorder! I used to be considered paranoid, now my fears are obviously normal

Proletarian Robot wrote:Nomenklatura-climber: Of course all Obama phones come with this app. But wouldn't it be easier and far more efficient to just have this app directly implanted into the proles bodies?

Patience Comrade, that will come upon the full implementation of Dear Leader's glorious health care plan. We told you have to pass it to see what's in it.

The Comrade Director's blog inspires me to join this important cause! Thank you, Comrade Director! I want to join the Cadres of Data Harvesting! Where are the request forms? Must I donate one kidney, or both?

Comrade Climber, the number of organs to be donated are decided during the Party Surgery procedure by the attending Party "associate". You won't know until you wake from the anesthesia - if, in fact, you do.

Ah, just like last time! I thankful that the Party has implemented the Affordable Healthcare Act so that both the prosthetics and dialysis are free!

Comrades,


Just remember to continue to file your reports to the Party. The Party is always listening and watching, so join in the fun!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Climber, the number of organs to be donated are decided during the Party Surgery procedure by the attending Party "associate". You won't know until you wake from the anesthesia - if, in fact, you do.

Please be reminded that effective Jan. 2013, anesthesia is considered bourgeois decadence, which is taking limited People's resources from other important Party endeavors. And so is alcohol, to be replaced by the miraculous healing powers of tap water.

Indeed, it had slipped my mind! Thank you Comrade Square for the glorious reminder, I hereby denounce my forgetfulness.

In fact, comrades, not only is anesthesia bourgeois decadence, it contributes to Global Warming - yet another reason that it has therefore been reserved for surgeries needed by Party elites only.

Red Square wrote:

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Climber, the number of organs to be donated are decided during the Party Surgery procedure by the attending Party "associate". You won't know until you wake from the anesthesia - if, in fact, you do.

Please be reminded that effective Jan. 2013, anesthesia is considered bourgeois decadence, taking limited People's resources from other important Party endeavors. And so is alcohol, to be replaced by the miraculous healing powers of tap water.

A Comrade's encouraging word and a repeating loop of Mariah Carey's Obama victory song should be sufficient for any surgical procedure.

Ooooh, I am so glad to have Obama in my daily life. Up till now, he has just been in my wallet, and constantly hearing "I" and "me" coming from my pants pocket was a bit disconcerting, to say the least....

Nomenklatura-climber wrote:The Comrade Director's blog inspires me to join this important cause! Thank you, Comrade Director! I want to join the Cadres of Data Harvesting! Where are the request forms? Must I donate one kidney, or both?

Usually it's required of both testicles, but a spine will suffice as well.

Yes, party officials will receive most of the donated organs, be that as it may, Comrades we must rejoice that party officials have announced that Zerox and Wurlitzer have merged and will begin to produce reproductive organs, a glorious day indeed for Comrade Fluke and all Comrades!