Media Man (Epstein Didn't Kill Himself)

PROGG OFF: The inspiration for this, (and some other great parodies) came from our comrades-in-arms over at Aceofspades, The actual commenter is named Garret



It's five o'clock on a Saturday
The rent-a-cop guards shuffle in
There an old perv sprawling lifelessly
But Epstein didn't kill himself
He said, "Son will you spin out a fantasy"
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's false and its vile, like my home Pedo Isle
And Epstein did not kill himself

Oh lie the lie how he died
Lie, lie how he died, dum

Spin us a yarn, you're the Media man
Make up some crap tonight
For we're all in the mood for some comedy
And Epstein did not kill himself

Now Jeff in the cell was a friend of mine
I flew on his plane for free
And he's quick to get choked
A garrotte on his throat
But there's some fate that he'd rather see
He said, "Bill I believe this guy's killing me"
As the smile ran away from his face
And I'm sure I could be a witness star
But I dont think I'll survive this place

Oh lie the lie how he died
Lie the lie how he died ... yadda

Now Paul is a CNN fabulist
Who never attracted a wife
And he's talking to Davy, drummed out of the Navy
And Epstein did not take his life
And the jail guards are practicing negligence
As the killer man breaks a small bone
Yeah, they're sharing a stink they call malfeasance
And Epstein did not die alone

Sing us a yarn, you're the media man
Make up some sh*t tonight
For we're all in the mood for beclownery
And Epstein did not kill himself

It's a pretty good bribe for a Saturday
As the Clintonite gives me a smile
Cause he knows it is me who will nap thru this spree
And Epstein did not kill himself
And the media barks at a carnival
And the pedophiles no longer fear
And we look at his cell and just know that it smells
And say "Man, he was murdered, its clear"

Oh, lie the lie how he died
Lie, lie how he died ......

Sell us some bull, you're the media man
Epstein did not kill himself
Cause we all want to see more beclownery
And Epstein did not kill himself
 

EPSTEIN MEMETICS THRU THE AGES:

CATO THE ELDER: Carthago delenda est .. et Epsteino nunc delenda sui.

JULIUS CAESAR: Veni Vidi Vinci .. et non delenda Epsteini

MOHAMMED THE PROPHET: La illahi ilaa Allah wa Mohammed rasool Allah ... wa lam yuqtulu Ibstiin nefsahu

PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION: We the people of the United States of Americs, in order to creste a more perfect union .... do ordain and establish this Constitution .. and that Epstein did not kill himself

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: We hold these truths to be self evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these is the right to utterly reject the laughable cover story that Epstein killed himsel

PATRICK HENRY: As for me, give me liberty or give me death .. but dont give me this line about Epstein killing himself

LAVRENTIY BERIA: Give me the man and I'll give you the crime … but, c'mon man, Epstein did NOT kill himself

FDR: Yesterday, December 7 1941, a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of japan ... and Epstein didnt kill himself

JFK: Therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words, "Ich bin ein Berliner ... unt Epstein nicht ist ein suicider
 

Mother of Marxism, comrades!! Even the Volga Boatmen are seeing thru this cover story. And let me tell you, they're not happy about it



Ohn byl OO-beet; ohn byl OO-beet ……. (He was murdered; he was murdered)
Eto ubiytstvo; nye ubival syebya ……. (It is murder; did not kill himself)
Ohn byl OO-beet; ohn byl OO-beet
Eto ubitstvo; nye ubival syebya
 

PEOPLES JOKE EXPLAINER:

This song is a lament; but also a work song, which goes

Ey OOgh-nyem; Ey, OOgh-nyem …….. Hey, LET's heave; Hey, LET's heave
Ye-SHOW razeek; Ye-SHOW da raz ……. One MORE (little) time; One MORE time

(The idea is everyone pushes together on the stressed syllable)
 

Forgive me comrades... I've been in solitary and missed these displays of epic equalness
 

If equality is to be found here, it is only due to the unbearably equal effort necessitated by the absence of the Irreplaceable One himself; the initial "Hero of Cubatist Humor" …. The Comrade Director!!