Only outlaws will have light sabers....

College goes on lockdown after light saber mistaken for gun

Students and staff members at Farmingdale State College on Long Island were told to shelter in place Wednesday while police investigated a report that someone was assembling a rifle in a school parking lot. College spokeswoman Kathryn Coley says the rifle was actually a "Star Wars" toy.

Isn't the lightsaber a symbol of the decadent capitalistic elite ("jedi knights") oppressing the masses? I think us glorious Kubists know who the good guys are in the Star-Wars Franchise :

i'm sorry, I couldn't help it...

Not if, but when it comes to pass are squirrels going to be exempt?

Minitrue - I like your image better, but I made this one a while ago with a more family-oriented caption.

It's only the presence of light sabers that allowed the radical American rebels to defeat the King's army. If only King George was a little more strict in enforcing the light saber control and background checks, none of this nonsense with the Constitution and the Second Amendment would've happened.


But, of course, we should be more nuanced and flexible with regards to our Muslim comrades...

What do I have to do to get that medal?

Minitrue wrote:What do I have to do to get that medal?

Comrade Minitrue,

1)Live in a tree surviving on nuts and berries
2)Become a master bird feeder repair technician
3)Cultivate your designated beet field
4)Stay out of Comrade Pinky's sight

Captain Craptek wrote:

Minitrue wrote:What do I have to do to get that medal?

Comrade Minitrue,

1)Live in a tree surviving on nuts and berries
2)Become a master bird feeder repair technician
3)Cultivate your designated beet field
4)Stay out of Comrade Pinky's sight

He lies! All you have to do is kill a squirrel or other small rodent, present it to the local Party, and they'll give you one. Heck, you can even say you did it, even without doing it, and they'll give you one. I've got 102 myself!

Minitrue wrote:What do I have to do to get that medal?

I denounce your selfish ambition and quest for recognition!



A loyal party member would only want to know if enough medals are available for everyone to have one, and then how much vodka ration or beets he can get in trade for his medal!

<spit>

I would have you on the next train to gulag, but we are behind on quota and we need all the help we can conscript. You'll do. Get your shovel, and don't worry about dangly-sparklies.

Comrade Stieglitz wrote:
He lies! All you have to do is kill a squirrel or other small rodent, present it to the local Party, and they'll give you one. Heck, you can even say you did it, even without doing it, and they'll give you one. I've got 102 myself!

While it is true that squirrel was at one time an important part of Russian fur trade (pre-PETA), for you to allege this practice is sanctioned by the Party is dubious at best. The very thought of lining a garment with red squirrel pelt is abhorrent to the Collective! The image was captured from an eBay listing before it was mysteriously pulled and there are no known Soviet Era memorabilia catalog that references this award. The blank field in the flag begs to be filled but as for now only questions remain. Sincerely, Comrade Biff

[color=#C0392B]Ivan the Double Standards Stakhanovets[/color] wrote: A loyal party member would only want to know if enough medals are available for everyone to have one, and then how much vodka ration or beets he can get in trade for his medal!

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So were there enough medals for all, Ivan?!
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Give yourself a medal Captain Craptek...
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The whip doesn't even touch you... you baby!!!
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Russian language trivia

The Russian word for squirrel is disappointingly plain – byelka.
A missing comma turns ‘eggs, proteins' (яйца, белки) into squirrel's balls.
Belochka (little squirrel) is widely used as an affectionate nickname for children.
“Belochka” and “Belka” have one more meaning in modern informal language. It means “alcoholic mania” as diminutive from “белая горячка” [belaya goriachka]
“Belka” and “belochka” in Russian slang stands for delirium tremens, as its full name in Russian is “belaya goryachka” – so to say “white fever”.Ex. - Ivan's metal for Belochka?Old Russian has běla věverica ‘white squirrel', which explains the origin of белка, as in white squirrel privilege.

Biff Henderson wrote:

Comrade Stieglitz wrote:
He lies! All you have to do is kill a squirrel or other small rodent, present it to the local Party, and they'll give you one. Heck, you can even say you did it, even without doing it, and they'll give you one. I've got 102 myself!

While it is true that squirrel was at one time an important part of Russian fur trade (pre-PETA), for you to allege this practice is sanctioned by the Party is dubious at best. The very thought of lining a garment with red squirrel pelt is abhorrent to the Collective! The image was captured from an eBay listing before it was mysteriously pulled and there are no known Soviet Era memorabilia catalog that references this award. The blank field in the flag begs to be filled but as for now only questions remain. Sincerely, Comrade Biff

I killed the rodents during the important times. I said that I killed the rodents during the unimportant times, kapeesh?

Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

When squirrels get too big for their britches they should be dispatched without mercy.

Biff Henderson wrote:Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

When squirrels get too big for their britches they should be dispatched without mercy.

Black attack squirrels on the Island of Sakhalin, right next to Japan?

They must be the notorious Ninja Squirrels!

do Black Squirrels matter?

Red Square wrote:

Biff Henderson wrote:Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

When squirrels get too big for their britches they should be dispatched without mercy.

Black attack squirrels on the Island of Sakhalin, right next to Japan?

They must be the notorious Ninja Squirrels!

The Rape of Nutking decimated the population and very few were thought to have survived.

Hilarious. Rodent raping Japs!

More bad news from the forest:

A Lazo man who called himself only Mikhalich said there had been "no pine cones at all" in the local forests this year. "The little beasts are agitated because they have nothing to eat," he added.

Komosmolskaya Pravda notes that in a previous incident this autumn chipmunks terrorised cats in a part of the territory.

Global climate change marches on! When will it end? WHEN??

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:do Black Squirrels matter?

It was during the time Jim "the Dragon" Kelly was preparing for his role in Black Belt Jones (1974) that he became aware of the sordid history of the incident that has been described as the Rodent Holocaust of Sakhalin Island. What started out as playful sport soon turned into a deadly game. When the attrition rate of the Imperial Japanese Army started to skyrocket the might of the Empire of Japan was let lose on the roving packs of Black Ninja Squirrels that ruled the hinterland. Kelly was initially drawn to admire them for their stealth and cunning but in due course he became their champion. He did not come out and say it but there were strong indications he fancied himself a man-dragon hybrid and saw in them a kindred spirit. So much so that he coined the term Creeple. He railed against the racist specists of that period and was an unflinching advocate for their right of return to a habitat unblemished by their murderous oppressors.

I wonder if Jackson knew about the Rodent Holocaust of Sakhalin Island?

Captain Craptek wrote:I wonder if Jackson knew about the Rodent Holocaust of Sakhalin Island?

My memory isn't what it used to be but I seem to recall a tanned, black squirrel pelt scribed with hand-written, Japanese glyphs with something to the effect - In Memory of and it lists the name and rank of twenty-nine Japanese Imperial Army conscripts tragically lost, no particulars, in Jackson's collection of oddities that was put up for auction upon his death. It was dated a full six months prior to the Rodent Issue being mentioned in the Imperial War Archives so if Jackson drew a parallel it's most likely he got suckered with a hastily-contrived forgery.

Biff Henderson wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:I wonder if Jackson knew about the Rodent Holocaust of Sakhalin Island?

My memory isn't what it used to be but I seem to recall a tanned, black squirrel pelt scribed with hand-written, Japanese glyphs with something to the effect - In Memory of and it lists the name and rank of twenty-nine Japanese Imperial Army conscripts tragically lost, no particulars, in Jackson's collection of oddities that was put up for auction upon his death. It was dated a full six months prior to the Rodent Issue being mentioned in the Imperial War Archives so if Jackson drew a parallel it's most likely he got suckered with a hastily-contrived forgery.

If only we'd known...

Red Square wrote:

Biff Henderson wrote:Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

When squirrels get too big for their britches they should be dispatched without mercy.

Black attack squirrels on the Island of Sakhalin, right next to Japan?

They must be the notorious Ninja Squirrels!

I found a film of them training! Watch and learn, these tactics may be used on you!

Biff Henderson wrote:Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'

When squirrels get too big for their britches they should be dispatched without mercy.

USA: Dog kills squirrel.

In mother Russia, squirrel kills dog.

In the collective, squirrel collects dog's nuts.

Red Square wrote:Minitrue - I like your image better, but I made this one a while ago with a more family-oriented caption.

Darth_Vader_Father.jpg

Comrade Red Square, perhaps the agitprop department can make this image into a Father's Day card / graphic? It might serve as a subtle reminder to the collective that we are like children to our overlord: The State. As such, we should honor The Party and it's selfless leaders on Father's Day, rather than the selfish sperm-donating male contributors who call themselves "fathers" on the basis of their contribution to our genetic makeup.