In case you have lived all your life in a liberal echo chamber (e.g., your mom's basement in an upscale neighborhood of N. Virginia), or you work on a campus of a progressive college or in a newspaper (if you work at all) and you have never met real people - this piece is for you.

If your only source of information about the world is mainstream media and progressive websites, you may already have heard how stupid, fascist, racist, narrow-minded, and hateful people can be in that parallel universe of the right-wingers. But if you're young or new to the movement, here's a good primer.

Neocons on a Cruise: What Conservatives Say When They Think We Aren't Listening

By Johann Hari, Independent UK. Posted July 17, 2007.

The Iraq war has been an amazing success, global warming is just a myth and Guantanamo Bay is practically a holiday camp. The annual cruise organized by the 'National Review,' mouthpiece of right-wing America, is a parallel universe populated by straight-talking, gun-toting, God-fearing Republicans.

How absurd and ridiculous these repubs in the story are! The article written by an unbiased and high-brow progressive journalist gives enough proof of that.

And the comments below the article, on the other hand, show how open-minded, tolerant, and interested in reality the left-wingers are. A whole different universe indeed!

It disgusts me. How can anyone call Guantanamo Bay a holiday camp when the prisoners are viciously tortured with 3 full meals a day, warm beds, reserved time 5 times a day for prayer, and the world's best security system? Where are they supposed to practice their acts of tolerance (beheading of the infidels) in such a place. They are not even allowed to physically beat and rape the women who do not wear Burkas. What a terrible, terrible place.

Let us not forget that those prisoners are mercilessly hooked up to the finest healthcare equipment in the world and subjected to the brutality of American doctors with their "compassion" and "expertise". Ugh! It just makes me want to soil myself thinking that these poor, put upon Freedom Fighters are treated like... like... like animals!!! ANIMALS, COMRADES! ANIMALS!!!

Comrades,

After reading this article, Neocons on a Cruise[missle], I must say that I am not in the least bit surprised by what I have just read. Comrade Johann Hari has merely confirmed what we have known about the counter-revolutionary neocons/neo-Nazis. They are compassion-less, cruel, racist, and mean spirited. Look at some of the compassion-less, cruel, racist, and mean spirited things that they have done! Like cuttting taxes! Thus taking away the the government's money to use for progressive social needs and giving it BACK to the proles to squander on consumer goods which in turn creates horrible economic growth! Leaving The Children™ without school lunch programs which are NEEDED as their proletarian parents are too lazy and too stupid to feed, or raise, their own Children™. Like advocating the murder of Islamic Freedom Fighters who, along with their fellow travelers in the Democratic Party, struggle every day to defeat AmeriKKKa and it's imperialist bloodlust to spread democracy throughout the Middle East! Like suicide-bombing the U.N. HQ! The U.N. is the central hub in nurturing the progressive Socialist cause all over the world!!!

I wish to extend my warmest regards to Comrade Hari for daring to venture into enemy territory and infiltrate this anti-Socialist group of hate-mongers in order to bring the rest of us in the progressive cabal this vital intelligence! Lenin would be proud!

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

This article embodies the very best of good journalism. Though it was authored solely by young volunteer staffers at the prestigious Karl Marx Treatment Center who'd received this creative writing assignment from Doctor P, the completed article reads like it was authored by a veteran Pravda corespondent. Sharpshooter medals to all involved.

They deserve all the accolades and praise we can muster. Though not a single one of the young voluteeers actually went on this cruise, one of them knows a person that is related to a man that talked to someone that has an acquaintance at work whose sister is married to one of the merchant mariners who was an able-bodied seaman on that very same cruise.

When writing an article such as this it's very important to keep all your facts straight, otherwise people might challenge the truth of your message. Statements such as these:

Alternet - Neocons on a Cruise wrote:"A few of these prominent liberals who are trying to demoralise the country," she says. "Just take a couple of these anti-war people off to the gas chamber for treason to show, if you try to bring down America at a time of war, that's what you'll get." She squints at the sun and smiles. " Then things'll change."

The solitary black person claims, "If the Ku Klux Klan supports equal rights, then God bless them." And I have nowhere to run.

though not actually said by anyone on the cruise, as the entire article is fiction, are a reflection of what we all know to be true. They expose what everyone on the Right says every day and help to reinforce reality. If you ever take the time to talk to a reactionary pig you will quickly find them voicing these very same words, though with much more violence and hate than our young volunteer staffers were able to bring themselves to imitate.

And after you've published for social justice it is very important to never let the reactionaries label you with outmoded words such as "liar." As part of a noble effort our struggle is about responsibility, doing the right thing and not letting the fear of being attacked by reactionary mobs of crazed, club wielding Nazis stop you from exposing their lies and hate:

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One last thought on this: an object lesson. Recently, at one of the worst, most vile and hate-filled websites of Right Wing, corporate funded propaganda, Moonbattery, a thoughtful and well-meaning revolutionary who went by the name of "G." tried to shine a mirror in front of the faces of the fools that frequent that site. As you will see by reading the linked article, though what he had to say was factually true, G. was irresponsible and did the wrong thing (thus violating Dan Rather's golden rules of Good Journalism) by including a link to the data he used in his very persuasive and factually true post. If you do things like that the ignorant mobs will attack you and rip you apart, as happened to poor, departed comrade G.

Moonbattery - G. is for Gullible wrote:G. Is For Gullible

To find examples of the eagerness of moonbats to swallow anything whatsoever that reinforces their foolish prejudices, you don't need to look any farther than the comments right here at Moonbattery, where yesterday a troll named "G." stuck it good to conservatives with this gem: ...

Moonbattery - G. is for Gullible

As you can see by reading this article and the comments (the comments are a must read, comrade G. pleads for his rights and is denied), some tool named "reader Kevin" found the achilles heel (comrade G.'s provided link). This proves that unless you wrote the evidence yourself, you should only reluctantly back up your journalistic statements with evidence. Let your readers do their own research. As for this "reader Kevin" tool, come the day he will be one of the first to be "banned" by the Party! He is obviously a very anti-social and dangerous man.

We need a "This is a Troll Friendly Site" banner.
<sigh>
WHYGMR?WHYGAG?

How About:


WELCOME TROLLS!

Ignore the gun barrels pointed in your direction.

Here is a lovely propaganda site exposing the fascist country that the Bu$h Corporate Regime created.

P.S - Don't forget to fear monger your friends, family, neighbors and co-workers this weekend about Gobal Warming!

Good link, Chairman! Those were some of the most shocking images of Billionaires for Bush I have ever seen! (Did you know that they are all real billionaires and they are really for Bush?)

But there were also pictures of real suffering and oppressed Americans! Like this one.


In the spirit of progressive journalism I decided to enhance the image making it even more dramatic. I can't decide which version is more dramatic, though. I need help of the collective.

Comrades, our sister above is proof that the ACLU has done a fine job in forcing the release of people from the loony bin, er, care home where they are not forced to take their anti-psychotic drugs. In the days before tricyclics (?), the loony bins were filled with people with amazing art abilities, to make very disturbing art, which is what you would expect. Since these drugs have been developed, this art has stopped.

Almost.

I wonder if we could run a competition for the biggest non sequitur.

Our oil wells are filled with the blood of children.

Bush named his dog Spot and so Hayek is a moron.

Hillary Clinton paid someone to bake brownies and so should manage 100% of our lives.

Bill Clinton.

The Saudis pay for presidential libraries and so will never be tended to to stop their funding of madrassas. Oh. Sorry. That's true.

Red Square wrote:I can't decide which version is more dramatic, though. I need help of the collective.

I like all of them. Something like: Our Dead Children's Blood is Filled With Oil would be the most truthful though.

The motto at Halliburton is Profits Before People. Murder of innocents is just part of doing business. Everyone knows that. Give it a rest.

Chairman, someone seems to've smuggled this picture out of Halliburton Hall. Don't let me catch you.:

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I personally liked the image of the "segregated" drinking fountains, Ka-Ching. This just shows that our side is winning the photoshopping wars against you and other corporatist whores. Speaking of whores and Angry Left Winger Hate, I have another link this time from News hounds decrying Fox Noise's attempt to scare more people into thinking terrorist are out to get us! (the "fascist enablers" bit really tickled my fancy)

Linkage - Silly Leftist Pissing Their Pants At Newshounds

If Fox Noise knew anything, they would have already figured out that GLOBAL WARMING is the proper way to scare us! We all know the War on Terror is just another bumper-sticker and that Global Warming is the real imminent threat to our national security! THIS IS A NON-STORY! BE MORE CREATIVE AND USEFUL AND REPORT ON FIRED-LAWYER-GATE!!!