These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists
(sung to the tune of "End of the Innocence")

There was a time when Cronkite spoke
The audience felt they could trust him
Murrow, Huntley, Brinkley, too
You never felt they'd lie to you
Now all we have are lightweight fluffs
Like Dan Ratbag, they make up stuff
They push their agenda down your throat
They think they're fooling you!

Chorus:
Let's find a place where we can go
Looking for some straight views
Surfing thru the whole lineup
Maybe try some Fox News!
Just throw your Times right out the door
Use Newsweek to mop up the floor
And CNN's a biased mess
These are the jerks
These are the jerks we call "journalists"

O' beautiful public airwaves
But now they're full of nitwits
They've all put their brains on hold
For this empty suit they've made a god
Empty suits always fail
They're poisoned by their own fairy tales
And Carter's reign will look so hale
Compared to this f*cking boob's.

Chorus:
Let's find a place where we can go
Not get talked down to
Gotta find some Rush Limbaugh
Before my mind rots clear through
The Times is good for pooch to poop
And WaPo helps sop up spilled soup
But reading them just gets me pissed
These are the jerks
These are the jerks we call "journalists"

Who knows how long this can abide
The Media is in steep decline
But each and every one of us
Needs some news that they can trust
The Free Market will satisfy
Our need to escape Progressive lies
The Fairness Doctrine will make it die
If Pelosi gets her way

Chorus:
Just throw Time mag right to the ground
Watch Couric but turn off the sound
For Olberman, load up with spit
Sad are these jerks
Sad are these jerks we call "journalists"

Comrades,

The reactionaries at Cato have come up with a fascinating, if distasteful and disrespective, new term for journalists who do not report inconvenient truths or youths: mucksailors.

I must say that it took much vodka to keep a straight face through that epic work.

I am humbled.

Comrade Groucho Marxist,

Are you by any chance related to Comrade Antonio Gramsci?

I have 5 brothers, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, Gummo, and Karl

This is Worthy of Greatest Hits Mention and timely as well