In a recent article about the new movie Watchmen, the Washington Times claims that saving the world ain't what it used to be.

We need new heroes. I know that Hollywood is now working on a goofy dramatization of Atlas Shrigged, which may turn out to be a comic-book version of John Galt as the next superhero. Let's see if he captures the imagination of Generation Duh.

In the meantime, let's start a discussion and see how the collective envisions a new, Party-appointed superhero for the masses.

I humbly submit the first draft....

Let's see, he must be able to dispense ration coupons with pinpoint accuracy from one hand and subpoena's to go before that Party's committee from the other.

Common-Man! With government help, he can tie his own shoes!

Comrades, part of the reason I laughed so hard when I first saw the time machine wasthis graphic depiction from South Park of how we're all coping with the stimulus and the need for green transportation...

Following Red Square's lead I equally as humble (see I'm even posing humbly) submit myself. Hey I already have super in my name.

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Comrades, part of the reason I laughed so hard when I first saw the time machine wasthis graphic depiction from South Park of how we're all coping with the stimulus and the need for green transportation...

I saw the simularity but it seems to missing (thankfully) the controls.

Comrades,

Maybe a new super hero based on the true symbol of power in the 21st century?

Perhaps Acorn Man:

He's faster than a stimulus bill through Congress and with a simple change of costume he can do anything!

I have found the perfect candidate!

http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/archive/?id=589

Comrades, you are all missing the point. Super this, man that, captain whatever. No, no, no. Simply will not work.

What we need is...

Equal Person!

Look! On the ground! It's a prole! It's a collectivist worker! It's Equal Person! Yes Comrades, Equal Person, common visitor from the collective next door, who came to this collective with abilities just like the typical comrade. Equal Person who can dig beets according to their particular abilities and skill sets, always meet their production quota at the state owned factory, and who disguised as a regular party member working on the collective, fights a never ending battle for quota, equality, and beet production!

Comrade Equal Person is in fact the party ideal for it's people. Producing and laboring for the common good according to their particular ability, without any definable sex, race, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, skin color, physical characteristics, or handicaps, Equal Person is the ideal to which WE ALL MUST STRIVE TO BE!

"Are you sure you've already got one?"

"Oh yes! It's VER nice!" *I told 'em we already got one...*

Ahh but His O'liness is not a super hero. He is THE MESSIAH, THE ONE. Not a lowly super being, but rather THE SUPREME BEING.

Either that, or I have just committed thoughtcrime not only but contradicting a commissar, but also by suggesting Obama is not something. I better go dig some beets, or pour some concrete down the barrels of People's Rifles ™.

Indeed, my dear Obamissar. The One is everything and all things.

OMG! It just hit me, Comrades. Michael Jackson! Think about it! In addition to making Thriller, he's truly the Ultimate Progressive!

1. Thanks to plastic surgery, is the torch-bearer in androygeny. He's non-gender specific.
2. He's non-race specific.
3. He does a lot of things For The Children.
4. He moved out of the USSA because he was in love with the Middle East.

Any others?

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Indeed, my dear Obamissar. The One is everything and all things.

Ahh that would explain why every day now I speak of taking an Obama. (In all fairness sometimes I speak of our Glorious Governor Gregoire in the same terms.) Your understanding of all things Obama explains why you are a commissar.

Speaking of progressive superheroes, has anyone read John Varley's "Truth, Justice and the Politically Correct Socialist Path" about Superman landing in Soviet Russia instead of the capitalist USA?

The rocket plowed into the ground just west of the Urals, about two hundred kilometers south of Sverdlovsk, in the glorious Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. It came to rest, smoking, in a wheat field of the Long Live The Heroes Of The October Revolution Collective Farm #56, not far from where Marina and Pavel Kentarovsky were munching on raw beets as they lugubriously surveyed the flat left rear tire of a twelve-year-old Spirit of Lenin tractor.

The Spirit of Lenin was an exact copy of a 1934 International Harvester except for cast-iron axles and, as Pavel often remarked, "the soul of a pig."

And so on, for 14 more pages. I can't find it on the internet, so I'm going to email the author asking him for a permission to post it on the Cube.

I received the permission and posted John Varley's story here:

Truth, Justice and the Politically Correct Socialist Path

The author may be checking in later, so post your comments to his story on that thread.