I might be beatin' a reporter soon
Just to be a part of more
liberal loss

Pickin' em up
Beatin' 'em down
Breaking his glasses
On to Washington

By myself I wouldn't
feel no loss,
But I'd be watchin' a lovely
liberal loss

watchin' a lovely
liberal loss

Well I just might break me some knees
But that'd be just too rough
But somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand I would

Beat the press
'N knock 'em down
Like a boss
'N kick 'em aroun'

I'd give him the drop
An' I'd be on top (that's why I'm winnin' in Montana)

beatin' a reporter soon
Gonna beat up a reporter loon (yes I am)
beatin' a reporter soon
Gonna be a congress criter too

I'm beatin' his butt
Like a Boss
He's cryin on the prairie
over his loss
I kicked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .

He's winnin' like a really big boss
(His name is Gianforte)
He's a good boss
Even though
He don't listen to no liberal prattle or
cry baby anyway
He don't listen to no liberal prattle or
cry baby anyway
Any way

I'm beatin' his ass
Like a boss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
That's really big,
An' ride him by the secured border line

With the
fate of liberal
reporters crushed between my hands
Every politico would say
I was mighty grand

By myself I wouldn't
feel no loss,
Cos I'd be beatin' that liberal
Like a Boss

Beatin' that liberal
Like a boss
Beatin' that liberal
Like a boss

Well I might
Ride along the border
Watch the moonbats screamin'
In the moon-lighty night

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n security pony
Into the crack of liberal's Tush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
beatin' a reporter loon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

I really cant say where he's coming from
But I just decked a guy who's journalist scum

Got a $40 bill says you can't make me dumb.....

Kiss my fist-er .. Mister
Oooh, it's real jaw blitzer
Would you like one more-ah
Drop you to the floor-ah
And how about you, Proggie
You groggy?

Mmm, sure...listen
Do you think I could interest you
In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers?

Did you sterilize them, Comrade? Here, let me give you my lighter. ...... While the Comrade Groucho busies himself preparing the tweezers, let us enjoy another of Komrade Zappa's tributes to the fighting spirit of the Deplorables



Give me your hurty thump
Like you might surrender to the demons in your soul
Give me your hurty thump
Like a punk jack-tation from the demon in your soul
I dont need a slight commotion
I dont care for cheap demotions
Whip me up a roundhouse motion
For your hurty thump
Your hurty thump
Butt hurty thump

Come see my hurty thump
Like some tacky little dustup in Montana's special vote
Come see my hurty thump
I do believe you've already asked that Q before
I wont give no consolation
I dont have no reservations
I've got a cranial destination
For my hurty thump
Butt hurty thump

Give me (wahhab) your hurty thump (ummah)
Just like Obama lets those Muzzie duders do (oh, tolerance)
Give me (wahhab) your hurty thump (ummah)
The way Obama makes those bagger duders bruise (OOOOH, butthurt!)
I'll ignore your hematoma
And your Ivy-assed League diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some hurty thump
Some hurty thump
Butt hurty thump
Butt hurty thump ..

The Duder strikes (Come on Greggy)
The Duder bruised it (Smacks it)
The Duder strikes (Come on Greggy)
The Duder bruised it (Lands it)
The Duder strikes (Come on Greggy)
The Duder bruised it (Slam it)
The Duder strikes (Come on, Greggy)
The Duder bruised it (Not a speck of remorse)
The Duder strikes (Come on Greggy)
The Duder bruised it (Nothing but a left for that progg) .....

Say is that a real poncho or is that Sears poncho?

Ah yes, Comrade Groucho. The famous cryptic, deathbed riddle of the Prophet Zappa which prophesied the issues of mega-mass, ultra-hyper-commercialization and cultural appropriation which continues to bedevil our collectivist, dystopian, post-American peace to this very day.

And lest we forget .. hark back to the Prophet Zappa's cryptic critique of High Priest Roberts' ruling on the public option which also rends our collectivist peace to this very day

"Say, is that an Article I levy or a Supreme levy"

PROGG OFF: Content Advisory: Our lovely Parodista-in-Charms, Googie, is strongly advised to never listen to these lyrics. (;-D) It is not for nothing that Shari'ah law decrees that molten lead be poured into a person's year as a penalty for listening to these lyrics. And I can scarcely disagree with Shari'ah's wisdom here, as, per the National Board of Otolaryngology, extreme ear canal sterilization is strongly recommended after exposure to the lyrics of this song.

But what are you gonna do? When you've done "Montana" and "Dirty Love", you gotta finish it off with "Dynamo Hum", amiright?



I really cant say where it's coming from
But I just decked a guy who's Journo-list scum
I strolled on over said "Hey there, Chump"
I gotta a 40 kilo punch if you keep dogging Trump (You best not do it)
I made a bet with a Resister who's Alynsky-ite dumb
I could prove anytime all proggs were chum
I dont mind that he thinks I'm a bum
But I knew right away, I'd beat him like a drum (So I got down to it)
I whaled on his noggin' till my fist got numb
And applied contusions with a cranial strum
I poked and I choked till his face got numb
But I still couldn't make this Journo go mum

Journo-list scum, Journo-list scum,
Where's this Journo-bitch coming from
I done gave 3 warnings and he wouldn't stay mum
From this Journo-low, this Journo-low, this Journo-low
This Journo-list scum

I got a spot that makes me drop (Ow!)
But you ain't been to it
I got a spot that makes me drop (OW!)
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that makes me drop
but you ain't been to it
Got a spot that makes me drop
And you ain't been to it

Cause you got to lay into it, before I drop out of it
And I'm gonna check out of it, because you layed into it
Cause you had to lay into it, and make me check out of it
And I'm gonna check out of it, because you layed into it

(He looked over at me with a glazed look and some ovine sanguination in his left nostril area and said)

Just hit my temple and you're halfway there
Cause if my brain checks out
Then my legs wont bear
I drubbed his chinny chin chin and said "My my my"
What sort of swing might this proggie get jacked upon
I checked out Resister who was holding the bet
And wondered bout the fat lip that old Marxist has on
The 40 kilo punch didn't stagger no more
So Resister got stupid and got up from the floor
He said "Journodouche" might win the bet
But he could take my hardest -- OW! -- if I wasn't done yet

I told him "Just because a progg wants a plot in the ground"
No reason to assume I wouldn't deliver beat down
So I spun him around, threw a left at his crown
And asked if he was a Gramscian clown
(Whaddya mean Gramsci, no Gramsci in me)

He was stand up reeling (Stand up)
I was wheeling and dealing
He surrendered to the feeling (He meekly surrendered)
And started into keeling

Journodouche watched from his spot on the floor
With his head just a throbbing as he asks for more
Some blood dribbling down from the edge of his nose
As he spied his old boss in his keeling throes
He quivered and quaked and laughed at himself
While Resister made a joke about Trump's mental health
Till Proggodouche finally did go mum
But I told him all he really needed to be a little less dumb

Kiss my fistah ... Mist-ah
Hmmm, a Trump resist-ah
Would y'all like one more-ah
Drop you to the floor-ah
And how about you, Proggie
You groggy?

Hmm, sounds like you choking on something
Did you say you want one more, well here's one more

Oh sure, you think I could interest you in a nice
Zircon empowered coldpack?

Coldpack .... wait a minute, let me refreeze it
Take out these frozen meals

I really cant say where it's coming from
But I just decked a guy who's Journolist scum
I strolled on over, said "Look here Chump"
I got a 40 kilo punch if you keep dogging Trump
I whaled on his noggin' till my fist got numb
And applied concussions with a cranial strum
I poked and and I choked till his face got numb
And you know I saw that Journo go mum

My dear Comrade Callmelennie - as usual, your lyrics are mesmerizing. However, I did listen to them with the sound off. :D

I think I know where that moldy piece of rye crust I was saving for a special occasion went...

PROGG OFF: This one is rated SFTK (Safe For The Komradina). But it's probably best for non-Zappatistas to just listen to the first 2:00 to get the gist, as the song breaks down into highly unstructured improvisation after that -- with lyrics that are hard to decipher



Three hundred hours ago
He thought he might be a pest
He got himself into Gianforte's face
And I guess you all know the rest

You know he'll never troll no more
It seems to me that it just ain't wise

Did you ever wake up in an ER
From a zombie hook between the eyes
Just about as lethal as it could be

Here comes the zombie hook
It's the impeacher all the journos are talking about

Here comes the zombie hook
Things go helter skelter when it comes charging out

Warning all you proggy poofs
Here it comes, the zombie hook

Warning all you proggy poofs
Here it comes ....

Reety-awrighty, it's da ZOMBIE HOOK
Reety-awrighty, it's da ZOMBIE HOOK

They said aw-lefty, but it was a rightie
And it was a-bombin' on you, little proggie

I got a great big upper arm
Which creates that zombie "OOF!"
My right hand's stronger than the other one is
Like a Clydesdale's zombie hoof
If I rain down on your cranium
Dont try to give me reproof
I might pick you up screaming
And then slam you down senseless
And do it to you just as a goof
Dont mess with the zombie hook

I am about as lethal as a bagger man can be

Warning to all you proggie poofs
Here it comes, the zombie hook
Warning to all you proggie poofs
Here it comes, the zombie hook

PROGG OFF: I'm not sure how I did this, I was just making a few changes to "Zombie Hook" and somehow created a new post. Basically, it's the same as before except I subbed "Gianforte hook" for "the zombie hook"



Three hundred hours ago
He thought he might be a pest
He got himself into Gianforte's face
And I guess you all know the rest

You know he'll never troll no more
It seems to me that it just ain't wise

Did you ever wake up in an ER
From Gianforte hook between the eyes
Just about as lethal as it could be

Here comes Gianforter hook
It's the teacher all the journos are talking about

Here comes Gianforte hook
Things go helter skelter when it comes charging out

Warning all you proggy poofs
Here it comes, Gianforte hook

Warning all you proggy poofs
Here it comes ....

Reety-awrighty, it's Gianforte hook
Reety-awrighty, it's Gianforte hook

They said aw-lefty, but it was a rightie
And it was a-bombin' on you, little proggie

I got a great big upper arm
Which creates Gianforte "OOF!"
My right hand's stronger than the other one is
Like a Clydesdale's zombie hoof
If I rain down on your cranium
Dont try to give me reproof
I might pick you up screaming
And then slam you down senseless
And do it to you just as a goof
Dont mess with Gianforte hook

I am about as lethal as a bagger man can be

Warning to all you proggie poofs
Here it comes, Gianforte hook
Warning to all you proggie poofs
Here it comes, the Gianforte hook

Might as well add this Healthcare Disease to the fray...

Was just looking at it yesterday...

Alternate end to "Beating a Reporter Soon" (because we absolutely must have a sub for "Get a Cup of Caw-fee")

I'm gonna buy me a cold pack
Just about this big
Apply it all along his jawbone line
With a pair of ... HEAVY DUTY
ZIRCON ENCRUSTED stitches in his cuts
Every other bad ass
Would think I was kind of nuts
By myself I would
Pick my shot
Cause I'd be causing the ONLY
Demo loss

Well I might be icing down my shoulder
With his stitches gleaming in the media light
And then I'd ...
GET A COUPLE DARVON
And give them to the wuss
Just me and the pygmy cold pack
Over on the Demo punk's puss

And then I might just
Stand right up
And stride
Like a bad ass
Into the throngs of Montana

PROGG OFF: Judging by the number of views, there seems to be a significant Zappatista cell here. So I thought I would just put all my "Franks in one Zappa" and put this song about Al Zappar, in this mammoth Zappa thread. And in keeping with the spirit of Zappa and the goals of this website, we'll post this to a video of dancing, Trump-supporting, Orthodox Jews



It seems Invented what my Mothers know
Huskies went there, dont you eat that snow
I'ma dennil floss tycoon that can pluck all day
With an aura of angora, Suzie, kiss away

(Because I'm Zappa) Zap along if you feel like a zomb without a woof
(Because I'm Zappa) Zap along if you feel that Zappa can be uncouth
(Because I'm Zappa) Zap along if you know what "Apostrophe" means to you
(Because I'm Zappa) Zap along if you feel like zapping a princess Jew

Here comes Joe Pyne talking shit and trash
Don't suppose my hair or your leg I'll bash
I should probably warn you, I've a sharp mind
Dont oppress my views, we'll be just fine

(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you feel that Bobby Brown is a poof
(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you like Valley girls need a spoof
(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa along if you know Montana's where you're moving soon
(Because I'm Zappa) Clap along if you feel like Zapp's what you wanna do

(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
He's going down, that numbnut
(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
Bobby Brown, he loved a cruel dyke
(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
She'll bring him down, that cruel slut
(Zappa,, Zappa, zappa, zappa)
Bobby Brown,I said

(Because it's Zappa) Zappa long if you feel his songs are beyond reproof
(Because it's Zappa) Zappa long if you feel like Bobby Brown learned the truth
(Because it's Zappa) Zappa long if you know that disco makes us dancing fools
(Because it's Zappa) Zappa long if you feel like Yerbouti is Shaykh-ing, too

(Because it's Zappa) Hum along if you feel like "Cootie" line was uncouth
(Because it's Zappa) Hum along if you squeel like Zappa made the Dinah do
(Because it's Zappa) Hum along if you go buns up like her sister do
(Because it's zappa) Hum along if you feel like that's what he made you do

(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
Cain't shut me down, cain't no one
(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
Cain't put me down, not even Joe Pyne
(Zappa, Zappa, Zappa, Zappa)
Can put me down, can't no one
(Zappa, Zapppa, Zappa, Zappa)
Put me down I said

(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you feel like your foot is a Zombie hoof
(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you feel like a nasty little Princess Jew
(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you know which poncho is real for you
(Because I'm Zappa) Zappa long if you feel like that's what the Huskies do

(Because it's Zappa) Zap along if you feel your Momma made the poodle chew
(Because it's Zappa) Zap along if you feel like Zappiness is the truth
(Because it's zappa) Zap along if you know what Zappa-esque is to you
(Because it's Zappa) Zap along if you feel like that's what you want to do