The winner of the global Joe Biden Campaign Slogan Contest has been revealed as none other than the former president. The Presidential Library to be erected in Nairobi with the $100 grand prize will not only pay for the library, but an entire campus dedicated to the study of Empty Suits, Empty Chairs, Empty Minds, and Empty Slogans like Hope & Change and Forward. Hope being the ultimate example of reality denial going forward.

A thrilled Barack Obama will use the entire $100 prize for his presidential library in Nairobi, Kenya, where the president was clearly not born, putting an end to rumors about his Kenyan birth to which Barry's own grandmother attested.

Barry whipped out his genuine photocopy of his official, original, authentic birth certificate, the photocopy of which he printed out in Honolulu in 2012. The gathered reporters from CNN, MSDNC, New York Times and Washington Post agreed and released a statement: "We are now absolutely convinced that "birthers" like Donald Trump were way off geographically about Kenya being in Africa, when it has always been in Hawaii!" An onlooker asked for an explanation:

A"birther," he was informed, "is a person who thinks the US Constitution has a real purpose, is the highest authority over the lives of Americans attached to their bibles and guns. On the other hand, a person who laughs at birthers, is a real, patriotic American who thinks the constitution is a piece of garbage, as it was created, along with the fake moon landing, on a Hollywood back lot to advance the cause of slavery and the destruction of the environment."

Mr. Obama was thrilled to have been picked the winner. At the acceptance ceremony the former president said, "Just because I've had a seething hatred of Michael Flynn for years because he knows where the bodies are buried, doesn't mean he's not guilty of lying about a crime he didn't commit! My deep hatred of the former intel chief - and I do despise this man - has nothing to do with his exposing me as a Jihadi-communist-anti-Semite, which is exactly who I am. It has everything to do with his exposing me as a Jihadi-communist-anti-Semite liar, which is exactly who I am, but he's not supposed to talk about it! That is why I ordered the trial judge to have him sentenced to death about a crime I committed."

Mr. Obama then promptly packed up his teleprompter, at which point the Kenyan impostor, er, we mean the former president, repeated what he has told the nation in the past, "Um, I mean, um, maybe, um, the science is settled." He ended this speech by repeating the word "um" until the gathered reporters dozed off.

Smiling broadly, Mr. Obama stepped off the podium and handed out verified and certified photocopies of the photocopy of his genuine and authentic photocopy of his birth certificate, autographed by Donald Trump himself, with the words attesting to the fact: "This signature of President Trump is a real, genuine and authentic photocopy of President Trump's signature."

Mr. Biden, who, behind the scenes, conducted the Biden Campaign Slogan Contest from a sealed basement, responded to the televised award ceremony with, "I'm Joe Biden, and I approve this message and the adoption of my campaign slogan."

Mr. Biden added, "My presidency will be a no-brainer!"

Remember Tara, he's not doing it for himself... he's running for you!