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Zombie Writes a Letter to the NSA

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Our friend Zombie has forwarded to us his letter to the NSA, which we are compelled to reveal while denouncing its content, lest we are accused of being co-conspirators by virtue of concealing damning evidence.

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FROM: [email protected]
TO: doesn't_matter@you'll_read_this_regardless_of_the_address.com
CC: [email protected]

Dear NSA,

Constitution Allah Ackbar Tea Party bomb abortion patriot gun IRS Islam dog whistle Obama prayer tax surveillance.

There. Now that I've gotten your attention, can we have a chat?

If you have any pull with the American Psychiatric Association, could you please recommend to them that the psychological state formerly known as "paranoia" should be no longer defined as a mental illness? Asylums all across the country are filled with people whose only neurosis is the vague feeling that they are being spied on or followed by unseen powerful enemies.

But now we know that everyone is being spied on every time they pick up the phone, buy something, use the Internet, or walk around in public - so it turns out that these "paranoid" patients aren't delusional after all. It seems rather unfair to lock us them up and classify us them as crazy if our vague feelings of being stalked by the government turned out to be true.

To make sure you get this message, may I also say 9/11 Eric Holder birth certificate Bill Ayers drone Orwell Anonymous leak.

And in conclusion, just in case your algorithm has gotten overloaded, I'd like to not mention my private, personal opinions about the Second Amendment, Fourth Amendment, and Ninth Amendment (and you really don't want to know what I think about the Sixteenth Amendment). For more information, please read the Fifth Amendment.

Thank you.

- zombie

PS - Tell the IRS that the best times for my upcoming audit are Tuesdays and Thursdays, but unannounced visits from the EPA, FBI, OSHA or ATF would be more convenient on Monday afternoons or Wednesday mornings. And, needless to say, you can eavesdrop any ol' time.

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We hear you, comrade. The Party is right behind you. Watching. Closely. Very closely.

[img]/images/Inner_Comrade_Spying_NSA.jpg[/img]

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"Just because you are (deemed, accused of being, diagnosed as, or otherwise) paranoid ... does not mean they are not out to get you."
But the meds are great! And they are FREE! FORWARD!

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Comrades,

Blessed be The Obama (PBUH). Thanks to his tyranical glorious dictatorship presence and brutal destruction benevolent leadership of The United Soviet States of Airport™ I am so paranoid, I think the people walking in front of me are actually following me . . . they're just taking the long way to do it.

I can't thank Dear Leader enough, for helping me . . .(holds back a tear) for helping me, become a more socially conscious collective member. Prior to Dear leader's maniacal reign of terror immortal guidance, I never thought twice about being watched or badgered by our Federal guards. Thanks be to The Obama, for giving me the paranoia I so undoubtedly lacked.

Red Walrus


FORWARD!


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Red Square wrote:
There. Now that I've gotten your attention, can we have a chat?

If you have any pull with the American Psychiatric Association, could you please recommend to them that the psychological state formerly known as "paranoia" should be no longer defined as a mental illness? Asylums all across the country are filled with people whose only neurosis is the vague feeling that they are being spied on or followed by unseen powerful enemies.



Wow! This Zombie comrade has friends in high places! I can't find paranoia in here ANYWHERE! (but ... will it find ME?)



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Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote: I can't find paranoia in here ANYWHERE! (but ... will it find ME?)
Comrade Kelly,

You've been reading outdated books filled with exploitive and deliberately misleading bourgeois science. Let our state-authorized professionals help you.

[img]/images/Paranoia_Obamacare.jpg[/img]

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Dearest Comradelette Ivanova, you can't find Paranoia in that book, because it is in a covert addendum that is watching your every move, stalking your thoughts and auditing your accounts without your knowledge. It's not there because it's not supposed to be there until its needed. Nothing to see here, keep moving along, and just act naturally. Nothing happening here...

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I think I'll copy the original post and send it to everyone in my address book. That should generate some attention...

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ratskins wrote:I think I'll copy the original post and send it to everyone in my address book. That should generate some attention...

Comrade ratskins,

Before you do that, I recommend getting a sharp shovel and a flask of beet vodka ready. Here, you can borrow mine. (my shovel, not my flask)

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Raum Emmanual Goldstein
My Dear KOMRADE RED SKHWARE:

Please inform Mr. Zombie the error of his ways…

Per Mr. Z: “But now we know that everyone is being spied on every time they pick up the phone, buy something, use the Internet, or walk around in public - so it turns out that these "paranoid" patients aren't delusional after all. It seems rather unfair to lock us them up and classify us them as crazy if our vague feelings of being stalked by the government turned out to be true.”

What Mr. Zombie fails to understand the complexity of diagnosing Paranoia. “…[V]ague feelings of being stalked by the government...” is a gross mischaracterisation of this delusional psychosis. It assumes that the Government is actually NOT -- or even SHOULD NOT be -- stalking them...this in itself is, by definition, delusional.

But whether or not the government is “stalking” or NOT “stalking” is immaterial to the proper diagnosis of a Paranoid Delusion. It is not just the “vague feelings” of an intimate governmental examination of one's alleged “private life” that equate to delusional behavior... RATHER it is their degree of expressed DISCOMFORT with the requisite amount government surveillance of one's alleged “private life” that formulates the delusion.

The fact that a patient expresses discomfort -- or even outrage -- at what is absolutely necessary for the security of the "Free" State is a critical symptom of much deeper problems that MUST be treated in a high security mental health facility. THAT is what makes one "clinically" PARANOID!

I MEAN! What are they so worked up about? What have they to hide? What deep seated Thought Krimes lie deep within their troubled psyche? Such people present a clear and present danger to the safe conduct of OUR society -- and should likewise be disarmed and remanded to "protective" custody.

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And Furthermore!!!!

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-----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----
Version: 2.6.i

mQCNAi+UeBsAAAEEAMP0kXU75GQdzwwlMiwZBUKFUDRgR4wH9y5NP9JaZfVX8shT
ESbCTbGSEExB2ktEPh5//dkfftsKNlzlAugKFKTgBv20tQ9lDKfdbPVR0HmTLz0e
wVIeqEue4+Mt/Kq7kMcQy+5sX2RBAiZTYl0n/JdY/WxflU0taq1kH/UUPkklAAUR
tB5NYXJ0eSBNY0ZseSA8bWFydHlAZnV0dXJlLmNvbT6JAJUCBRAvlHhGrWQf9RQ+
SSUBAQX+BACnhx7OTb1SfAcJVF/1kuRPUWuGcl57eZgv4syc1O9T3YNr0terWQBT
K0vFR00FdaBv9X9XwlxaBJHGeiBcmhaiOTwB912ysoteUzZHne3sHPw3MkYboAFx
xHg43Cnj60OeZG2PKp/kU91ipOJP1cs8/xYOGkeoAMqDfwPeFlkBiA==
=ddBN
-----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----

Not mine, btw...

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Well, I guess that covers every word. Shall I fill the motes and hot oil pots?

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Herr Rote:

It is not necessary to put out so many key words to grab the NSA's attention... They belong to THE PARTY. All that is required is for a Made Prog such as myself to make a simple phone call...


 
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