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Competition is a barbaric, insensitive ritual that reeks of social Darwinism. We cannot allow the fittest to survive on our pages. Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Therefore, losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is unethical, while a society of losers is happy and striving as a collective. In the spirit of diversity, inclusiveness, and collectivism our contests shall have no winners. Everyone is declared a loser, which in our book means an ethical team player.

Caption: Senior Eye Test

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The cruelest form of eye test for old geezers?

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No fair!! I'm not even a geezer and I see it as cruel and unusual. The graph should be opposite. With it going from smaller to larger as she takes more clothes off.

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As Hillary's advisers, we must advise her to amend her healthcare reform to include eye test charts in which all letters are equal. The current unequal chart is biased against the nearsighted, discriminating against the least capable members of the American society. All civilized countries of the world are already using "equal opportunity eye charts" in which every letter in every row is exactly 3 centimeters tall.

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When my wife said she was going into optometry ...I had no idea!

She really is The People's™ Party wife!

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Hmmm. "published by People's Press."
Of course she IS a natural brunette...


 
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