PROGG OFF: Today's object of parodic scorn is the media's attempt to use a certain video to "prove" that Hillary is back in the pink and fit as a fiddle, when in truth such "evidence" would be laughed out of any kangaroo court on the planet .... As an added bonus, you get to learn how to say the words "She's a dancing machine" in French -- "Elle est une machine a danser"





Dancing, dancing, dancing .. Hil's a dancing machine
Aw, Hillie .. Move it, Hillie

Autocratic, she's phlegmatic
Full of bollocks, self explained
Tuned to ennervate your mind
Bloviating, obfuscating
She's not a healthy lady
Screwing with the Lo-Fo kind

She's moving, grooving
Dancing until the cameras stop now

Orthostatic, so dogmatic
She's a diva-lite in traction
For a foundation fee, she comes alive
Distort what she's doing
They super pad now
This video really blows my mind

Dancing, dancing, dancing .. she's a dancing machine
Aw Hillie, move it Hillie
Dancing, dancing, dancing .. she's a dancing machine
Aw Hillie .. move it, Hillie

She's a dancing, dancing, dancing machine
Watch the fake out, watch the fake out
Bollywood, wood, wood, wood, wood ... part of the scheme

She's a dancing, dancing, dancing machine
Watch the fake out, watch the fake out
Bollywood, wood, wood, wood, wood ... part of the scheme

C'mon Hillie, Oh Hillie ... Aw Hillie ... Shake it Hillie

She's a dancing, dancing, dancing machine
Watch the fake out, watch the fake out ......

(PROGG STILL OFF: So, the French words for "Automatic, systematic" are "Automatique, systematique"? Who knew French was so easy to learn?)

I would caution you, Comrades, I may not be able to finish this exercise in lyric hooliganism. The lyrics to the original song are the worst lyrics to work with that I've ever encountered. Compared to the rest of the song, the refrain "She's a maniac, maniac on the floor" is positively Dylanesque But let us try



Just a Swamp town girl on a Bollywood night
Keeping up the fraud of a wife
In this video swirl, no one sees her at all
But they all say she's frisky
Slapping hands around at a Hindi shindig
Bringing Rodham back to life
She has danced into a stranger zone
Where financing makes her dance

God, these lyrics are so trite
They're enough to raise my ire
One more line till we get to comedy

She's a proggniac, PROGG-niac on the floor
And she's dancing like she couldn't do much more
She's Demoniac, PROGG-niac on the floor
And they're spinning in a way we should deplore

On the ice blue line of insanity (The what????) ..
That's a phrase I didn't foresee
What I should say is a mystery, touch it but can't ho- (What is he talking about?)
God, I couldn't even do a meta-parody of this
About how dreadful these lyrics are
Cause their sheer awfulness would defeat the attempt
And I would not make it to the last line*

God these lyrics are so trite
The producer should be retired
If not, then there will be an inquiry

She's a maniac, HILLIE-ac on the floor
And they're spinning like no one has done before
She's a Progg-niac, DEMON-rat at the 'Wood
And she's dancing like a human never should

God, these lyrics are so trite
They should be set on fire
One more line between swill and comedy

She's a Marxi-crat, MARXI-crat on the floor
And she's stumbling like she's never done before
She's a Progg-niac, PROGG-niac at the 'Wood
And she's dancing like a human never should
She's a maniac, FEIGN-iac, I sure know
And she should have cut her losses long ago .....

*(I see what I did there)

PROGG OFF: It's too bad that the body of the lyrics for "Maniac" are so godawfully incoherent, because the refrain is maximally spoofable. For example, here's a tribute to Jason Voorheis of Friday the 13th infamy

He's a maniac, MA-niac on the screen
And he's slashing like he has no love for teens
He's a Maniac, MA-niac at the lake
And he's slashing like he has more lives to take

And on the occasion of the first gymnast from Bosnia-Hercegovina to compete in the Finals, the music for her Floor Exercise would be

She's a Bosniac, BOS-niac on the floor
And she's tumbling like she wants a perfect score
She's a Bosniac, BOS-niac at the Games
And she's tumbling like she'll always be unchained

And here's a tribute to Vladislav Tretiak, all time great goalie for the USSR, written by Mikhail Sembellov, (Михайл Сембзлов) official song parodist of the Soviet Winter Olympic Commitee.

He's a Tretiak TRE-tiak in the net
And he's tending like he'll never break a sweat
He's a Tretiak, TRE-tiak on the ice
If you score on him, you'll never do it twice

Now a tribute to the true Mother's Little Helper -- the baby formula SIMILAC

She's got Similac, SIM-ilac in her purse
And she's rum'ging cause her baby needs to nurse
She's got Similac, SIM-ilac on the shelf
And she stores because she can't "express" herself*

Finally a tribute to Jack Kerouac

He's a Kerouac, KER-ouac on the Strip
And he's loathing like he's re-defining hip
He's a Kerouac, KER-ouac on the road
And he's drinking like his liver will explode

*(Milk-wise, that is .. wah, wah, wah, WAAH)