"You Make It, We Take It"

The above slogan (which I advise Barack Obama to use) is catchy, truthful, heartfelt, and compassionate.

Of course, I am referring to Barack's pledge to ask the top-income 5% to return their stolen wealth to the bottom 95% -- who we, as benevolent guardians, must care for.

This rests on the basic economic theory that a society's health is best determined by how much rich people pay in taxes. In academic circles, we jest that "taxing is relaxing". (The humor in that phrase is derived from the fact that "tax" rhymes with "relax". To be sure there is nothing funny about the concept. And there is absolutely nothing to laugh at in hard economic times like these.)

Here is how we are all better off when the rich peoplec ontribute their so-called "earnings" back to the community: Say you are a filthy blood-sucking moneybags pig, like an owner of Walmart. And you make your money selling...what does Walmart sell anyway? Weapons to Zionists? Probably. So, let's say that a poor person comes into Walmart looking for a way to disembowel Palestinian babies...

Wait, this will not work! Zionists are rich, and are therefore not compelled to shop at Walmart.

So, let's instead say that a person of color is coerced by capitalist exploitation to buy their tofu at Walmart. Normally, tofu costs $10 per pound. (At least, that is what I pay at the food coop.) So, Walmart probably charges $100 per pound. This, clearly, is obscene. So, we (that is, the government) will apply a tax on Walmart. Let's say the tax is $25. Ha ha! Fuck you Walmart, you now have to add a $25 tax to the $100 price, and charge $125 a pound! See? The price was $100, but under Barack, it will be $125. But $25 of that is a tax, so Walmart loses!

At that point, Walmart will be forced to contribute that $25 tax to Barack and our new government, whereupon it will be used to further the greater good by establishing a national-service youth corps, purchasing windmills from government contractors, and investing in insured no-interest housing mortgages.

Nothing can go wrong with this plan. Ever.

Meanwhile, 95% of the population is protected because they are not being taxed. The tax is applied to Walmart instead, and there is no possible way this can translate into a negative for people shopping at Walmart. In fact, hurting Walmart is just one of many benefits of this tax plan.

When the rich pay, everyone wins.

Win, win, win, win, win.

I had a neighbor who once argued that placing taxes on businesses would only pass the burden on to the consumer -- for instance, Walmart tacking another $25 to that $100 pound of tofu (although everyone knows Walmart charges $400 for a pound of tofu).

At first I didn't believe a word of what he said (he has a thing for Ronnie Raygun), it just sounded too progressive coming from someone who actually thinks statism is a bad thing. The man is an idiot, a knuckle-dragging bitterclinger with only his bible and guns and knocked-up wife running around farting out tummy parasites left and right. He is a rube... but a rube with a grand vision.

A utopian vision of tommorow which suggest that consumer goods would increase in price if the government -- who is always right -- decides to force those with more to pay their fair share. Just think of an America where consumerism, materialism and modern advances were a thing of the past! People will no longer be able to afford oversized forest-killing homes or baby bunny-killing Cadillacs. We would all have to return to nature now that a loaf of store bought bread cost $1,000,000. Yes, cleaner skies, more vibrant forest with millions of new trees to hug, and, most importantly, less humans (starvation, you see.). We have to cut down on the human population if we are going to save Gaia!

We need to raise taxes. There is no doubt about that. But I still stand by my proposal for coverting humans into public works projects. It is the only way to save our dying planet and the polar bears. The children... think about what kind of world we would be leaving them. Just think about it!

I almost forgot. We need to raise taxes and surrender in Iraq if we are ever going to get the economy back on track! Oh, and convert humans into public works projects along with giving Congress a raise... although they can give themselves a raise without our permission (as it should be).

Oh Chairman Oh So Wise-

You forgot to congratulate Comrade Paul on his prestigious Nobel Prize for Economics that he received on Monday. And he doesn't have to share it with anyone (except the Party, of course).
Should not the Party nationalize Walmart? Then the proles could get a loaf of bread for $100 (and it would ease the work load on me). Please, Chairman most merciful, do not think that I am complaining about the work load here at the People's Hell's Kitchen. Despite the proles lack of imagination and poor sanitary habits, things are progressing nicely here.
I shall continue to give you updates.

PRAISE THE PARTY!
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

yours faithfully,

Che Gourmet

PS> I wish that the stupid news media (#*X#%#FOXNEWS) would leave my fellow revolutionary Bill Ayers alone. He's redeemed himself already! Geeeeez!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Yes, cleaner skies, more vibrant forest with millions of new trees to hug, and, most importantly, less humans (starvation, you see.). We have to cut down on the human population if we are going to save Gaia!

Chairman Punchenko -

It's not "less humans", it's human extinction.

- Prof K, Phd etc.

The outrageous exploitation of the glorious working class through WalMart must be ended. As your numbers clearly show - the more we tax, the more our Glorious Leader (may the pain of death be upon those who speak his middle name) will be able to provide the fairness upon which our very society will be remade.

The hope of change brings forward change to all those who hope for change.

I strongly support this tax plan.

I also find the idea of converting humans to public works project most inspiring. How many humans would be required to create a large re-education facility? If you could draw up a table of conversions (humans to projects) and submit it to the public works planning board so that it may be lost I would appreciate it.

Then please re-submit it, however this time please do not write your name anywhere on the submission form. I will claim it as my work. In exchange I will let you know when the next shipment of left-footed shoes will arrive at the department store, as I know you need shoes. (Left footed shoes have been in short supply since last year, when the central planning board incorrectly estimated the demand for right vs. left footed shoes.)

As to the rich capitalist pigs, why don't we tax them the remainder of their percentage of the people through subtraction from the whole? That is to say, they constitute 5% of the people. It therefore follows they must pay 95% of their income in taxes.

Hope.

Brilliant, Professor Kurgman, PhD^3! Perhaps it should be called a Labor Exploitation tax.

I some cases wouldn't the motto be "You make it, then take it!"?

Professor, your crystalline logic brought tears to my eyes. This type of insight is what makes the P'p's Cube the greatest source of enlightenment (in the shadow of B._.O. of course) on the planet. I am going to pin it up on the bulletin board here at the catfish rendering plant.